Let’s face it, finding a good job these days is tough. The economy stinks, folks are getting laid off, and you ain’t got any money. But… you can’t find a job. No suprise, stupid! Here are the top 10 reasons you can’t find a job.
10. Instead of shaking hands, you ask them to “pull your finger.” What a moron.
9. You’re not willing to risk being downsized, since you’re unsure if they’re referring to your penis.
8. In your zealousness to pad your resume, you claim 10 years of Java and 15 years of HTML. But what do they know, they still use Windows?
7. After your interview tantrums, so-called “Equal Opportunity Employers” don’t seem to be buying your “Tourette’s Syndrome” excuse.
6. Small-minded employers find “alien abductions” unacceptable explanation for gaps in work history.
5. You can’t afford shoes. Come on, that’s lame.
4. “Slashed co-workers with a broken coffee mug” doesn’t look as impressive on your resume as you thought it would.
3. Too much time during your interview spent discussing your jihad, not enough on how you would perform as the new personnel counselor.
2. You show up at each interview wearing an aluminum foil suit “just in case of enemy attack.”
And the #1 reason you can’t find a job…
1. You list “smokin weed” as a hobby on the job application. And you wonder why they never sent you over for the drug test.