Redneck Computer Jargon
"Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" -- 1. Place to hang your truck keys. OR Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em. (from NetDummy Humor)
"Window" -- Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" -- When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" -- 1. How you got rid of your dandelions. OR What you did to da hay fields last July.
"ROM" -- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" -- First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" -- What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" -- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" -- 1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case. OR What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.
"LAN" -- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" -- What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"Bit" -- A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"Digital Control" -- What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"Packet" -- What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
"Tab" -- The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.
"Space bar" -- Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.
"Backspace" -- The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.
"Alt" -- Form of verb "be" like, "I alt be gone now."
"Delete" -- The lighter object like, "Don't gimmy the heavy one, gimmy the delete one."
"My Briefcase" -- What you put all your ol' stuff in when "she" gets mad at you.
"Shift" -- What you must do when blue lights come on.
"Disc" -- What you do before you plow, to level the ground.
"Ram" -- 1. Dodge pick up truck. OR Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work. (from NetDummy Humor)
"Rom" -- Wander: "Wher' ya goin?" "Ah dunnow. Recon I'll jus rom round"
"Refresh" -- Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.
"Browser" -- Bowser's name when you're drunk.
"Web" -- DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.
"Edit" -- Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite.
"Gig" -- Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.
"Internet" -- Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).
"Buddy list" -- Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.
"Tab" -- Anceint soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.
"Computer Chips" -- What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.
The following were contributed by Jeremy (The Yankee Redneck).
"Shift" -- What you do to get that truck to go.
"Ins" -- To Enter, as in, "Ins ya go, outs you go".
The following were contributed by Sonovabic.
"Scanner" -- 1. What you do to a good lookin' woman. OR What you listen to the police band on.
"Log On" -- Making da wood stove hotter.
"Log Off " -- Don't add wood.
"Monitor" -- 1. Keep an eye on da wood stove. OR What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin.
"Megahertz" -- When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.
"Floppy Disk" -- What you get from piling too much wood.
"Drive" -- Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.
"Prompt" -- What you wish da mail was during the snow season.
"Enter" -- Come on in.
"Windows" -- What you shut when it gets 10 below.
"Screen" -- What is a must during black fly season.
"Chip" -- What you munch during Wildcat's games.
"Microchip" -- What's left in da bag when da chips are gone.
"Dot Matrix" -- Eino Matrix's wife.
"Laptop" -- Where da grandkids sit.
"Software" -- Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?.
"Mainframe" -- Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.
"Port" -- Where da commercial fishin boats dock.
"Random Access Memory" -- Whan you can't remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it.
"Fonts" -- That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.
This is from BeauRulz97.
"Laptop" -- Where the stripper sits.
This is from Cmbees.
"ISDN" -- Acronym for comprehension as in "ISDN tat da fuse ought to be longer nexted time".
"Backspace" -- How much more you can fit in the truck.
"Num Lock" -- What you have to take off a pistol to shoot it.
"Ctrl" -- What you don't have when driving in the snow.
"Escape" -- What you have to do from the wife to go drinkin' with the boys.
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