Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
Auntie Em, Hate you; Hate Kansas; Taking the dog. –Dorothy.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
I am not a bum – My wife works
I am not unemployed I am a consultant
I’m out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?
Don’t Start With Me. You Know How I Get.
A good day is when the shit hits the fan and I have time to duck.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Humpty Dumpty didn’t fall…he was pushed.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.