Valentine’s Day Jokes

February 14th is right around the corner, which means it’s time for a few misguided Valentine’s Day Jokes to poke fun at the day Cupid makes his rounds poking people in the butt with painful arrows and such. Rather than bore you with a bunch of babbling, we’ll get right to the funny jokes.

Top 5 Valentine (Or Love / Marriage) Quotes

  1. “The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.” ~Ann Landers
  2. “I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.” ~David Bissonnette
  3. “It’s better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.” ~Laurence J. Peter
  4. “Women are cursed, and men are the proof.” ~Rosanne Barr
  5. “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” ~Groucho Marx

Top 5 (Lame) Question and Answer Valentine Jokes

Q: What is a ram’s favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe!

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I’m stuck on you!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Add Your Own Jokes

Look I admit, a few of those jokes were lame. Good Valentine’s Jokes are hard to come by, why don’t you help us out and add some of your own in the comments below, just be sure to keep them family friendly!


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