Some Random Puns


Pretty bored so I’ve decided to go through some of the silly puns I have lying around my desk. Hmm, let’s see… A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a beer, and a mop.” Doh! That sucks. No wait, here are some better ones…

  • A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: “I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?”
  • Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
  • There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
  • When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”
  • I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
  • A guy walks into the psychiatrist’s office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, “I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
  • I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. (Bada Bing!)
  • My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
  • Show me where Stalin’s buried and I’ll show you a communist plot.
  • At a hearing aid center: “Let us give you some sound advice.”
  • A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?” asks the neutron. “For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge”.
  • Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says “Oi - get out! We don’t want your type in here”
  • My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy.
  • Did you hear about the constipated composer? He couldn’t finish the last movement.
  • Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
  • How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
  • I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
  • I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
  • I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
  • If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
  • I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.

What'd You Think?

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27 Responses to “Some Random Puns”

  1. Gem Says:

    OMG!!!! those are terrible!! Seriously, what were you thinking

  2. F&J Staff Says:

    Yea, it does suck. Or, blows. Whatever : /

  3. Yo mama Says:

    Best jokes ever..if you can get them

  4. Pinkey Says:

    OhMyGoD!!!!ThOsE WeRe ReTaRdEd!!!!!1

  5. QuAiLy Says:

    if shakespeare is so great, why is he dead?

  6. Jazz Says:

    that was lame sorry…..

  7. QualityReporter Says:

    eh…no. horrible!

  8. me Says:

    orrhhhhh life, they were crap!!!

  9. me Says:

    orhhhh life, they were crap!!

  10. j.white Says:

    my english tutor can make better!

  11. [krazy] Says:

    sucky they seriously have to be the worst jokes ever

  12. hannah-babyee Says:

    umm not the best some were ok.. but you can do better

  13. Anton Says:

    You guys are crazy. those jokes are hella funny. It’s like watching an old horror movie. so stupid, and yet, so funny.

  14. CRAZY Says:

    ew! no sorry buddy but those were horrible!!!!
    i got a joke for u : ur jokes suck so bad they suck!!!!!!
    HA HA HA !!!!!!!!
    MU HA HA HA!!!!

  15. Bee-otch Says:

    Everyone who says those are crap is stupid! They’re only not funny if you don’t get them. That’s the beauty of puns- they require some intelligence. I think they were incredible. Some of them were kind of stupid, but stupid jokes are the best kind of jokes!

  16. Jenny Says:

    I love how corny these are. Thats what makes them so great.

  17. JaDe Says:

    stupid jokes are the best ones!! Thats what makes them funny!!!duh…

    ye so KOOWLY!!!!well dun lol

  18. jen Says:

    some were good but most stunk

  19. Evan Says:

    i didnt get the second to last one but other then that i thought they were good ;)

  20. pircne jhon Says:

    tihs is a bnuch of jeoks maent olny for gyus who tnihk fsat and raed qicuk wtih out too mcuh of wrroies the odrer and tehy are celan jkoes.

  21. Peter from Spikedhumor Says:

    This site is crap.

    CLOSE IT DOWN!!!

  22. Crys Says:

    am i the only one who laughed at these????

  23. F&J Staff Says:

    Probably Crys. Eh.

  24. virginity loser Says:

    some were pretty sound. but some stupid. i got a joke but some of you may not get it coz u is braindead but those hu arent morons:

    “what is the crulest thing you can do to anyone who has every difficulty and every disease and fear?”

    answer:” anything whatever you do is cruel!”

  25. coin_slot Says:

    you can do better’i believe in you

  26. coin_slot Says:

    hey person who lost their virginity stfu just don’t talk

  27. Black Mamba TruAfrican Says:

    Prince John, you are funnier than the jokes! My ribs cracked at your comment, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha jha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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