Stuff Women Really Need To Know About Men
Ok ladies, this is for you. Some of you just don’t know what it’s like to be a man, or know what a man wants. Now, while I admit we’re not as mysterious as women, there’s still some things you need to know. Your man may just be too scared to tell you, so F&J is gonna do it for them. Yep that’s us, standing up for men’s rights everywhere. wOOt.
- If you’re cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
- When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.
- Unless the answer is yes.
- In which case, can he videotape it?
- Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. Seriously.
- Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall. It does something to our manhood.
- Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.
- It is only common courtesy to leave the toilet seat up when you’re done.
- If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
- The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
- Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
- Don’t hog the covers. Really.
- If he has to sit through “Legends of the Fall”, you have to sit through “Showgirls”.
- “Fine.” is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
- Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
- If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to.
- Of course he wants another beer.
- The guy doesn’t always have to sleep on the wet spot.
- Dogs good. Cats bad. Grrrrrrr….
- He does not want to be just friends.
- Do not question a man’s innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
- He was not looking at that other girl.
- Well, okay… maybe a little.
- Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy…
- He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. a) And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
- Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
- If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an orgasm. Ever.
- Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.
- It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.
- Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.
- Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Did I meantion Love it?
- Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
- Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
- He heard you the first time. Honest.
- You know, you can ask him out too… Let’s spread the rejection around a little.
- Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
- Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you’re with.
- Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
- His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
- Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon that…
- A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: “You know, why don’t we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?”
What'd You Think?
(50 votes, average: 3.82 out of 5)
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September 27th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Hilarious, very very funny and some of them are even true
This coming from a man
September 28th, 2007 at 9:04 am
very funny! Thanks for the tips……i think?!
September 28th, 2007 at 10:12 am
So funny and so true on many of them.:)
September 29th, 2007 at 7:06 am
no way!!!!none of that is true,im gonna kill the bastardwho invented this.i swear none of it is true,it is so fake,who ever wrote it needs their head testing either that or they where feeling desperate when they decided to write this.:):):):): ;););)
September 29th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
LOLZZZ A GOOD READ I MUST SAY BUT IL THINK OFF ACTING ON NE OFF THEM..XXXXX
September 30th, 2007 at 11:08 am
that was incredible and really true, like 99% of them. this should be published in Vogue or something, ESPECIALLY #7
October 1st, 2007 at 9:24 am
LOL!!! I believe some of them are really ture if you ask a man.
October 1st, 2007 at 2:19 pm
ROFL…Pretty true, but a little irrational
October 1st, 2007 at 10:58 pm
I think they are right. #7 is right because people dont need good looking guys once that is not really that matters. Mine aint perfect but he is nice.
I also agree with #5 because I HATE shopping my self and I am a girl. Shopping is boring and is for girlier girls than me.
i think Dogs are better then Cats because Dogs are usefull. Cats just go under your window and dont leave you alone all night. Atleast that is my cat.
I also think that anyone can look ant anyone since the eyes and the breains we have are our own.
What “blow job” means I do not know.
There are some things that I would find “inapropriate” but I cant do anything against that. I think these tips would help ever female since we dont know as much about men as they do. But I still think that there should be one about tips for men about women.
October 2nd, 2007 at 9:42 am
Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
does that mean its old and wrinkly…..ugh!
October 3rd, 2007 at 11:06 am
Is this true. If so My man is mad at me haha
October 3rd, 2007 at 6:21 pm
yo jess how old r u n u dnt no wat a blow job is lol. wat r u like 12 suk my dic dats wat it means
October 4th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
im sorry but i would NEVER go down on a gay and i don’t expect him to go down on me either GROSS!!!!!! it’s just wrong
October 6th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
LAMO So true, thankx for reminding me!
October 8th, 2007 at 1:07 am
Sadly, most of these are true! …except tha foot ball thing. My man knows i hate it and he understands
id much rather shop!
October 9th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
maybe we should make one of these about the guys!!!! like when eating out have a strategy don’t just eat it like a pie!
October 10th, 2007 at 7:46 am
hey call me!!!!
703629 6597
October 16th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
lol this is real funny considering alot of it I see is true in my boyfriend! I’m totally guilty of #25 haha.. sorry boyfriend.. but I’m loving you even more! Thanks F&J!
October 16th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
so many are true!!
October 17th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Perfect..grabbed..linked..you the man!
October 17th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
That Jessica at the top can f**k off. there isn’t a word of that that isn’t true. Stupid b***h.
October 18th, 2007 at 4:25 am
lol, very funny.
Jessica: what the heck is wrong with you? it’s simply a bit of humour based on the mind of the stereotypical man (which is actually quite accurate for many men, whether you want to believe it or not. Also, the content is by a man and not particularly insulting, in case it’s sexism you’re against).
mtm: You have some serious problems. If a girl does not know what a blowjob is, it doesn’t mean she is a 12 year old girl who you should attempt to sexually abuse over the internet. It simply means she hasn’t given one (and there’s no reason why she should have) and that she doesn’t have a sick mind or learnt from someone with a sick mind.
Bill: Try to be a little less offensive.
October 21st, 2007 at 8:47 am
I agree with Mitchell. It’s just a joke!! God you stupid commenters just take things and blow them WAY out of preportion. You are worse than the media! Jessica, you really have to understand that there will be some things in this world that you will disagree with. It doesn’t mean that you have to act as if someone had just headbutted your kitten. This coming from a 15 year old. Even I don’t lose my head when I see something I don;t like. I just go stand in the corner and kick my cat… :/ Nice list by the way lol.
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:21 am
im not sure…. it sure looks lik men has a way and we dnt.. but bliv me, my bf is coool… we understnd each other better. well, he likes shoppin… both for mine and his stuff… thts fun…y is it tht men dnt kno women ????
but ur articles ok….
October 22nd, 2007 at 8:52 am
Sorry, what’s wrong with “going down” on people….
It’s a perfectly normal sexual act. Not everyone likes it, but it is an important part of most sexual relationships.
October 22nd, 2007 at 6:01 pm
I’m going to have to sit my girlfriend down and make her read this. So true…
October 22nd, 2007 at 7:28 pm
A blowjob is giving oral sex to a male. Ie putting a penis in your mouth.
October 24th, 2007 at 8:16 am
How quickly something funny can go so wrong when interpreted by jackasses
October 24th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Girls, learn these points. Particularly 3-7 along with 12, 14, 20, 22, 24 and 31
October 28th, 2007 at 7:50 am
I don’t like football. The rest is right on
October 30th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
this blows fat balls
October 30th, 2007 at 11:20 pm
he he he this is kinda funny, and i must say i agree entirely, though who does some of that!? number 25 I’m talking to you eww! >.
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:13 am
erica you really need to see mine not old and wringly at all its rather upstanding if you know what i mean.
November 2nd, 2007 at 6:23 pm
HAHA! That was great..and possibly true..but I’m not a man so i wouldn’t know :p. I think I’ll try to see what happens if I start a date with the sentence: “You know, why don’t we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?” Ha!
November 5th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
lol owned
November 8th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
soo tru… but just a side not… all of u commentin on other ppl’s comments. Do u really think they r comin bak to read the foolishness ur writing?? think abt out.
Good article tho
November 9th, 2007 at 1:35 am
This is so true everything good job.
anyone who thinks different is soft gay (homosexual-not to be confused with hard gay the opposite of homophobics)or a virgin female.
November 9th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
So funny, but soo true.
November 9th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
haha totally true! evry 1!!
November 11th, 2007 at 1:11 am
Very insightful comments. And anyone who reacts to this and says “No! it’s not true or funny it’s just wrong and gross” doesn’t have a clue.
November 11th, 2007 at 2:03 am
I disagree with #18. I really liked this guy and I asked him on a date.
The week after the date, he came up to me and told me he just wanted to be friends.
I told my friend about this and he just said, “Well, ya got lucky.”
What he really means is unlucky. I mean, c’mon.
November 15th, 2007 at 5:04 am
10. Dont hog the covers. Really.
…REALLY. Dont.
This is awesome. And yeah 90% of em are quite true..
November 15th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
This is just a list of terrible stereotypes that the media and society has promoted on several levels to control the population. If you are a man and honestly believe this about yourself, stop and think about yourself. Might you have been influenced? Are these things really true about you? If you are a women, do you really think you should accept these things about your partner? Are these things positive? By the way you can be male and still be sexist against males. These are very sexist statements because they are reinforcing negative stereotypes about both men and women. The key to a successful relationship is compatablity, truth and communication.
If this post is deleted, society is in a worse state than I thought.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:01 am
Dont feed the trolls..
November 16th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
hmmmmmmmmm
November 17th, 2007 at 6:27 am
look women. all of these are true. get used to it. ok so one or two maybe differant for you but you dont speak for all woman. this covers 95% of woman. your just special.
MEN RULE!
December 14th, 2007 at 10:14 am
hey…. i come back and look at stupid peoples comments! But then again it’s just because this clas is freakn gay and there’s nothing better 2 do and sometimes the comments are better than the jokes! Well dms….if you have nothing better 2 do than re read comments like me then NO! I really don’t care how great urs is! Get a gf and you can show her! LOL!
April 21st, 2008 at 1:42 pm
like omg peeps dont get mad and say its sexist crap. cause its not, its just for fun~ gah, its just something 2 laugh about!!! and btw i sooo laughed!!!
hahahahahahahaha #4 is my fav.