Pooping At Work Survival Guide
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2007 Survival Guide for taking a dump [...]
(51 votes, average: 4.45 out of 5)
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Pooping At Work Survival Guide
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(51 votes, average: 4.45 out of 5) Loading ...
hahaha…thats funny
thats the funniest shit ive ever read
Here’s one.
Friendly Neighbor
The guy who takes the stall next to you even if every other stall is free.
I think after recent developments the astaire should no longer be used
Good stuff. At my first job when I was like 16 a good friend/co-worker who was about 40 suggested to me that I defunk the room by proforming the Curtisy flush. That same stupid fuck sprayed deoderant in his hair thinking it was hair spray. Don’t do drungs kids, just smoke weed and you’ll be fine.
It all sounds so anal but(t) true
Lucy sent me here, and boy was she right, this is way too funny!!!!!
Oh my GOODNESS! My sides hurt so bad, I know these people and may have done a camo or astaire or two previously… LOL
Laughed so hard I spotted!
A few more:
Loud Mouth Larry – The guy who takes the stall next to you and then starts talking to you. Very uncomfortable. Usually a co-worker and an Out of Closet Pooper. His intent is to get you to come out of the closet too. He’s usually a sneaker peeker (see below).
Shower Pack – A small pack of moist wipes to insure you leave the room as clean as you were after your morning shower.
Fast, Proud, and Loud – The guy who comes in with no inhibitions, drops it loud and proud, and has no worries about the sounds or smells he makes, regardless of who else is in there. Usually your boss. It’s a sign of how high up the ladder you are.
Sneaker Peeker – Checking just enough under the stall to see the shoes of the guy who just sat down next to you. Helps determine if its a co-worker or just a stranger. Helps determine if you can go loud and proud or if you need some comando tactics. You must become familiar with the footwear of all your co-workers, especially the boss.
Taken Hostage – You’re all alone, just ready to go, and then the boss comes in and takes the stall next to you. You have to hold it in and can’t make a move or a noise until he leaves. If he makes noises and smells you must move your feet as far away as possible from the divider in case he does a Sneaker Peeker and realizes he just embarrassed himself in front of a peon. You are hostage until he leaves.
No Hander – Not technically pooping, but still relevant. Going to the bathroom without touching anything besides your zipper. Guys do this about 70% of the time. Open the door with your foot, stand at the pot, unzip, shake your pants to get it out, use leverage on your pants to keep the aim strait and to do the shake off, and use a hand wipe (or your shirt) to open the door. This is done to not have to wash your hands, yet still feel 100% clean. Guys will eat Cheetos on the way back to their desk and lick their fingers clean after a No Hander.
Time Bomb – Happens when the dump is delayed due to office activities and when arriving at the bathroom you notice that all stalls are taken. At that moment the clock is ticking towards an unfortunate outcome. Emergency Plan can prevent detonation.
Emergency Plan – Always know the location of a secondary bathroom in case of a time bomb. The law of averages indicates that the Emergency Plan will succeed.
Omg! these made me LOL so much…
hahaha someone reply to me!!
lol . thankds these will come in handy
Dude! U all are crazy:D!!!!!
Here’s one:
The Hot Tamale- when your poop actually burns on the way out causing severe unpleasantness and constant squirming. Your only saving grace is to allow the poop to shoot out at such velocity that the water from the splash shoots up and cools your burning buns off. This is also known as a watermelon, to mask this try performing an astaire or camo-cough.