Do you have a fear of standing alone at your company party with nobody to talk to and no way to break the ice? Have no fear, F&J is here! Here’s a quick and dirty arsenal of one-liner jokes that are sure to make you the life of the party. Rest assured that nobody will still be talking to you when you’re done spouting these beauties off.
- Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!
- Which country has the squarest sheep? Cuba.
- Regardless of what the Borg said, resistance is NOT futile, it’s just voltage divided by current!
- What makes the scarecrow so good at his job? He’s outstanding in his field!
- Hey, have you seen that crazy one-legged midget that hangs around outside of Wal-Mart and hides from ugly people? Oh, of course you haven’t.
- Why does a chicken coop has two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
- What do Jewish women get when they go to the gynecologist? A pap schmear!
- So I walked in on my dad chopping Onions one day… and it made me cry. Onions was my favorite cat.
- To whom do agnostics pray? To whom it may concern.
- what did the zero say to the eight? Hey man, nice belt!
- What do you get when you mix Viagra with Chuck E. Cheese? Kicked out.
Do you know any other classless one-liner jokes? Maybe something your dad said, or your something “friend” used to try and impress some chick before she rolled her eyes and bad mouthed him to all her friends even though he was just trying to be friendly and nice and she was being a total bit… nevermind. Post ’em up, folks!
There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says “How do you drive this thing?”
Oh another note, welcome back F&J! It’s been a long time since your last joke!
Two muffins were in an oven. The 1st muffin turned to the 2nd muffin and said “hey, is it hot in here or is it just me?” and the 2nd muffin said “woah a talking muffin.” smile
When Joseph Pilates, the founder of the Contrology method, more commonly referred to as Pilates, introduced his machine exercises to the world, he was asked if he was trying to transform lives. He replied, \No, he was only trying to reform them!\
You may have to be a Pilates enthusiast to understand this joke. If you aren’t then the punch-line stems from the fact that one of the first exercise machines he developed is called a reformer. 🙂