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You are here: Home / Jokes / Clean Jokes / Lawyers And Light Bulbs

Lawyers And Light Bulbs

April 2, 2009 by 41 Comments

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? This is a question that’s been at the forefront of discussion amongst the most prestigious scholars and lawmakers of the world. Finally, after getting them all together – the question has been answered.

A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as ‘the lawyers’ and the party of the second part, also known as ‘the light bulb’ do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

light-bulb1. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part shall be undertaken by the party of the first part to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part, notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil is observed by the party of the first part throughout.

2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes seperated from the party of the third part, also known as the ‘receptacle’, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part, also known as ‘new light bulb’. This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part becomes snug in the party of the third part and in fact becomes the party of the second part.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by said party of the first part, or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do sum the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as ‘The Firm’.

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Filed Under: Clean Jokes, Jokes, Lawyer Jokes

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Comments

  1. IrritatedOyster says

    April 3, 2009 at 1:06 am

    Too much reading. Didn’t even bother getting past #1

    Reply
  2. unspectidelucyann17 says

    April 3, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Why don’t thay make it a litte smaller

    PS. I did not read it

    Reply
  3. martha says

    April 4, 2009 at 3:13 pm

    Its to long u are lost to the humor at the end

    Reply
  4. keethmoon says

    April 7, 2009 at 2:43 am

    jeeeeeeeesus. ive seen a long joke before but my god…..how boring ? didnt even get past the question dude ! whats wrong with just a number and an explanation? nice attempt though . nice try 🙂

    Reply
  5. KeethLion says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    OMG! Soooooo boring! Jeese man what the heck is wrong with that! OMG Didnt even get past the preview !

    Reply
  6. YOMAMA!HA HA says

    April 8, 2009 at 11:13 am

    IT WAS 2 LONG LOL ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY..IM NOT READIN THAT!!!WTF

    Reply
  7. Rae says

    April 9, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    omg dat was preety funny!! all of u that thought it was too long that was the point!!!! duh!!! lawyers alwasy beat around the bush, add non needed info thats the joke!!! lol

    Reply
  8. FunnyVuvu says

    April 11, 2009 at 6:50 am

    agree wit u Rae but only on the notion law is a very borrrrrring profession. not on the joke is funny. lol where’s ur funny bone. duuhh!!!

    Reply
  9. CC says

    April 11, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Verrrrrrry Goooood!!!!!!! It leaves NOTHING to be misunderstood. If all contractual agreements were written in such a manner, ie: friendship, love, marriage, etc., there would be a lot less heartache and misunderstandings.

    Reply
  10. explainer says

    April 15, 2009 at 12:18 pm

    You dont have to read all the way through. If you just skim read it then you get the genneral jist of it and it is mediocally funny. The point of the joke (i think) is that it is long and slightly boring (THATS THE POINT!!!!!) and this is one joke on this website that i actually felt was slightly funny. If they made the joke shorter then there wouldn’t be a joke at all!!!!

    Reply
  11. pain says

    April 29, 2009 at 9:45 am

    it could be better

    Reply
  12. Shade says

    April 30, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    you guys obviously dont get it, it describes how a lawyer would have to legally word the steps involved in simply changing a light bulb.

    Reply
  13. d says

    May 1, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    i think the writer must be a lawyer.

    Reply
  14. myhale says

    May 26, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    lol Yeah.
    That’s the whole point of it-
    It’s long, and that’s what makes it funny!

    Reply
  15. chocolate squirelador says

    June 4, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    ur people are stupid…its supposed to be long lol, lawyers never go right to the point.

    ps. my dads a lawyer…lol

    Reply
  16. David says

    June 5, 2009 at 3:49 am

    Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? This is a question that’s been at the forefront of discussion amongst the most prestigious scholars and lawmakers of the world. Finally, after getting them all together – the question has been answered.

    A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as ‘the lawyers’ and the party of the second part, also known as ‘the light bulb’ do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

    light-bulb1. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part shall be undertaken by the party of the first part to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part, notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil is observed by the party of the first part throughout.

    2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes seperated from the party of the third part, also known as the ‘receptacle’, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

    3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part, also known as ‘new light bulb’. This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part becomes snug in the party of the third part and in fact becomes the party of the second part.

    Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by said party of the first part, or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do sum the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as ‘The Firm’.

    Reply
  17. dittr says

    June 12, 2009 at 2:14 am

    It is tooo long and eve nif it ends up funny, u would noy laugh cause u would be bored out of ur head! lol i didn’t bother.

    Reply
  18. priyansh says

    June 18, 2009 at 7:13 am

    get off it dude……….i didn’t even reach da first 3rd para……

    had it been either smaller or less complicated…….

    Reply
  19. mamalawyer says

    June 22, 2009 at 8:02 am

    it displays how good lawyers are at complicating simple matters

    Reply
  20. huh? says

    June 24, 2009 at 11:06 am

    what? this joke is much too long for my taste, even with the comedic irony

    Reply
  21. Stephanie Pitso says

    July 14, 2009 at 7:12 am

    Ag come on!I’m studying to become a lawyer and if I ever get that boring and technical, slap me plz!!!

    Reply
  22. Brent says

    July 22, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    I LIKE PIE!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  23. wally says

    September 9, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    fair enough for not getting it.
    i feel like ive wasted my time by reading it through …

    Reply
  24. Suba says

    September 20, 2009 at 7:34 am

    Actually it is not a joke! It must be a busines deed;-)

    Reply
  25. sammy says

    September 20, 2009 at 9:20 am

    u guys r soooo stupid the whole point of the joke is that it is long coz lawers make long stupid contracts… try thinkin about the joke before u diss ur obviously not spose 2 reed it

    Reply
  26. afojiggahman says

    October 29, 2009 at 3:59 am

    stupid joke

    Reply
  27. Joker says

    November 5, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    That’s hilarious… and no, I didn’t read the whole thing. What makes the joke funny is that it’s long and drawn out, and full of legalise. You’re not supposed to read it all.

    Reply
  28. hhhhh says

    December 30, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    WHEN U R READING THIS DONT STOP OR SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN! MY NAME IS SUMMER I AM 15 YEARS OLD i have BLONDE HAIR ,MANY SCARS no NOSE OR EARS.. I AM DEAD. IF U DONT COPY THIS jUST LIKE FROM THE RING, COPY N POST THIS ON 5 MORE SITES.. OR.. SUMMER WILL APPEAR ONE DARK QUIET NIGHT WHEN UR NOT ExPECTING IT BY YOUR BED

    Reply
  29. Temi says

    March 13, 2010 at 6:25 am

    Come is dis a joke or a story?

    Reply
  30. aatka says

    April 27, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    eh i red it wasted my time i guess its funny but i didnt laf

    Reply
  31. Understandable says

    May 24, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Omg i didnt understand a word it said lol and i read ALL of it haha these people are stupid :/\

    Reply
  32. ROFL says

    July 1, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    I guess it’s supposed to be about how lawyers try to cover all bases while doing a simple task like replacing a light bulb. … god, it must have been a pain to write all this..

    Reply
  33. West Side Story Fan says

    July 12, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    I read ALL OF IT! It was actually funny! My jaw dropped after I realized I had only read step one! It took a long time to finish the whole thing! P.S. Brent said something that made me think my brothers were on the site! (Good thing they don’t know about this site!)

    Reply
  34. 笑话 says

    September 8, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    巴菲特

    Reply
  35. JOHN KORIR says

    September 14, 2010 at 3:50 am

    This joke is inconsistent with moral sadness, repugnant to boredom; and legal to all parties, either the aforesaid (hereby defined as the bored person) or the 1st, 2nd or 3rd parties- whichever comes first. Wonderful and motivating! May the writer keep it up!-(j.korir@ymail.com)

    Reply
  36. tonde4jc says

    December 12, 2010 at 6:37 am

    john korir, are u a lawyer? yo comment made me hink so.
    th thing is th jok z mearnt to reflect contracts tht lawyers hv to deal wth, to leave nothin to a person’s assumptions, n thts th whole point.

    Reply
  37. babalwa j says

    March 4, 2011 at 7:37 am

    dnt read laywers jokes if you knw ur nt gna undastnd a word.

    Reply
  38. aman anand says

    March 17, 2011 at 11:28 am

    well ppl it is a joke for the lawyers please understand, they ( the lawyers) must be able to understand the joke fully and therefore the author of the joke aims to keep law suites far off him.

    p.s.
    love the joke
    &
    my sister is a lawyer

    Reply
  39. me-me says

    April 2, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    my-my! time flies.started reading this joke at 1pm(2009) just finished now(1pm 2010). my point long jokes suck.

    Reply
  40. qwerty says

    December 21, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    so whats the answer?

    Reply
  41. BTH says

    April 23, 2012 at 12:09 am

    Really? I started laughing just looking at the answer. You’re not actually supposed to read it.

    Reply

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