Words Of Advice (Guess I’m Getting Old)

Maybe I’m just getting old, I’m used to folks always bossing me around… telling me what to do. “Hey you! Take this over to the John’s office and drop it off,” they’d say. Well, that was 10 years ago. Now I find myself bossing other people around, and with age I suppose comes wisdom. So, I’ve got a few words of advice for some folks…

For Rapper Wannabe’s – avoid having to say “know what I’m sayin” all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

Burglars – when running from the police, stick your right arm out and wrap an infant’s matress around it with duct tape. That’ll help incase they send the dogs after you.

Drivers – if a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, be sure to honk your horn and wave your arms out the window uncontrollably. This should help the car start and send it on it’s way.

Blind People – at least give yourself a chance to see by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

Accountants – don’t waste all your money on overpriced paper shredders. Just place a bucket of diarrhoea on top of all those credit card statements. If they want it that bad then they deserve it.

Depressed People – instead of attempting suicide as a “cry for help”, instead consider crying “help.” It might just save your life.

McDonald’s – why don’t you start thinking about the environment for a change? Why don’t you make all your paper sacks you put food in green, that way they blend into the countryside after their thrown out the car window.

Women – don’t waste your time faking orgasms. Men could couldn’t care less. Besides, you could use that wasted energy to vacuum the house later.

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