You Might Be An Iraqi If…
Our apologies go out to Jeff Foxworthy for taking his Redneck jokes to the next level. This was sent to us via email by one of our troops in Iraq, as proof that even they can have a sense of humor during this time of war. So, without further ado we present…
You Might Be An Iraqi If…
- You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
- You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
- You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
- You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
- You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
- You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
- You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
- You bathe at least monthly, whether necessary or not.
- You have more wives than teeth.
- You have ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.
What'd You Think?
(153 votes, average: 3.46 out of 5)
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March 18th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Well, i’m just feeling sorry for those who write such jokes and spread them .. you just want to promote your website, but don’t have mind to think what you writting. what ever going on in muslim countries is because of people like you. if you wish i can forward you a scan copy of a letter written by english leader in 1850’s when he visited subcontinent and wrote back to his queen saying “there isn’t any problem in here, people are living with peace and love.. only strategy to rule them is to divide and rule” .. dude! look at the bigger picture, think y something going wrong in iraq ? you can see an iraqi carring a gun , but you can’t see the american sucking petrol free from iraq .. well , you can’t understand becoz you are living you life peacefully, if you have seen that situation might possibly you will think something different..
March 18th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
To Waqas….its a joke, get a life! im a lawyer, if i got insulted over every joke about me i would be a very, very misrable person and there are alot more jokes about my preofession an lifestyle then there are about Iraq. But thats just it, they are JOKES.
Get a life!
March 18th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Sweet, we pissed somebody off.
March 19th, 2008 at 10:46 am
“Whatever is going on in Muslin countries is because of people like you.”
HAHAHAHAH OMG HAHAHAHAH That’s almost as funny as the joke itself.
March 19th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
If we can’t laugh at people that think they are going to get 70 virgins for blowing them selves up, who can we laugh at? I don’t even know 70 virgins!!!
March 19th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I VISITED THE WEBSITE TO READ SOME JOKES BUT SURPRISED IT CONTAINS SERIOUS MATERIAL ABOUT HUMILIATION OF SOME SPECIFIC GEOGRAPHIC PEOPLE WHO DO NOT HAVE THEIR OWN GOVERNMENT ARMY AND EVEN WISHES. THEY CARRY GUNS TO SAVE THEIR WOMEN FROM FOREIGN MILITERY MEN. THEY ARE SO INNOCENT THAT FOREIGN ARMED PEOPLE COME TO THEIR COUNTRY TO CAPTURE AND DESTROY ALL OF THE ASSETS OF COUNTRY INSPITE HEAD OF GOVERNMENT SAYS THEY DON’T HAVE WEAPONS OF………….. AND ALL WORLD PEACE LOVING PEOPLE PROTEST AGAINST THAT DESTRUCTION BUT……………………….. HISTORY IS VERY INTERESTING SUBJECT IF U READ WITHOUT BEING PRAGDUIST……….. SORRY IF SPELLS ARE WRONG FOR COUPLE OF WORDS…………………..
PLZ HAVE SOME RELAXING MATERIAL SO WE ALL CAN ENJOY WHILE VISITING THE SITE……………..
March 19th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
let me correct my last entry accidentally hit 2 keys then posted it however got nothing to say
March 20th, 2008 at 4:41 am
To Waqas - It may best if you spent less time visiting/posting on websites that feature offensive jokes and more time visiting websites that interest you. My suggestions include: english grammar, reading comprehension, logic. This joke was posted by a military soldier in Iraq, whom i seriously doubt is living life peacefully and has “seen that situation.” The posts should be variations of the above joke and not a message board for unsubstantiated political & social jargon. Irony of it all is that I laughed more at your comments than i did the joke itself…i guess a thank you is in order….keep up the good work…just somewhere else.
March 20th, 2008 at 6:56 am
If you are not raciest and respect other people, please rate this joke as low as possible.
March 20th, 2008 at 7:29 am
I think hummer is not about insulting innocent people. No one is super perfect. Iraqis are not killing anyone but American solders.
If you just imagine if Russia occupies the USA in the name of peace and justice and kill and rap you family. What would you do? The Russian army captures your father and insult him. They make jokes about you being a bastard. Then you will be in the same situation as Iraqis are.
So please do not support or justify this humiliation of humanity.
March 21st, 2008 at 6:11 am
Hey im currently in Iraq now, love the joke!!!!
The biggest joke on here though is definetly waqas.
Hopefully your over here fighting this war while you comment something like that, if not please enlist!~!
March 21st, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Malik, it’s HUMOR not HUMMER. Maybe our American Soldiers should be teaching Iraqis some grammar.
March 21st, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Sigh, I love how you can find someone offended in the racist jokes, because their comments are funnier than the joke itself. You’re on a website dedicated to mostly JOKES. What the hell are you gonna expect?
March 21st, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Life is a joke to you people. First you go and steal their lands, oil and all resources and now making fun of them. Killing millions of innocent civilians then making fun of them. Americans are the biggest terrorists.
Americans your president lied to you at the first place and got several soldiers killed for their own vested interests and yet Americans are too lazy to do something. Shame on americans.
By the way I am not an iraqi, I am from Denmark.
Peace
March 21st, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Jokes are funny and sometimes offensive. When some people take it seriosly, others should just stay calm. half this page is attacking each other -for what?
people are dying in iraq 0 whether its because a presiden lied, people who call themselves part of religion are dng things that the religion is against and innocent people both soldies and civilians are dying every min. I am a muslim and I hate these people who started all this by brainwashing others in the name is religion to kill others. I feek sorry for those who under the hardship of their own people, follow these dumb leaders. So maybe we can keep away from attacking each other and educate ourselves in things like religion, culture, and maybe, just maybe - to relax?
March 22nd, 2008 at 10:05 am
Hey, this is a joke. Chill out. Imagine what would happen if all dumb blondes would complain about dumb blonde jokes. Jokes and cartoons are made about Catholics all the time, and we do not complain. What makes Muslims so special they have to be off limits to humor?
March 22nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
Wow…you are a lawyer…enough said…and to the idiots that are complaining about the grammer let me see you study any other language and speak it let alone knowing the right grammer…..i bet you still can’t differentiate you’re sers and estars…or was that over your head…get bakc to your 9 to 5s you ignorant pigs…this is why we have wars…you gotta be kidding me!! jokes are jokes and some of them were funny but if someone complains or gets offended instead taking the time to insult them let it be…am nevr coming back to this site so have nice day now ya’ll!! lol
March 23rd, 2008 at 2:56 pm
why are people tripping on this?? it is a joke!!! a knock off of you might be a redneck if…. i dont see any negative comments on any of those jokes.. and they are about the people that live right next door to you or about you yourself… hahahahahahah.. keep the iraqi jokes coming man!!!
March 23rd, 2008 at 9:58 pm
hey waqas,
Our apologies go out to Jeff Foxworthy for taking his Redneck jokes to the next level. This was sent to us via email
by one of our troops is Iraq, did you see that noob
freakin jew!
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
i agree w/ rob you stupid commy
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
rob is awesome
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:08 pm
So all you noob’s you just need to chill with all the hostility
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:33 pm
I propose a fight to the death betwwen rob and waqas…and GO!!
20 bucks on rob.
March 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Its just a joke people..get the hell over it. HA HA! I think that grammar tutoring is definitely needed! I can also help you idiots with some Reading skills. Apparently, some of you did not read what kind of website this was. It says J-O-K-E-S. Innocent sinner, shut the hell up. You obviousy came to this site to laugh at someone’s expense just like everyone else. So get off your high horse you moron. As for all you other idiots that are crying about being offended…cry me a river. This is America baby…and freedom of speech is what we are all about! So keep the jokes coming!
March 24th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
lmfao who ever is complaining you’re way too serious, its a joke for crying out like. i agree with the lang. arts teacher. some of you guys really need some tutorials. lmfao we even got a mexican in this argument. btw yes plenty of americans are learning your language so we can get our lawns properly mowed. Ese corta mi cesped ahora!
March 25th, 2008 at 1:44 am
Hey, its a joke people… There are jokes on blondes, on sardars, on lawyers, on politicians etc… These ppl don’t go insane if its a joke on them… I wonder why all the moslems of the world unite to go against this joke…
And, btw the facts are true… nothing out of fiction…
March 26th, 2008 at 3:29 am
whoever wrote this should be ashamed and owes an apology to all the iraqis.i sincerely hope that this person goes through what iraqis are suffering atleast once in his lifetime
March 26th, 2008 at 3:30 am
and wipping one’s ass with left hand is better than not wipping it at all.
March 26th, 2008 at 9:56 am
We need more people like Jess. They’re jokes. If they’re not true why are you getting offended?
March 26th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
what the hell id rather not wipe at all !!
March 26th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Hahah them jokes are great its nice to know that there are still people who aint scared to tell a good joke and all them people who get offended by it tell me were you live and ill come over and kick your ass cuss thats the american we tell racial jokes we laugh our ass off when some one hurts them selfs and we hate people who think there better then amaricans cuss there is no one better than us and its becase we are made up of differnt groups off people that can sit back and laugh at the expence of others so kiss my ass if you dont like it cuss you can always get the hell out of amarica trust me we dont want ya here anyways you stuped dumbass
March 30th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Bro we all need to lax about this kinda stuff.. im jewisd and
if i had a penny for everytime i heard a jewish joke that is not PC id be one rich jew
and i dont think my people have had a worse hardship then the iraqis but i can still take a joke
wake up everyone YOUR NOT FCKINGSPECIAL
April 1st, 2008 at 7:03 am
U kno u r in america if.
If your name has F**k in it
o mama scrows all yo neighbors
Yo father walk out on u wen u were 2 months
Yo father is a drunk
Yo president is a dump moron
*************************************
just joking am american
April 1st, 2008 at 7:26 pm
yo, im a muslim yeh n maybe iraqis r getin it bad yeh but its a joke n the pope cn go piss off if u laugh at others expense ur a low lyf n if ur american its cuz or because for that matter not cuss get it? n those hu r tkin it offensively need to chill out i mean if it ws sumfing bwt christians or some other relgion then you would be laughing aswell, so relax and dont fight yeh cuz it ws only a joke, and dnt say to pple dey cnt spell cuz if dey aynt english or american den its a bit obvious there speelin aynt gunna be top class now is it? you all need to chill out! and btw aericanz aynt all of that im british! and proud of it!
April 1st, 2008 at 7:56 pm
That was an extremely rude joke, I’m definitley not a racist and believe this is why certain nationalities have such a bad rep, i’m scoring this joke as low as i can- it was STUPID!!!
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
amanda i totally agree and youre right it is why certain nationalities have such bad rep and u shudnt i also agree that it was extremely rude but then again it was a joke and there are many other racial jokes about various other races but i still agree anywayz give me your addy sometime maybe we can talk im a girl btw lol dnt get me wrong im straight too lol holla back yeh k den im out!
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Hahaha! I love this joke. It was so true. If you don’t like freedom of speech then leave. If you don’t support this joke sent from an AMERICAN SOLDIER then you are truely not American. Atleast with the hardships the soldiers are suffering from trying to clean up that country’s mess they can still joke. God Bless America and The American Soldier.
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:03 pm
hey i can understand why people would be offended by this joke weither muslim or not i am scottish and support america 100% however the whole iraqi situation is anything but funny, and for who ever is talking about freedom of speech if you truely believe that then allow people to complain — isn’t that the point !!!!
April 6th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
i dont think this joke is racist but it is nothing more than a joke im a muslim but not from iraq. you have to admit some of you iraqi that if the joke was the other way round, offending americans you would of be the first ones laugh…. lol
April 8th, 2008 at 1:10 am
Dude… no one needs to get offended these are just jokes
But still don’t forget ignorance propagates ignorance
Somewhere in the comments i read something about 70 vigins
Why…?…. because ppl have developed misconceptions.
Im not saying anything about the joke but that any jokes
including those about lawyers, blondes, blacks, greeks, arabs,
russians, americans, europeans, dentists and whoever else
they simply propagate ignorance …. there is no such thing as
getting 70 virgins in the after life… but it is an ignorant comment
That brandon picked up somewhere… that is the reason this joke
is not good …. not because i hate humour…. I greatly admire ppl
like adam ferera who constantly make fun of pakistanis … but he
makes his jokes in an environment where most ppl understand that
the premises around the jokes are not entirely true… and ppl don’t
act ignorant….. if you act ignorant after reading the joke …. clearly
this joke is bad …. if you understand the boundary between ignorance
and just a joke…. than there is nothing wrong with this joke…
Its relative….
April 9th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
OK, here’s the truthe y’all…Think of all the jokes you have made in your life. Ok, got it? Now how many off them are offensive, and how many are not offensive? LOL non offensive…Making a non offensive joke basically impossible…If you dont want to be offended, you do have a choice: A)To read the joke or B) To not read the joke. Obviously “MR. OFFENDED” read the joke and took it the wrong way. Sounds like he/she want to be heard because they don’t have a life of their own or have WAY too much time on their hands. Next time if you are going to read a joke, think to yourself “Will i be offended?” If so, dont read it and stay the f*!@ off the racial joke sites you god d!@# retard!
April 10th, 2008 at 9:52 am
juz forget the offensive things man…its a joke .and yes its pretty lame and offensive but there’s no need to go fighting each other….juz if u feel its offensive..juz forget about it and move on…life is much more than 1 stupid joke or insult or whatever…
April 11th, 2008 at 6:00 am
waz up all u s.o.b? Wat seemed as a joke has been taken off limits. And all of u giving grammar advice, go to hell with yo good gammar. No one is interested it. This is no speech. Lame grammar is part of the joke. Am a muslim, i dont believe in violence. We clean our butts with bare hands, having used tissue paper first. After that we use soap and water to wash our hands. Our butts have no trace of the stuff. Its a pity that all of who dont use water walk with the stuff stuck in yo ASSets.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
damn, ya’ll! chill out, its just a joke! if u dont like the content of the site then just go somewhere else, or find a different thing to laugh at. come on! i mean, if u laugh at a blonde joke but get pissed about the iraqi jokes, youre just a damn hypocrite~ its the same thing. its just there to laugh at, so take a chill pill!!!
April 18th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
hahaha, and yes, i thought it was very funny!
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:42 am
on a more constuctive note why don’t you change the name of this joke from “iraqi” to a terrorist group such as al-qaeda and add this as you “iraq joke”
A squad of US soldiers was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi gunman, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American soldier, also badly injured.
As first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured soldier what had happened.
The soldier reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was this heavily armed insurgent.
“We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches on opposite sides of the road.
“I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scumbag who got what he deserved – to try and draw him out - and he yelled back that Bush is an arrogant, inhuman, immature, self-serving, ignorant disgrace to the Presidency.
“So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited, hairy lesbian!
“He retaliated by yelling, ‘Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!’
“And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands and hugging each other, when a truck hit us!”
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:47 am
This is not about being a lawyer or blonde you stupid *&%^s! Do you even hear yourselves? Your stupid *&%^ing country goes into another country and slaughters millions of people and while STILL THERE AND STILL SLAUGHTERING you post a joke from an AMERICAN SOLDIER who seems to be pissed of with the situation (he should ask himself who he should really be blaming). Do you not see the problem here? Just how wrong that makes it? Make jokes, make them rude, make them racist I have no problem, but this is just disgusting. Someone needs to invade your country and show you what it’s like being oppressed. You had one attack on the twin towers and you never let the world forget. NO ONE has EVER made a joke about the twin towers now have they? Freedom of speech? HAHAHAHAHA
I am a Hindu and am from India (and if you *&%^s knew anything about the rest of the world you’d know there are many problems between the Muslims and Hindus in India so you can’t even say I’m biased). I don’t mind people making fun of indians or hindus or muslims or sikhs or jews, but this is just different and sick.
And all you great “english” experts, you guys are so bl*&dy illiterate that a guy from the third world (I/me) has a better command over your language than you do. You’re so *^&%ing dumb that you need your officials to change the rules of your language just to dumb it down to your comprehension.
April 22nd, 2008 at 2:55 am
And for any of you who are confused as to the anachronistic order in which my posts were posted its because I had to convert all my swear words to jibberish before the system would accept them.
Please read both my posts cos I think the joke is quite funny.