The following dumb laws are, or were at some point, actually laws in the United States listed below. Now, before you go any further do know that I’m not a lawyer nor am I claiming any responsibilty if you bail off and do something stupid or try using something here as a defense in court (rofl at that).
- In Jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
- It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
- It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
- It is illegal to play Dominos on Sunday.
- Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
- In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
- While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
- In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants.
- In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American.
- In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse.
- In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders.
- A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
- In Fayetteville, it is illegal to kill “any living creature”.
- Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-Day jail term.
- Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
- Women may not drive in a house coat.
- In Pacific Groove, “molesting” butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
- It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
- In San Francisco, it is illegal to wipe one’s car with used underwear.
- It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
- In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
- It is illegal to dispose used razor blades.
- In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h. even when going to a fire.
- In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
- It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
- If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
- In Miami, it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.
- Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed.
- When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
- In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.
- While Georgia operates its own lottery, it “protects” its citizens by making it illegal to promote a private lottery.
- Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
- Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
- No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket on Sunday.
- It is illegal to appear in public wearing only swimming trunks.
It is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit.
- You may not fish on a camel’s back.
- In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.
- According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American”.
- Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.
- It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
- State law forbids any establishment from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player.
- In Fort Madison, firemen are required to practice for 15 minutes before attending a fire.
- Prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.
- It is illegal to remarry the same man four times.
- In New Orleans, fire trucks are required by law to stop at all red lights.
- It is considered “simple assault” to bite someone in New Orleans; it is “aggravated assault” if the biter has false teeth.
- It is against the law to gargle in public.
- It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
- In Waterville, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.
- In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.
- In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms.
- It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license.
- In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
- In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas.
- In Clawson, it is legal for a farmer to “sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.”
- A state law stipulates that a woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband.
- In Detroit, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is parked on your property.
- You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.
- In Port Huron, the speed limit for ambulances in 20 m.p.h.
- Under state law, dentists are officially classified as “mechanics.”
- Women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus.
- In Minneapolis, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang.
- Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard.
- It’s illegal to tease skunks.
- In Truro, a would-be groom must “prove himself manly” prior to marriage by hunting and killing either six blackbirds or three crows.
- It is illegal to have oral sex.
- Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted 1820).
- Prostitution is considered a “crime against the family”.
- It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
- It is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
- It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style.
- Seven or more indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.
- It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
- It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
- It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
- You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
- It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
- Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
- On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
- Spray paint may not be sold without a posted sign warning juveliles of the penalty for creating graffiti.
- It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.
- It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
- It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
- Hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery.
- A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
- It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
- A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
- The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
- Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
- It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
- It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
- A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.
- It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
- It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
- It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
- It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
- A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
- The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
- You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
- Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.