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You are here: Home / Jokes / Clean Jokes / Top 10 List of Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

Top 10 List of Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

December 19, 2007 by F&J Staff 22 Comments

I’ve never had any major surgery so I consider myself pretty lucky, however not everyone can say that. I get scared just thinking about going under the knife, and if I ever did – these are 10 things that I surely don’t want to hear my doctor say…

  • Has anyone seen my watch?
  • Come back with that! Bad Dog!
  • Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
  • Hand me that… uh… thingy over there.
  • What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change!
  • Damn, there go the lights again…
  • Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
  • What do you mean, he’s not insured?
  • Let’s hurry, I don’t want to miss “Bay Watch”

And the number one thing I don’t want to her my doctor say during surgery…

  • Oops!

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Filed Under: Clean Jokes, Doctor Jokes, Jokes

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Comments

  1. Me says

    December 30, 2007 at 2:05 am

    And the number one thing you don’t want to hear a docter say is:

    “I’m a doctor?”

    Reply
  2. unanymous says

    January 4, 2008 at 9:21 pm

    another thing you don’t want the doctor to say is…

    “He’s having bypass surgery?!!! i thought he was in for adult circumcision!!!”
    &
    “WTF?!!!”

    Reply
  3. jose says

    January 9, 2008 at 11:10 am

    LEARN HOW TO SPELL

    Reply
  4. snorider323 says

    January 15, 2008 at 11:41 am

    wow…ppl learn to tell better jokes

    Reply
  5. virginity loser says

    January 23, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    u lot were crap but i practically wet myself at the original joke!lol pmsl!

    Reply
  6. ishwer says

    January 28, 2008 at 10:22 am

    pls send me the jokes,kids jokes,stupid jokes,adult jokes now

    Reply
  7. Jokes Journal says

    February 15, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    Good joke! I will tell it to my subscribers too 🙂

    Keep up the good work!

    Reply
  8. god says

    April 4, 2008 at 10:20 pm

    # jose Says:
    January 9th, 2008 at 11:10 am

    LEARN HOW TO SPELL

    lern2spel…

    Reply
  9. Michael Johnson says

    July 4, 2008 at 7:35 am

    You can’t hear things when you’re about to go into surgery. You’re under anistetic.

    Reply
  10. Lauren says

    July 30, 2008 at 10:42 am

    Why cant u ppl just say nice things.

    Reply
  11. Sophie says

    September 15, 2008 at 4:02 am

    “The hip bone’s connected to the, leg bone. The leg bones connected to the, ankle bone. The ankle bones…”

    Wouldn’t wanna hear your surgeon singing that.

    Reply
  12. Stiefer-woman says

    October 31, 2008 at 7:31 am

    Michael are ya dumb?! No sh*& your under anesthesia (sp?) however that is why this is a JOKE doesnt have to be based on facts you doofus!

    Reply
  13. destiny says

    January 18, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    um.. your the doofus! (Stiefer-Women) jk… lol im just titting around withe u your my BREASTEST friend just TITTING don’t be such a BOOB #! o…yah!!!
    now that’s what u cal funy shiz

    Reply
  14. po2randall says

    February 1, 2009 at 1:50 am

    well they dont put you in a deep sleep anymore they keep you in a so called twilight sleep where you cant feel anything nor see you are able to hear and talk to them. My grand pa had heart implants a defibrillator and pace maker installed and he was in this type of state .

    Reply
  15. bri says

    April 16, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    im tellin you

    Reply
  16. ImaJew says

    March 11, 2010 at 12:10 am

    @Michael Johnson
    Just for future reference, you are not put to sleep for every king of surgery. I had knee surgery I got to watch it all in this huge ceiling mirror thing, it was sweet.
    ~~~ImaJew~~~

    Reply
  17. kim says

    June 29, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    The jokes we’re okay lol

    Reply
  18. I made 'em up! says

    July 11, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    More things you wouldn’t want your doctor to say: “This is the first time a patient has survived this long during an operation that I’ve done alone”, “This is my first time operating on a real person”, ” Hope you don’t need that”, or “That’ll grow back…wait…never mind”.

    Reply
  19. MIke says

    December 30, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    more things you wouldn’t want to hear:

    -Nurse, open the webpage of the hospital and click where it says “Are you totally lost?”
    -We’re out of anesthesia??
    -Quick! Where’s the manual?!

    Reply
  20. chris who sucks grimaces says

    May 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

    penis lol

    Reply
  21. Follower of Christ says

    July 31, 2017 at 12:39 pm

    I fail to understand why some people think they must use filthy language—and even less do I see any call to post it for the public to see! There are others who are very offended at such language as that. It seems you foul-mouthed people haven’t got a very big vocabulary; if you did, you’d find better, cleaner ways to express yourselves.

    Reply
    • Darth Vader Lover says

      September 10, 2018 at 3:31 pm

      you are right Christ

      Reply

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