Tidings For The Church
A crusty old man walks into the local First Baptist Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. "
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this b*tch giving you a hard time?"
What'd You Think?
(65 votes, average: 4.23 out of 5)
Loading ...
This joke is hillarious !
blasphemy
hapie its just a joke not blasphemy and its funny
I dont know about blasphemy but is NOT FUNNY! If you laugh at that, I would say that you havent given your life to Christ. But that your choice and Im all for choice. God gives us a choice to follow him or not.
1134derrick, its funny…. Get over yourself
you wont go to hell for laughing at it
derrick 1134 if u put that number into a calculator then turn it upside down it says hell..and the joke is funny
rem500 has a point 1134derrick if your so into god and all his signs maybe you should take that sign on ur own name as your going to hell and this joke is funny cuse it would probly happen
………wow…….DISSSSSED! xD.had to say that, and the joke is just a joke, lighten up.
lol….
stupid pastor…where did HE get his degree?
very funny though :]
Whoever does not laugh at this is not aware of reality: Organized religion is all about money and power, just like any for profit enterprise. That pastor is going to heaven because he is true!!!!! Ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!acccccckkk!
Dont worry, the bible says that those who are riddiculed usually are first in line to heaven. So laugh at derrick all you want… This joke is neither a good example of any church, or funny.
Listen, no one is going to hell and God does not smite people for telling a joke, even if it is on the churches behalf. The point is, churches and organized religion today probably aren’t what Jesus had in mind when he first had followers anyway. So you should all take your biased opinions and shut up, even if you believe that organized religion is right. Ridiculing someone because they don’t believe in the church isn’t really making a good case for you to get into heaven. And yes it is a great example of most churches.
That’s all that’s pretty much left Mr. Shut Up. All other religions who weren’t as organized as christians back in the dark ages and before that, they were completely slaughtered. Take druids and wiccans for example both screwed over by more organized religions. The point? I just wanted to say that
if any of u bible bashers have a problem get god to strike methe fuck down fucking hell jesus fucking christ god all mighty piss off you religious fuckers!!!!!!!!!!
and also i agree wiv shut up if god is real let me be smote where i stand ……. no? didnt thinkso suck my balls bible bashers
also the main cause of war and terrorism is religion so if u r religious u r aiding and abeiting terrorism
hahahahaha!that is so funny!
Anyone can laugh at this, Christian or not, because it’s a funny, yet hypothetical situation. You’re not going to hell just for laughing at the joke, get over it people.
See what most people fail to realize is that being a christian you have to be one 24/7 there is no such thing as an off day as a christian and for a pastor to curse is rediculous. He is the man of God and we are the children now if a kid was to read this joke that kid would say its okay for him to curse because the pastor up here did it.And a child of the world (sinner) you don’t see the problem behind it because you don’t know the truth. I went to these jokes to here good clean jokes but instead we get this
Well Mr Bonds, this is in the “Dirty Jokes” category. We have a “Clean Jokes” section as well.
To those who disliked the jokes : You don’t have to be in the naughty jokes sections (like the F&J staff said) also, it is a JOKE–the joke writers are not making their own personal feeings known! Be telling a joke, they are attempting to get people to laugh (and as a Catholic) i found it very very funny, PARTIALLY because there is no way that a pastor would ACTUALLY do that.
On a more pleasant note, the joke was very funny, thank you F&J!!!
Ah I notice the religion section is the most angry section. All these arguments.. Its so fun to read ^^ haha even more entertaining then the jokes
. Lol I maybe the only good spirited person who commented on this joke.. ha.
Hey Im gonna party with SATAN when I go to Hell BBII-ATCH! Haha I just HAD to add that.
Jeeez Peeepz, its only a joke!
HOLY SH*T LOL, RELIGION IS HE MOST R*TARDED THING IN THE WORLD (ESPECIALLY CHRISTIANY) YET PEOPLE STILL BELIEVE THE SH*T. seriously lol…. YOURE WORSHIPPING A GODD*MN JEW!!!!!! jesus was a jew and since he is the son of god…. GOD IS JEWISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
p.s. christianinty was okay back in the olden times when there was no such thing as SCIENCE and people needed an explanation for why they were all here but seriously… 10% OF YOUR PAYCHECK DONATED TO THE CHURCH JUST SO THE POPE CAN BATHE IN MILIONS OF DOLLAR BILLS AND BRIBE THE JUDGES WHENEVER CRISTIANITY IS SUED.
that is all
Anti_christ,
You need to brush up your knowledge a bit. To be a jew, your mother has to be a jew, not the father. maternal descent, which is probably bright, since figuring out the mother is a no brainer. As a christian, the joke is funny and the lack of truly following the faith has indeed been the root of a lot of suffering. all being said, sespect I’ll see you all in fishing in the lake of fire for some sushi
Comeon u guys seriously, its a joke. I go to church all the time and I love it…but that doesn’t mean that this joke is not funny because it is….it reminds me of some churches, right or wrong some churches are like that.
Hilarious….:-D
I love it! the joke is not as good as u guys, but it is still a good one.
Did anyone forget Jesus was (A MAN ), and he did get upset just like us. No one is going to hell for laughing or for getting upset. Go read the bible again, you skipped a few pages. If you should be mad it should be at the churches in this world. Most and I mean most of them take your money and use it for themselves instead of helping those who truely need it. Schools today are doing more for the poor and helpless. So laugh we all can use one. Have a great day!
It was funny. whoever got offended by can go f*uk themselves! Yeah i said it!
I don’t really understand why some people blame religion for terrorism, but the joke is funny
If it offended you i honestly could not care less, dont read the jokes posted in the inapropriate section if your easily offended, its a joke, take it easy, ugh, religion, a big argument about who has the better imaginary friend
man. am i detecting a hint of hostility here? huh, must just be me….
XD 
hey yall lets all chill out- its a joke
Shut up about god you bible-thumping freaks!
derrick 1134, you are a helluva hypocrite
u lay sooo much on god etc etc, you think ur so freaking GREAT and RELIGIOUS and whatever else, but ur very NAME says HELL.
bullsh*t much?
you guys are so lame its unbeleivable!
LOL this joke is hilarious! 1134derrick get a life, you don’t go to hell for laughing at this one. I bet you’re some short nerdy mama’s boy.
Lolz mormon is the way to go peeps, not baptist.
Q: If Jesus Christ was the son of God and also his messenger and was only delivering the teachings that he himself heard/learned from god the why is the religion called CHRISTianity??
P.S: I am not a christian and may be i have my facts wrong. Please feel free to correct me.. But at the same time dont forget to answer my question.
Imo god is imaginary and it’s a joke so why don’t you all just stfu
Good news and bad news. Good news, there ain’t no hell. Bad news, there ain’t no heaven.
christianity has killed more people than war…
just thought I would put that out there so you guys know your god is a murdering son of a bi*ch
Ya like so many other people here, I am a religous person. But hey, guess what, I’m not offended. Really the whole lot of you people just need to calm down, put down the bible, and actually have some fun instead of insulting people for enjoying something.
Oh yeah and for you athieist, same goes for you, but instead of a bible its a very contraversial science book.
wow cant believe people are arguing on the comments instead of commenting on the actual joke
hahaha… this joke is so funny, one time i made alot of ppl swear at me and they were( im so into god) just picture what i can do to a pastor…lol and come on ppl lightin up its hillarious… my mom laugh at this joke too.and she christian…lamO
P.s do not say anything about my mommy….