Some Random Puns
Pretty bored so I’ve decided to go through some of the silly puns I have lying around my desk. Hmm, let’s see… A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a beer, and a mop.” Doh! That sucks. No wait, here are some better ones…
- A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: “I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?”
- Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
- There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
- When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”
- I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
- A guy walks into the psychiatrist’s office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, “I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
- I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. (Bada Bing!)
- My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
- Show me where Stalin’s buried and I’ll show you a communist plot.
- At a hearing aid center: “Let us give you some sound advice.”
- A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?” asks the neutron. “For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge”.
- Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says “Oi - get out! We don’t want your type in here”
- My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy.
- Did you hear about the constipated composer? He couldn’t finish the last movement.
- Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
- How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
- I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
- I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
- I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
- If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
- I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.
What'd You Think?
(35 votes, average: 3.31 out of 5)
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October 24th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
OMG!!!! those are terrible!! Seriously, what were you thinking
October 24th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Yea, it does suck. Or, blows. Whatever : /
October 24th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Best jokes ever..if you can get them
October 24th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
OhMyGoD!!!!ThOsE WeRe ReTaRdEd!!!!!1
October 25th, 2007 at 3:24 am
if shakespeare is so great, why is he dead?
October 25th, 2007 at 6:15 am
that was lame sorry…..
October 27th, 2007 at 11:39 am
eh…no. horrible!
October 30th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
orrhhhhh life, they were crap!!!
October 30th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
orhhhh life, they were crap!!
November 2nd, 2007 at 11:08 am
my english tutor can make better!
November 3rd, 2007 at 3:31 am
sucky they seriously have to be the worst jokes ever
November 5th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
umm not the best some were ok.. but you can do better
November 6th, 2007 at 2:00 am
You guys are crazy. those jokes are hella funny. It’s like watching an old horror movie. so stupid, and yet, so funny.
November 13th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
ew! no sorry buddy but those were horrible!!!!
i got a joke for u : ur jokes suck so bad they suck!!!!!!
HA HA HA !!!!!!!!
MU HA HA HA!!!!
November 18th, 2007 at 1:47 am
Everyone who says those are crap is stupid! They’re only not funny if you don’t get them. That’s the beauty of puns- they require some intelligence. I think they were incredible. Some of them were kind of stupid, but stupid jokes are the best kind of jokes!
November 19th, 2007 at 2:38 am
I love how corny these are. Thats what makes them so great.
November 22nd, 2007 at 7:36 pm
stupid jokes are the best ones!! Thats what makes them funny!!!duh…
ye so KOOWLY!!!!well dun lol
November 25th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
some were good but most stunk
December 5th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
i didnt get the second to last one but other then that i thought they were good
January 11th, 2008 at 6:07 am
tihs is a bnuch of jeoks maent olny for gyus who tnihk fsat and raed qicuk wtih out too mcuh of wrroies the odrer and tehy are celan jkoes.
January 13th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
This site is crap.
CLOSE IT DOWN!!!
January 16th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
am i the only one who laughed at these????
January 17th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Probably Crys. Eh.
January 23rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
some were pretty sound. but some stupid. i got a joke but some of you may not get it coz u is braindead but those hu arent morons:
“what is the crulest thing you can do to anyone who has every difficulty and every disease and fear?”
answer:” anything whatever you do is cruel!”
March 30th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
you can do better’i believe in you
March 30th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
hey person who lost their virginity stfu just don’t talk
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:41 am
Prince John, you are funnier than the jokes! My ribs cracked at your comment, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha jha ha ha ha ha ha ha