Short Lawyer Jokes

So how about a few short lawyer jokes? These are some of my favorites, but it’s always so hard to find any halfway decent that hasn’t been told 100 times already. So here’s to hoping for the best…
Lawyer Shark Joke

Where Do Lawyers Come From?

An anxious 15 year old girl comes home from school, as any other day, though today she has a burning question. Mom, she asks tentatively, can you get pregnant from anal sex? “Don’t be silly sweetheart, of course you can.” replies her mother, “Where do you think lawyers come from?”

Question and Answer Lawyer Jokes

Q:What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 50,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Take your foot off it’s head.

Q: What’s the difference between a Catfish and a lawyer?
A: One is a scum sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.

Divorce Lawyers After Work

Two highly successful (female) divorce lawyers were having a few drinks at a bar when a young, incredibly handsome man walked past. Squirming in her chair, one of the ladies blurted out “I’d sure like to screw him!” To which the other replied “Out of what?”


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