More “You Might Be A Redneck If…” Jokes

You Might Be a Redneck IF…

. . there are four pairs of pants and two squirrels hanging from your clothesline.

. . . your local newspaper has a front-page feature called “Cow of the Week.”

. . . you don’t need a clean shirt to go to work.

. . . you bum a dip from your mother.

. . . you have the entire WWF slurpie cup collection proudly displayed on a shelf in your trailer.

. . . your favorite mixed drink includes Yoo-Hoo.

. . . you think “Hooked on Phonics” is a fishing show.

. . . you’ve ever attended a dance at the bus station.

. . . your guest bedroom is also your tool shed.

. . . you spend three days in line for Reba tickets.

. . . you can’t keep your cats out of your car at night because the interior smells like fried chicken.

. . . you think French onion dip is an exotic tobacco product.

. . . you drive more than thirty miles to save money on a pack of cigarettes.

. . . you spend most of your time in the laundromat so you can watch TV.

. . . grass is growing in the floor boards of your car.

. . . the highlight of your day is finding the prize in a Cracker Jack box.

. . . the auto junkyard calls you to get spare parts.

. . . you own a flamingo with buckshot holes in it.

. . . your third-grade class has a no-smoking section.

. . . your wife left you for last year’s winner of the hog-calling contest.

. . . everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.

. . . you’ve ever accepted an invitation written on a bathroom wall.

. . . making beer is a neighborhood project.

. . . you clean your fingernails with a stick.

. . . you’ve ever gotten in fist fight in a laundromat over a dryer.

. . . there is a restraining order on your pets.

. . . you secretly get your firewood from your neighbor’s yard.

. . . you wipe your feet before you walk out of your house.

. . . your 5-year-old can rebuild a carburetor.

. . . your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

. . . you take a nap with at least one hand tucked inside your pants.

. . . your best jacket has an advertisement on the back of it.

. . . your car insurance deductible is higher than the value of your car.

. . . in preparation for your upcoming wedding, your register your Tupperware pattern.

. . . you are famous for your impression of a dog choking on a chicken bone.

. . . you consider tattooing a do-it-yourself job.

. . . one of your fantasies involves a bulldozer.

. . . your wife’s best shoes have steel toes.

. . . your picture is on the wall of more than three bait stores.

. . . your favorite NASCAR souvenir is the result of a wreck.

. . you time your belches to achieve a personal best.

. . . your new job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.

. . . the fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.

. . . your favorite restaurant has the word “eats” anywhere in the name.

. . . there’s graffiti on the bathroom wall in your own house.

. . . you have grease under your toenails.

. . . you think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

. . . you think a manicure is some kind of French doctor.

. . . your mama saves aluminum foil.

. . . you have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

. . . you clean your house with a water hose.

. . . during the wedding ceremony the minister said, “Do you, DeWayne, take Connie to be your old lady?”

. . . the game warden knows the serial numbers to your guns by heart.

. . . you pawned your grandfather’s pocket watch because you needed beer money for the weekend.

. . . you took your coon dogs on your honeymoon.

. . . you drive across town to see a car wreck.

. . . your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull.

. . . the most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is “What the hell are you lookin’ at Diphead?”

. . . your best coon hound gets a birthday present and your wife doesn’t.

. . . your mother has more chest hair than your father.


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