The bartender says “You can’t have that thing in here! Get out!” The guy says “It’s okay, this Alligator is highly trained. Just give me a few seconds and I’ll show you.” The bartender, intrigued, gives him the go-ahead. The man gingerly lifts the alligator up onto a table. By this point, everybody in the […]
Those Dirty Pirates
A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ”There’s the plank for trouble makers, there’s the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there’s the barrel for all you sexual needs.” ”Whatcha mean? my sexual needs?” ”Well, you stick your willy in the hole and […]
What A Scary Flight
After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess announces over the intercom that “we’re just waiting for the pilots.” The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind. There are murmurs among the passengers, […]
Getting Bank of America By The Balls
A little old lady walks into Bank of America and asks to open a savings account. The new accounts receptionist first thinks this is strange, probably because everyone is leaving them for credit unions now. At any rate, the accounts person asks her how much she wanted to deposit to open the account, and the […]
The Not So Stupid Monkey
A man walks in a bar with his pet monkey. He sits down and orders a drink, meanwhile the monkey is running around all over the place and jumps up on a pool table. He grabs the 8 ball, shoves it into his mouth and swallows it hole. “Holy crap!” says the bartender, completely livid. […]