Drive for show, Putt for dough, Shank for comic relief.
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.
Real golfers know how to count over five, when they have a bad hole.
Real golfers don’t miss putts, they get robbed.
In golf as in life, it’s the follow through that makes the difference.
Golf is an easy game… it’s just hard to play.
Real golfers don’t cry when they line up their fourth putt.
If there is any larceny in man, golf will bring it out.
I play with friends, but we don’t play friendly games.
Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don’t you?
As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don’t put into it.
Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course, the space between your ears.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.’
If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
The only shots you can be dead sure of are those you’ve had already.
The golf swing is like sex. You can’t be thinking about the mechanics of the act while you are performing.
Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at.
The harder you work, the luckier you get.
I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.
Golf is not and has never has been a fair game.
I think I fail just a bit less than everyone else.
When I’m on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold up my one iron, ’cause I know even God can’t hit a one iron.
I’m going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.
Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.
No one who ever had lessons would have a swing like mine.
You don’t know what pressure is until you’ve played for five dollars a hole with only two in your pocket.
I’m in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible.
It’s the most fun I’ve ever had with my clothes on.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they would have come up sliced
If my IQ had been two lower I’d have been a plant somewhere
I’m hitting the driver so good I gotta dial the operator for long distance after I hit it.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore’, shoot six and write down five.
Golf is a game where guts and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing but an ulcer.
The greatest liar in the world is the golfer how claims he plays the game for merely exercise.
A lot of guys who have never choked, have never been in the position to do so.
Golf is a game who’s aim it is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.