Redneck Computer Jargon

“Hard drive” — Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

“Keyboard” — 1. Place to hang your truck keys. OR Whare you’re supposed to put da keys so da wife can find ‘em. (from NetDummy Humor)

“Window” — Place in the truck to hang your guns.

“Floppy” — When you run out of Polygrip.

“Modem” — 1. How you got rid of your dandelions. OR What you did to da hay fields last July.

“ROM” — Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

“Byte” — First word in a kiss-off phrase.

“Reboot” — What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

“Network” — Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.

“Mouse” — 1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case. OR What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.

“LAN” — To borrow as in, “Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.”

“Cursor” — What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

“Bit” — A wager as in, “I bit you can’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.”

“Digital Control” — What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

“Packet” — What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

“Tab” — The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.

“Space bar” — Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.

“Backspace” — The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.

“Alt” — Form of verb “be” like, “I alt be gone now.”

“Delete” — The lighter object like, “Don’t gimmy the heavy one, gimmy the delete one.”

“My Briefcase” — What you put all your ol’ stuff in when “she” gets mad at you.

“Shift” — What you must do when blue lights come on.

“Disc” — What you do before you plow, to level the ground.

“Ram” — 1. Dodge pick up truck. OR Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work. (from NetDummy Humor)

“Rom” — Wander: “Wher’ ya goin?” “Ah dunnow. Recon I’ll jus rom round”

“Refresh” — Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.

“Browser” — Bowser’s name when you’re drunk.

“Web” — DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.

“Edit” — Past tense of “eat” “Wher’d that leftover possum belly go?” ” You edit afore you passed out las nite.

“Gig” — Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.

“Internet” — Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).

“Buddy list” — Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.

“Tab” — Anceint soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.

“Computer Chips” — What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.

The following were contributed by Jeremy (The Yankee Redneck).

“Shift” — What you do to get that truck to go.

“Ins” — To Enter, as in, “Ins ya go, outs you go”.

The following were contributed by Sonovabic.

“Scanner” — 1. What you do to a good lookin’ woman. OR What you listen to the police band on.

“Log On” — Making da wood stove hotter.

“Log Off ” — Don’t add wood.

“Monitor” — 1. Keep an eye on da wood stove. OR What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin.

“Megahertz” — When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.

“Floppy Disk” — What you get from piling too much wood.

“Drive” — Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.

“Prompt” — What you wish da mail was during the snow season.

“Enter” — Come on in.

“Windows” — What you shut when it gets 10 below.

“Screen” — What is a must during black fly season.

“Chip” — What you munch during Wildcat’s games.

“Microchip” — What’s left in da bag when da chips are gone.

“Dot Matrix” — Eino Matrix’s wife.

“Laptop” — Where da grandkids sit.

“Software” — Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?.

“Mainframe” — Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.

“Port” — Where da commercial fishin boats dock.

“Random Access Memory” — Whan you can’t remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it.

“Fonts” — That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.

This is from BeauRulz97.

“Laptop” — Where the stripper sits.

This is from Cmbees.

“ISDN” — Acronym for comprehension as in “ISDN tat da fuse ought to be longer nexted time”.

“Backspace” — How much more you can fit in the truck.

“Num Lock” — What you have to take off a pistol to shoot it.

“Ctrl” — What you don’t have when driving in the snow.

“Escape” — What you have to do from the wife to go drinkin’ with the boys.

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