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You are here: Home / Jokes / Dirty Jokes / Getting Bank of America By The Balls

Getting Bank of America By The Balls

November 21, 2011 by F&J Staff 8 Comments

A little old lady walks into Bank of America and asks to open a savings account. The new accounts receptionist first thinks this is strange, probably because everyone is leaving them for credit unions now. At any rate, the accounts person asks her how much she wanted to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady replies, “Three million dollars.” The accounts person is startled, and says, “In what form?” and the little old lady says, “Cash. I’ve got it right here in this bag…”

The accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. In light of this highly unusual event, the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank involved. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, “Gambling.”

“Gambling?”, he says. “What sort of gambling?”

“Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I’ve got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I’ll even give you 10:1 odds. You got $10,000 you’d be willing to wager on that?” The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn’t get to be the president of Bank of America without knowing a thing or two about money. “I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that wager, but I wouldn’t feel right taking it from you… there’s just no way you could win that bet!” The little old lady just shook the bag and said, “I know what I’m doing… and I can afford to lose! Is it a bet?”

“OK, have it your way”, said the president, and they shook hands on it.” See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning”, said the little old lady, and with that she left.

Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president’s office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He’d gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal. When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won. “Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?” said the president. “He’s my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?”

“No, perfectly understandable”, said the president. “Well, it’s now noon, and I’m still unchanged, so I guess I win!” he said happily.

“Not so fast!” said the little old lady. “For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please, drop your pants!”

The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he’d want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question. “OK, you win, here’s your $100,000,” says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.

“What’s wrong with him?” asks the bank president.

“Oh, he’s just upset… sore loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of Bank of America by the balls by noon today!”

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Filed Under: Dirty Jokes, Jokes

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Comments

  1. Ibe Uzoma says

    November 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Hahahahahaha…
    Very Very funny.
    My laff wants to disconnect my network. LMFAO

    Reply
  2. Moorre says

    May 2, 2012 at 3:55 am

    Nice joke….

    Reply
  3. HelenBack says

    July 22, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Older but good…

    Reply
  4. JOHN says

    November 22, 2012 at 1:04 am

    GAMBLING IS A VERY DANGEROUS GAME.STAY AWAY OR DIE POOR.

    Reply
  5. Obama says

    September 29, 2013 at 2:25 am

    well done

    Reply
  6. Bobz says

    October 19, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    Ha ha…gud one!

    Reply
    • Janelle says

      April 27, 2017 at 1:34 pm

      That insthgi’s perfect for what I need. Thanks!

      Reply
      • MvS says

        July 4, 2017 at 3:21 pm

        What does “insthgi’s” mean/stand for?

        Reply

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