Lawyers And Light Bulbs
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? This is a question that's been at the forefront of discussion amongst the most prestigious scholars and lawmakers of the world. Finally, after getting them all together - the question has been answered.
A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part shall be undertaken by the party of the first part to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part, notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil is observed by the party of the first part throughout.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes seperated from the party of the third part, also known as the 'receptacle', the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.
3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part, also known as 'new light bulb'. This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part becomes snug in the party of the third part and in fact becomes the party of the second part.
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by said party of the first part, or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do sum the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'.
What'd You Think?
(120 votes, average: 2.32 out of 5)
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Too much reading. Didn’t even bother getting past #1
Why don’t thay make it a litte smaller
PS. I did not read it
Its to long u are lost to the humor at the end
jeeeeeeeesus. ive seen a long joke before but my god…..how boring ? didnt even get past the question dude ! whats wrong with just a number and an explanation? nice attempt though . nice try
OMG! Soooooo boring! Jeese man what the heck is wrong with that! OMG Didnt even get past the preview !
IT WAS 2 LONG LOL ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY..IM NOT READIN THAT!!!WTF
omg dat was preety funny!! all of u that thought it was too long that was the point!!!! duh!!! lawyers alwasy beat around the bush, add non needed info thats the joke!!! lol
agree wit u Rae but only on the notion law is a very borrrrrring profession. not on the joke is funny. lol where’s ur funny bone. duuhh!!!
Verrrrrrry Goooood!!!!!!! It leaves NOTHING to be misunderstood. If all contractual agreements were written in such a manner, ie: friendship, love, marriage, etc., there would be a lot less heartache and misunderstandings.
You dont have to read all the way through. If you just skim read it then you get the genneral jist of it and it is mediocally funny. The point of the joke (i think) is that it is long and slightly boring (THATS THE POINT!!!!!) and this is one joke on this website that i actually felt was slightly funny. If they made the joke shorter then there wouldn’t be a joke at all!!!!
it could be better
you guys obviously dont get it, it describes how a lawyer would have to legally word the steps involved in simply changing a light bulb.
i think the writer must be a lawyer.
lol Yeah.
That’s the whole point of it-
It’s long, and that’s what makes it funny!
ur people are stupid…its supposed to be long lol, lawyers never go right to the point.
ps. my dads a lawyer…lol
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? This is a question that’s been at the forefront of discussion amongst the most prestigious scholars and lawmakers of the world. Finally, after getting them all together – the question has been answered.
A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as ‘the lawyers’ and the party of the second part, also known as ‘the light bulb’ do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
light-bulb1. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part shall be undertaken by the party of the first part to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part, notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil is observed by the party of the first part throughout.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes seperated from the party of the third part, also known as the ‘receptacle’, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.
3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part, also known as ‘new light bulb’. This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part becomes snug in the party of the third part and in fact becomes the party of the second part.
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by said party of the first part, or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do sum the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as ‘The Firm’.
It is tooo long and eve nif it ends up funny, u would noy laugh cause u would be bored out of ur head! lol i didn’t bother.
get off it dude……….i didn’t even reach da first 3rd para……
had it been either smaller or less complicated…….
it displays how good lawyers are at complicating simple matters
what? this joke is much too long for my taste, even with the comedic irony
Ag come on!I’m studying to become a lawyer and if I ever get that boring and technical, slap me plz!!!
I LIKE PIE!!!!!!!!!
fair enough for not getting it.
i feel like ive wasted my time by reading it through …
Actually it is not a joke! It must be a busines deed;-)
u guys r soooo stupid the whole point of the joke is that it is long coz lawers make long stupid contracts… try thinkin about the joke before u diss ur obviously not spose 2 reed it
stupid joke
That’s hilarious… and no, I didn’t read the whole thing. What makes the joke funny is that it’s long and drawn out, and full of legalise. You’re not supposed to read it all.
WHEN U R READING THIS DONT STOP OR SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN! MY NAME IS SUMMER I AM 15 YEARS OLD i have BLONDE HAIR ,MANY SCARS no NOSE OR EARS.. I AM DEAD. IF U DONT COPY THIS jUST LIKE FROM THE RING, COPY N POST THIS ON 5 MORE SITES.. OR.. SUMMER WILL APPEAR ONE DARK QUIET NIGHT WHEN UR NOT ExPECTING IT BY YOUR BED
You will experience great sex within four days of receiving this letter, provided you pass it on (use the “Email This To A Friend or Social Bookmark It!” above or post a link on your favorite message board or blog). Since the copy must tour the world, you must make ten copies and send them to others. This is no joke. Send no money. Send copies to people who need to get laid within 96 hours. Don’t believe this is serious business? Read some of these true stories:
After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control Officer got his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine and had the longest series of orgasms of his life.
John Elliot tried to pick up a prostitute, but, because he broke the chain, was picked up by the police instead. When they searched his home, they found magazines of little boys which they showed to his neighbors.
In a suburb of Paris, Don Loray’s trousers were ripped by an unsatisfied erection, 51 days after failing to circulate the letter. However, before this happened, a condom machine gave him three condoms for the price of one. (was this the consolation prize?)
Do note the following: Hebert Pudstrom received the chain in 1953. He asked his secretary to make ten copies and send them out. A few days later he encountered her in a red-light district making more than he had ever paid her at work.
General George Patton, who sent the letter on, saw what he thought was a quarter in the street. When he bent down to pick it up, a beautiful woman in a miniskirt walked by, and he got a great view.
Heywood Daddit, an unemployed chicken choker, received the letter and forgot that it had to leave his hands within 96 hours. His wife then went bowling with his best friend and never returned. Later, after finding the letter again, he mailed ten copies. A few days later he got a wife and discovered that his old wife, who he thought was wonderful, had made love to him like a dead salmon for all these years!
Alan Fairchild received the letter and, not believing, threw the letter away. Nine days later he spilled hot coffee in his crotch.
In 1987 the letter received by a young woman in Texas was faded and barely readable, so she did not realize that this paragraph applied to her. She promised herself she would retype the letter and send it on, but she put it aside to do later. She was plagued with problems including herpes and other venereal diseases she contracted in her futile attempts to find Mr. Right in a singles bar. The letter did not leave her hands in 96 hours. She finally typed the letter and found a man with a 10-inch penis.
Beware, however of the fate of the E-mail user at Trent University, Peterborough, ONT, that sent this letter to himself over five thousand times in one afternoon. Before leaving the computer lab a strange woman came up behind him, bit his ear and put her hand down his pants. The ensuing surprise caused him to stumble forward and cry out. As he attempted to arrest his fall by grabbing a nearby PC, a gob of spittle that had been flung from his mouth (as he cried out) landed deep into the inner recesses of the computer, all three (student, strange woman and computer) then experienced simultaneous Cyber-Orgasms of exponential intensity before exploding in a puff of smoking data.
You must distribute at least ten copies within 96 hours of receiving this letter. Those who do will find their love lives more fulfilling. Those who do not will be doomed to one-night stands with mechanical devices. Your immediate attention is urged!
Come is dis a joke or a story?