Use It Or Lose It

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. She was somewhat upset.

“You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children? I’m leaving you! I want a divorce straight away!”

To which the husband replied “Hang on just a minute, let me explain.”

“Fine, go ahead,” she sobbed,” but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!”

And the husband began – “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night; the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid to put on any weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you’ve had for a few years but don’t use because you say they’re too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t use because ‘someone at work has a pair the same.’ ”

The husband took a quick breath and continued

“She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Please not to sound ungrateful but … do you have…. anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”

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