You Might Be A Redneck Jedi IF…

  • . . . you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
  • . . . you say “these are not the beers you are looking for.”
  • . . . that “disturbance in the Force” was just last night’s baked beans.
  • . . . the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside.
  • . . . you call your young apprentice, “Juner.(JR.)”
  • . . . you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.
  • . . . the Force isn’t the only thing that runs in your family.
  • . . . you call Hank Williams Jr. “master”.
  • . . . your landspeeder has a gun rack.
  • . . . you meditate to old CCR records.
  • . . . you call Yoda your Li’l green buddy.
  • . . . you have ever said, “Anger…Fear…Aggression…Yankees…the dark side are they.”
  • . . . your X-Wing has a still in it.
  • . . . your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
  • . . . there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.
  • . . . your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.
  • . . . you trim your beard and find a Mylock.
  • . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill.
  • . . . you use Jawas for a drink holders.
  • . . . you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
  • . . . you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
  • . . . you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D.
  • . . . you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
  • . . . you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.
  • . . . your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
  • . . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
  • . . . you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
  • . . . you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
  • . . . you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
  • . . . you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling.
  • . . . your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son, come on over t’ the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”
  • . . . you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light.
  • . . . you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
  • . . . you beat the Gammorean Guard in an “ugly” contest.
  • . . . your father’s name is Garth Vader.
  • . . . you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
  • . . . you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin’ at your sister.
  • . . . you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.
  • . . . you count B.O. as a Jedi power.
  • . . . you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.
  • . . . you have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.
  • . . . you think the best use of your light saber is cleaning your teeth.
  • . . . at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
  • . . . there is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
  • . . . you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
  • . . . a peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
  • . . . you can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE FORCE.
  • . . . your master ever said “My finger you will pull..hmmm?”
  • . . . you have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
  • . . . the worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
  • . . . wookies are offended by your B.O.
  • . . . you have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
  • . . . you have ever used the force in conjunction with bowling or a spitting contest.
  • . . . you have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
  • . . . you have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingie to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
  • . . . you wore burlap even before you started your Jedi training.
  • . . . your favorite meals on Dagoba incorporate native snakes.
  • . . . you have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
  • . . . you’ve asked an Ewok to help you go coon hunting.
  • . . . you use the “O” on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
  • . . . you call the Emporer “That old ugly dude in the house coat.”
  • . . . your favorite bar caters primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
  • . . . you’ve got a stuffed womp rat from Begger’s Canyon on your mantle.
  • . . . you’ve ever given someone a wedgie by using the force.
  • . . . you’re flying a ship that has no original parts.
  • . . . parts of a TIE fighter you blew up hang as a trophy in your living room.
  • . . . the cake at your wedding was sliced with a light saber.
  • . . . you own a pink flamingo with blaster holes in it.
  • . . . you inherited a styrofoam cooler and a tackle box with your light saber.
  • . . . you didn’t read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.
  • . . . you’ve used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon.
  • . . . you’ve moved from planet to planet to avoid Imperial storm troopers.
  • . . . your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame.
  • . . . the smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabba’s Gamorean guards.
  • . . . you have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
  • . . . you feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
  • . . . you ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
  • . . . you have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
  • . . . you have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
  • . . . you have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
  • . . . you ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
  • . . . you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
  • . . . although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
  • . . . you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
  • . . . you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
  • . . . you were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
  • . . . you hear . . . “Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle!”

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