Light Bulb Jokes

I realized that we didn’t have any lightbulb jokes posted here at F&J, so I figured… let’s post some! Below are a few funny ones we found -┬ásome passed around via email, some sent to us, some we found surfing the net. Enjoy!

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

Q: How many DIY’ers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two -one to screw it in and another to sponsor him.

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists question whether it’s really light anyway.

Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Just one, but it takes nine visits.

Q: How many pre-med students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred – one to change the lightbulb, the other ninety-nine to stand around wondering why they weren’t chosen.

Q: How many MAC owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he’d have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which cost extra.

Q: How many PC owners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None – it’ll be fixed in the next version.

Q: How many gardeners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to have a debate about whether this is the right time of year to be putting in lightbulbs or daffodil bulbs.

Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he’ll have to replace the whole socket.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in and another to screw it up.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor.

Q: How many inner-city gang members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four – one to rob the liquor store to get money for the bulb, one to drive the getaway car, one to screw it in, and one to hold his crack pipe while he does it.

Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Who who wants to know?

Q: How many dyslexics does it take to bulb a light change?
A: enO.

Q: How many NASA engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seventy – and they plan it for two weeks and when they finally get around to it the weather’s bad so they postpone it utill next week. The lightbulb costs three million dollars.

Q: How many FOX news reporters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up when he turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the truth of the report despite the manipulation.

Q: How many talk show hosts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, one to screw in the new bulb, one to ask the old one how it feels to be replaced, and one to take questions from the audience.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, lawyers only screw people.

Q: How many WWE wrestlers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five. Three to setup the drama and two to fake it.

Q: How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but she’ll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change the lightbulb. One to spot. The other two to stand and yell support (Come on! You can do it! etc…)


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