Now, some of you might not be able to take this. In this country (thanks to our school systems and media – yes it’s true don’t argue : ) we’ve got some closet Liberals (eww dirty word). At any rate, you might be a liberal if…
- You think people who make above minimum wage are rich and should be taxed at 90 percent.
- Upon hearing that President Clinton committed a rape and murder as part of Whitewater, you replied, “So what?”
- You blame the Republicans for rainy weather.
- You think Hillary Clinton is, “A babe.”
- You think George Stephenapolis is, “A hunk.”
- You paid $500,000.00 for a beer keg once used by John F. Kennedy.
- You protested American intervention in Vietnam, but support American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia.
- If the years 1966 through 1974 are vague memories because of the effects of drug abuse.
- You are not shocked when someone says “F—” but are profoundly shocked when someone says “N—-”.
- You think Newt Gingrich should be dipped in gravy train and fed to a pack of ravenous poodles.
- You think that a naval aircraft carrier should be named after George McGovern, but then you remember that one aircraft carrier could feed a million starving children for a year.
- Upon hearing of anything bad that has happened, the first thing you think should be done is that the oil companies should be investigated.
- You are against sexual harassment except when committed by Senator Kennedy.
- You think heterosexual love is a male chauvinist plot to oppress women.
- You think Al Franken is actually funny, but Rush Limbaugh is not.
- You ever proposed that cockroaches should be placed on the endangered species list.
- You ever drove to an Earth Day rally in a Lincoln Towncar, or a Ferrari.
- You object to little old ladies wearing fur, but not big, mean bikers wearing leather.
- You once referred to President Reagan as “that man in the White House.”
- You think that the Unabomber “has a point.”
- You think that Doctors should be made into government bureaucrats, but that lawyers should not.
- You cried out, “Where did I go wrong!” when your son or daughter joined the Marine Corps.
- You’ve felt compelled to buy the child rearing book entitled, “How to get your Children to Say No in the 90s When You Said Yes in the 60s.”
- You think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz is not.
- You don’t go into a fit of rage when Barney is on TV.
Or Pat Schroeder
Or David Bonior.
- You are against prayer in public schools, even before math tests.