Might Be a Democrat If…

You vote Democrat because it’s easier than getting a job!

You think the rich can get richer off people who have no money. You’ve named your kids “Stardust” or “Moonbeam”.

You’ve tried to argue that all of societies problems are based on the fact that McDonald’s, by law, only has to pay $5/hr.

If you utter the phrase “There ought to be a law” at least once a week.

If you have ever used the phrase “protecting prisoner’s rights”.

If you find yourself nodding vigorously and saying “someone finally said it right” during an episode of Oprah.

You call the execution of a homicidal maniac “murder” but call abortion “pro-choice”.

You’ve ever referred to the Military/Industrial Complex during a conversation.

You know you never laughed as a kid, the world was in just too bad a shape.

All of your 1970′s “Beware of Global Freezing” signs now have “Beware of Global Warming” on the back.

Your friends told you how much fun you had at the Grateful Dead show, but you’re not sure what year you saw them.

You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating that your bags are subject to inspection.

You’ve ever argued that “you can’t legislate morality”.

Referred to the Founding Fathers as “those aristocratic, chauvinistic, lily white, slave owning, land stealing oppressors of indigenous personnel”.

You argued that a few more months of sanctions and Saddam Hussein would fold like rookie poker player.

You know more than 2 people who have a degree in “Women’s Studies”

You’ve ever said “But look at all the good Ted Kennedy has done for the women of this country!”

You blame things on “The Man.”

You believe that Bart Simpson only needs a little more affection.

You’ve ever stared at a wall and said “Now THAT is definitely man’s inhumanity to man!”

You argue that the only flaw with Marx is that Russia was an agrarian society.

You’ve ever called the meter maid a Fascist.

You are giddy at the prospect of the return of bell bottoms.

You argue that the Second Amendment only refers to Federally organized militias.

You view Jane Fonda as a courageous heroine with strong convictions.

You view Hootie and the Blowfish as the bedrock of culture refinement.

After looking at your pay stub you can still say “America is under-taxed”.

You’ve ever said “We really should call the ACLU about this”.

You’ve ever referred to “the glass ceiling”.

You know 2 or more people with “concrete proof” that the Pentagon is covering up: Roswell, the Kennedy assassination, the CIA’s role in creating AIDS.

You came of age in the ’60s and don’t remember.

You’ve ever owned a VW bug or ridden in a Microbus.

You own something that says Dukakis for President, and still display it.

You believe it because “Dan Rather wouldn’t lie about something this important.”

You ever based an argument on the phrase, “But they can afford a tax hike  because…”

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch “is a victim of Draconian budget cuts.”

You’ve ever argued that with just 1 more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.

You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.

You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.

You are outraged that Baseball Players make millions and the poor clerk at the unemployment office only makes 28 bucks an hour doing such good work.

You believe that an elected official attending religious services is a violation of the separation of Church and state.

You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.

You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.

You think that Al Gore macherena thing was a laugh riot.

You feel that Green Peace is misunderstood. 

You keep your PC dictionary with you at all times so as not to offend. You think communism will catch on once society has evolved.

You’ve tried to argue in favor of anything based on “Well, they’re gonna do it anyway so….”.

You’ve ever stated “How does what he does in his personal life have any bearing on doing his job?”

You don’t understand all the commotion about Whitewater, Vince Foster, selling US foreign policy for campaign contributions, it’s just politics, right?


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