When You’re Feeling Stupid, Read This

Brooke Shields“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”

~ Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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Heather WhitestoneQuestion: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”

~ Miss Alabama’s Heather Whitestone in the 1994 Miss USA contest, who was later selected as Miss America 1995.

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Mariah Carey“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

~ Mariah Carey

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Winston Bennett“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body”

~ Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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Mayor Of Washington DC Marion Barry“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country”

~ Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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Hillary Clinton“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”

~ Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

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Congressional Candidate In Texas“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”

~ A congressional candidate in Texas.

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Danny Ozark Manager Of The Philadelphia Phillies“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”

~ Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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Al Gore“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

And (yea he gets two)…

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”

~ Al Gore, former Vice President of the United States (and inventor of teh internet : )

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Dan Quayle“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .”

~ Dan Quayle

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Lee Iococca“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”

~ Lee Iacocca

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Joe Theisman“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

~ Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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Colonel Gerald Wellman“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people”

~ Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

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Bill Clinton Former President of the United States“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”

~ Bill Clinton, Former President of the United States

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Keppel Enderbery“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”

~ Keppel Enderbery

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Department of Social Services“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”

~ Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”

~ Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


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