SMS Jokes
Ahh, SMS… the little Short Message Service we can’t live without. Text messages, you know… kind of like twitter but on your phone. Who else sends more than 10 of these a day? I’ve got a friend that averages 1 SMS sent/received every 35 seconds according to his last bill. Crazy. Well, at any rate, here are some popular SMS jokes to help you waste everybody’s time and annoy your friends.
Top 20 ‘Funny’ SMS Text Messages
- The longest sentence known to man: “I do.”
- I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled like.
- Crime doesn’t pay… Does that mean my job is a crime?
- This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
- Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
- I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
- Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
- What’s the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
- I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
- When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
- Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
- Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
- Never forget that you’re unique, just like everyone else.
- I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.
- What do u call dog with no legs? Don’t matter wot u call him, he ain’t gonna come.
- I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
- Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?
- Born Free… Taxed to Death.
- We will now upgrade your brain, please wait… searching… searching… still searching… sorry NO BRAIN found.
Ok, these are more of a cross between old Confucius sayings and one-liner jokes… but then again I suppose that’s what it’s all about. Feel free to add your own favorites in the comments.
What'd You Think?
(190 votes, average: 3.61 out of 5)
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“SMS jokes”? o_O
you suck
hiiiiiiiii howz u………
lol idiotic!%&*??
Oh..Err.Hahaha that so soo…lame!
Wow, way to rip off George Carlin Jokes…fail much?
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
funny
THESE JOKES SUCK!!!!!!!!!
what do u call dog with no legs? dont matter wot u call him,he aint gonna come
what do u call dog with no legs? don,t matter wot u call him,he wont come
very very very
funny ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha
Wow these jokes are madd wack n whoever is like haha better be being sarcastic cuz its not dat serious lol.
yal gay. i stuck it in her butt and she cried….
Chode, your are so retarded. freakin pervert. those jokes were funny you problably just typed something perverted
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM, THat was funny
awesomeer that watching grass grow
Ya cat so dumb it lands on its back<–lmao,
Yo mama s dirty she brought krabs to dah beach<–lmao,
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in the supermarket && starved<–funny much:)
Yo mama so dumb she put lipstick on her head tawkin bout she tryna make up her mind<–lmao,
Yall jokes are far from funny,
Ya suckk!
This is so funny sorta kinda
Hillbilly couple are walking out of the divorce court. The wife is crying her heart out. Husband says: “For fuck sake stop crying… You’re still my sister!”
hahahahhaha!
What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
Cuatro Cinco
—–
Why cant mexicans play uno?
Because they always steal the green card
—–
Why can’t mexicans be firemen?
They can’t tell the difference between jose and hose b
—–
How do you stop a Mexican tank?
Shoot the guy pushing it.
—–
Why are Mexicans so short?
They all live in basement apartments.
—–
How Do You Starve A Mexican?
Put Their Food Stamps In Their Work Boots.
—–
What do you call 100 mexicans working on a roof?
Chingos
—–
Juan,carlos,and antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. who wins?
Society.
—–
What do you call mexican basketball?
Juan on Juan.
—–
Did you hear about the winner of the mexican beauty contest?
Me neither.
—–
What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopuss?
I don’t know but it could pick lettuce good.
—–
Why don’t mexicans bbq?
The beans fall through the little holes.
—–
What are the first 3 words in every mexican cookbook?
steal a chicken
—–
Did you hear about that one mexican that went to college?
yeah.. me neither
—–
how do you stop a mexican from robbing your house?
put up a help-wanted sign
—–
What’s the difference between a bench and a Mexican?
A bench can support a family (sorry, that one is really mean)
—–
What is it when a Mexican is taking a shower?
A miracle.
—–
What do you call a pool with a mexican in it?
Bean Dip.
—–
What do Mexicans pick in the off season?
Their nose.
—–
A bunch of Mexicans are running down a hill, what is going on?
Jail Break.
—–
What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW?
Grand Theft Auto.
—–
Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
Any Mexican that can run jump or swim is in the US!
—–
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Mexico?
He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin. (burn)
—–
Why do Mexicans drive low riders?
They are too short to get into any other type of car.
—–
What is the greatest Mexican invention?
A solar powered flash light.
—–
Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans?
Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?
—–
What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike?
Chase after him, it’s probably yours!
—-
Why are Mexicans so short?
When they’re young, their parents say, “When you get bigger you have to get a good job.”
—-
What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower?
Unemployed.
—-
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Doesn’t matter, they’re to short to reach the socket.
—-
How do you get 50 Mexicans is a phone booth?
Throw food stamps in it.
________________________________________________________________
You Know You Are a Mexican When…
You share the same social security number with all your amigos
Your last name is Gonzalez-Rodriguez-Jesus
You smell like BO all the time
You don’t know what BO is
You have at least thirty cousins
You can’t imagine anyone not liking spicy food
There is at least one member in your family name Maria, Guadalupe, Juan, Jose, or Jesus
You run and hide when you see the border patrol
You see a fence and want to hop over it
You have crooked teeth
You are too short to go on rides in disney land
You mow lawns for a living
You’re the best bean picker in your neighborhood
You fart more than you breath
Others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking
You use your lips to point something out
Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if it’s a one bedroom apartment
You have at least thirty cousins
You can’t imagine anyone not liking spicy food
You are in a 5-passenger car with 8 people in it
There is more Tequila than punch at little Juanito’s birthday party
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
Your Junior/Senior prom had a daycare.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it
________________________________________________________________
Why Dont You Throw A Rock At A Mexican On A Bike? Because Its Probably Your Bike.
Why Do Mexicans Buy Cabbage Patch Dolls? Because They Come With Birth Certificates.
What Do A Mexican And A Sperm Have In Common? Only One Out Of A Million Work.
How Do You Wink At A Mexican? (hold Your Hands Like Your Holding A Shotgun And Shut One Eye.)
What Do You Call 10 Mexicans In A Truck? One Short Of Full.
Why Did The Mexican Cross The Road? To Get From Abco To The Orange Groves.
Why Did The Mexicans Have To Move Out Of The House? Because They Couldn’t Figure Out How To Flush The Pool.
What Do A Mexican And A Skunk Have In Common? There Both Black And White And They Both Smell.
Why Dont Mexicans Have Any Olympic Teams? Because All The Mexicans Who Can Run, Jump, And Swim Are Over Here.
There’s A Deer And A Mexican Lying Dead In The Road, Whats The Difference? There Is Skid Marks In Front Of The Deer.
Why Did The Black Man Marry A Mexican? So His Kids Would Be To Lazy To Steal.
What Do You Do When You See A Mexican Riding A Bike? Steal It Back.
Why Dont Mexicans Have Checking Acounts? Its Too Hard To Spray Paint Your Name On The Little Line.
What Do You Get When You Cross A Mexican And A Dumb Blonde? A Kid Who Spraypaints His Name On A Chain Link Fence.
How Do You Starve A Mexican? Hide Their Food Stamps Under Their Work Boots.
A Mexican And A Black Person Both Fall Off A Building, Who Hits First? Who Cares.
How Come There Are No Pools In Mexico? Because All The Mexicans Who Can Swim Are Over Here.
Why Wasn’t Christ Born In Mexico? Because They Couldn’t Find Three Wise Men And A Virgin.
Why Is There So Little Great Mexican Literature? Spray Paint Wasn’t Invented Until 1950.
Why Is The Average Age Of The Mexican Army 40? Because They Take ‘em Right Out Of Highschool.
Why Don’t Mexicans Play Hide And Seek? Because No One Will Look For Them.
Why Do Mexicans Make Great Astronauts? Because They Take Up Space In School.
What Do You Call A Mexican With A Fur Coat? A Pipe Cleaner.
What Are The Three Most Difficult Years In A Mexicans Life? Second Grade.
How Does Every Mexican Joke Start? The Teller Looks Over Both His Shoulders.
How Do You Save A Mexican From Drowning? Take Your Foot Off His Head.
What Is The Best Boxing A Mexican Does? Oranges.
How Do You Get A Mexican Out Of A Bath Tub? Throw In A Bar Of Soap.
What Do A Mexican And An Oreo Have In Common? They Are Both Black And White And Come In Packs Of 40.
Why Do Mexican Cars Have Such Small Steering Wheels? So They Can Drive With Handcuffs On.
Why Are Scientists Breeding Mexicans Instead Of Rats For Science Expirements? Because They Breed Faster And You Don’t Get As Attatched To Them.
Did You Hear About The Two Mexicans On “thats Incredible”? One Had Auto Insurance And The Other Was An Only Child.
How Do You Give A Mexican A Concusion? Smash His Head With The Toilet Seat While He’s Drinking.
What Do You Call Four Mexicans Drowning? Quatro Sinco.
Why Did They Cancel Sex Ed And Drivers Ed In Mexico? The Donkey Died.
What Do A Mexican And A Cue Ball Have In Common? The Harder You Hit ‘em The More English You Get Out Of Them.
What Do You Say To A Mexican In A Three- Piece Suit? Will The Defendent Please Rise.
What Do You Call A Mexican Sky Diver? Instant Air Pollution.
What Did The Mexican Do With His First 50 Cent Piece? He Married Her.
What Do You Call A Taco With A Foodstamp Inside It? A Mexican Fortune Cookie.
What Do You Call A Mexican Without A Lawnmower? Unemployed.
What Do You Call A Building Full Of Mexicans? Jail.
dats a little rasits ese
that was kinda mean
Long enuf comment?
kinda funny really racist
Sir,
I would like to tell you this from the bottom of my heart that your Mexican jokes are very inappropriate. You must have been raise by family of jack-asses. Wait no the jack-asses have more brains than you do.
chode, ur really mean and perverted!! and how old r u about 2 and u talk like that already?? I m 87 and never in my life said something like that!
chode how old r u, perve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol i like #4 xD
haha holy shit chino xD that was too funny xD
dfsa
gayyyyyyyyyyyy
Chino> mean. Jox ar jox bt that was absolutely racist bruv. Get sortd.
chino, chino, chino. totally innappropriate. racist too. i’m dissappointed in you and anyone who thought that was funny. i have a mexican friend who comes here a lot. let’s just see his comment (he speaks pretty good english) when he sees that.
wow….that’s was messed up. you can’t sterotype one race. wow, they need to take that comment off.
Men ur effort is gud maybe ur mexico brought up
how do stop a mexican from drowning ??
u dont lol
uhm..chino??..are you a Mexican proud of your jokes or simply a Racist Bastard???…just leave the Mexicans alone okeii??..PS. YOUR JOKES SUCK BIG F**KING TIME….
look Mexicans have their silly attitude but then not all so js mine ur own business and stop criticize. before u criticize an ethnic group…check ur family tree. Oh and its thanks to the hard work of the mexicans and latinos that you eat in the states cz americans are lazy…
two peanuts were walking down the street. one was assaulted
a magician was driving down the street and turned into a driveway
mwuahaha!!! lol if you dont get them…read them out loud lol
ok i dont care what anyone says about chino’s jokes. i’m a cuban american in the Marines so i have a pretty level head and i couldnt help but laugh at most of his jokes. if you cant laugh at yourself then your pretty sad. Nice jokes chino.
looooooool lighten up people, this world has become soooo incorrectly politically correct. have a good laugh, even at yourselves. I would
}:-( Whats with the mexican jokes! here have a stupid joke on me
i need a life. 
what do u call a sheep with no head?
a cloud!