Newfangled Diagnosis Machine
One day, John's tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor's office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but, first he'd have to give a urine sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.
"So that tennis elbow is really acting up, huh?" the doctor said.
"The nurse must have told you," said John, wondering how the Doctor knew.
"No. It was in your urinalysis." and the doctor continued to say that he had just purchased this new machine that could diagnose every physical condition with total accuracy based on the urine contents. John didn't believe a word of this but he did agree to provide another urine sample on check-up visit.
Two days later, John was sitting at the kitchen table with his wife and his teenage daughter. He was telling them about this ridiculous machine when he had an idea. John decided to have a little fun with the doctor and pissed in the bottle as did his wife and teenage daughter. Then while walking to his garage he had yet another brainstorm. John put a few drops of oil from his crankcase in the jar and even beat off and put a few drops of semen in the jar. He drove to the doctors office, shook the bottle, then handed it to the nurse. This time his urinalysis took half an hour. Finally, John was ushered in to see the doctor.
The doctor looked at him with an agitated look in his face and said, "I've got some bad news. Your daughter is pregnant, your wife's got V. D., your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don't stop beating off that tennis elbow is never gonna heal!"
What'd You Think?
(137 votes, average: 4.48 out of 5)
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Thats freakin hilarious
that was so frickin funny
i laugh and laugh and laugh ’till my daughter saw me and said:” did mom hit you again with that frying pan? you are cryin.”
that is such a played out joke its not even funny it sucked
that was pretty good. too bad he won’t beable to jackoff any more lol
ive heard tht before
but still funny =]
i dont get it
i mean i dont get the last part about his elbow
that is a freakin’ awesome joke, i’m still laughin
last part about elbow means he shouldn’t use arm(elbow is part of arm) to beat off.
Lol nice 1
XD
I lol’d
It was alright… The teenage daughter was pregnant. =) Good for her maybe he will be smart and find out more stuff from the doctor.
I’ve seen this joke in different versions elsewhere. Funny the first time you hear it though.
lol
LOL
Funny but the other version I heard was better..
The guy gets the samples from his wife, daughter, dog, and jerks off in it.
The result comes back as:
Your daughter’s on drugs, get her in rehab.
Your wife’s pregnant with twins… They aren’t yours, get a lawyer.
Your dog has worms, take him to the vet.
And if you don’t stop jerking off, your arm will never get better…
I have seen another version of this joke that was funnier
that was a punchline i don’t think anyone would have expected!
Haha, hilarious
ha ha ha ha… the machine knows everything..
pretty good.