You Might Be Liberal If…

Now, some of you might not be able to take this. In this country (thanks to our school systems and media – yes it’s true don’t argue : ) we’ve got some closet Liberals (eww dirty word). At any rate, you might be a liberal if

  • You think people who make above minimum wage are rich and should be taxed at 90 percent.
  • Upon hearing that President Clinton committed a rape and murder as part of Whitewater, you replied, “So what?”
  • You blame the Republicans for rainy weather.
  • You think Hillary Clinton is, “A babe.”
  • You think George Stephenapolis is, “A hunk.”
  • You paid $500,000.00 for a beer keg once used by John F. Kennedy.
  • You protested American intervention in Vietnam, but support American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia.
  • If the years 1966 through 1974 are vague memories because of the effects of drug abuse.
  • You are not shocked when someone says “F—” but are profoundly shocked when someone says “N—-”.
  • You think Newt Gingrich should be dipped in gravy train and fed to a pack of ravenous poodles.
  • You think that a naval aircraft carrier should be named after George McGovern, but then you remember that one aircraft carrier could feed a million starving children for a year.
  • Upon hearing of anything bad that has happened, the first thing you think should be done is that the oil companies should be investigated.
  • You are against sexual harassment except when committed by Senator Kennedy.
  • You think heterosexual love is a male chauvinist plot to oppress women.
  • You think Al Franken is actually funny, but Rush Limbaugh is not.
  • You ever proposed that cockroaches should be placed on the endangered species list.
  • You ever drove to an Earth Day rally in a Lincoln Towncar, or a Ferrari.
  • You object to little old ladies wearing fur, but not big, mean bikers  wearing leather.
  • You once referred to President Reagan as “that man in the White House.”
  • You think that the Unabomber “has a point.”
  • You think that Doctors should be made into government bureaucrats, but that lawyers should not.
  • You cried out, “Where did I go wrong!” when your son or daughter joined the Marine Corps.
  • You’ve felt compelled to buy the child rearing book entitled, “How to get your Children to Say No in the 90s When You Said Yes in the 60s.”
  • You think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz is not.
  • You don’t go into a fit of rage when Barney is on TV.
    Or Pat Schroeder
    Or David Bonior.
  • You are against prayer in public schools, even before math tests.

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