Jokes For Women, About Men
Alright, this goes against every male sperm in my body but, by popular request, it’s got to be posted. Seems there’s a rumor going around that we’re sexist (maybe she meant to say sexy), but at any rate we’re going to be burying that rumor right now (not the one about being sexy). Eh, lost a bit of my manhood on this one.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They don’t stop and ask for directions.
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.
Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.
Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A: Not enough time.
Q: How does a man prove his ability to plan for the future?
A: By buying a case of beer.
Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: The bonds mature.
Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.
Q: When do you care for a man’s company?
A: When he owns it.
Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.
Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: They’re married.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don’t know, it’s never happened.
Q: Why are married women heavier than single Women?
A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
What'd You Think?
(39 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
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August 31st, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Yeah these jokes are funny!! Post more please!
August 31st, 2007 at 3:30 pm
you got it Andrea, we need more jokes please!!!!!!!
August 31st, 2007 at 10:53 pm
omg love them keep them commin
September 3rd, 2007 at 7:48 am
EXCELLENT BECUASE ITS ALL TRUE!!!
September 4th, 2007 at 2:51 am
Its funny cause half of it women do also.
September 9th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
I luv those jokes
September 13th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
True true and all true. =p
September 14th, 2007 at 9:40 am
*sigh* Gotta rerant
I’m sick and tired of women saying men are like this! Look at your own problem bitches! We aren’t all the same, some of us actually have the ability to think for ourselves! “People who scratch their ass shouldn’t bite their fingernails!” Now shut your ass up and finish fixing your own problems before you come picking on us! Think about it a 15 year-old smarter than every other man in the world. Sexists piss me off.
September 15th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
these are so true and funny keep em comin!
September 17th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Wow. It seems life “WolfChild” (what a stupid name) needs to find himself a sense of humor. Can’t you take a joke?
September 18th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Usually i’m the one telling jokes but I live in a family of girls and fankly i’m sick of it and it’s obsesion that inspired the name
September 18th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
hehe i liked the widow joke they’re gd
September 18th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
hehe they’regd especially the widow one
September 19th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
These are awesome! And Wolf Child, get over yourself. I grew up in a house full of 7 brothers with 2 girls… Your all the same. Behind every good man is an even greater woman.
September 23rd, 2007 at 3:08 am
I’m afraid that im with Wolfchild on this one. Fair enough, a joke every now and then doesn’t hurt, but still this sexism crap is really getting on my nerves. The reason why everybody else on this page disagrees with Wolfchild is that your all women. Most guys would read through this and say “pffft, this is all bull.” He would then leave at that. But all you obnoxious women read it, laugh without even trying to look at your own faults, then take it 1 step further by saying that it’s true. Gah, i hate this stereotyping crap.
September 23rd, 2007 at 8:43 am
(coughs) Sexist I’m sick and tired of sexist stuff. There is sexism against men all the time Women con’s are 1 and we dont do anything but we do something just a tiny bit sexist and we get a whole town of women just blabbing on and on and on son plz GOD here’s a simple rule You insult us we insult you Dont insult us we dont insult you I’m sure even a Dipshit can get that right
September 23rd, 2007 at 1:41 pm
I am a man and i find these jokes funny. The reason being they are true on television. Look at all the american sit coms and you will see that that is how the men are. however, its not true in the real world, and if you live your life like on the sit coms and soap operas, then i feel sorry for you.
September 25th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
lulz, very funny. And so true!
September 27th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
well. it seems all fair to me that both men and women can have jokes about eachother. i think that complaining about a list of jokes is more the slightly immature. if men dont wanna read the jokes that are ’sexist’ against them. then dont click on this link and vica versa
September 27th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
and additionally. if the jokes are funny, women can laugh. if you dont want them laughing, then i guess move to a country where ya’ll get the joy of NOT having any rights. or opinions
September 29th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Then again what do i know. I’m just a dumb blonde. There I said it. Relieved
September 30th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Hey! I’m sensitive, caring, good looking and not gay! Need my number?
October 1st, 2007 at 3:03 pm
These had me laughing my head OFF.
October 2nd, 2007 at 5:32 pm
ha, to everyone that replied back and forth on this thing from day to day and sometimes a couple of times during the day, get a job, get a hobby, and get off your ass, go do something.
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:26 am
u really got the male popln there. next time they do get into any situations pls forward them this one. thumbs up to all the ladies
October 9th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
ill agree with wolfchild, i also h8 sexist people and also racist people, every guy i know is full of himself its so f**ken annoying
October 16th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
what do u call a woman with not money? a golddigger
October 19th, 2007 at 11:36 am
thats all true heehee have a scence of humor stupid child
October 24th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
and women say WE are the sexist ones
October 31st, 2007 at 9:16 pm
wow people really get worked up about these jokes, and if you didn’t read the whole thing it was written by a guy, also wolf child buy a punching bag and work out some of those problems.
November 2nd, 2007 at 9:40 pm
omg pplz not all guys r like dis….but some r >cough ok most cough
November 2nd, 2007 at 9:42 pm
in addition 2 tha last (it didnt sumitt it all dang thang) it sayd:
lol keep em comein =D
November 4th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
I think it is really childish for someone to get worked up over this joke because guys post jokes that insult women, but then again there is atleast one insulting joke out there that could fit anyone in the world…the point is they are just there to give people a little comic relief…not all guys are like this and not all girls are selfish and conceited, like jokes make them out to be…and not all blondes are stupid…so just have a laugh and get on with your life, because I am a 17 year old girl who is smart enough to see that there are a lot of people out there that need to get a sense of humor because if you clicked on this link expecting something that would make guys look gods then you have got another thing coming…
p.s. I thought it was funny, but again I know that not all guys are like this…
November 7th, 2007 at 7:05 pm
man, wolfchild take a chill pill. muppet. grow up you stupid little twat. it’s a freaking joke! goodness me. you’re just prooving us women right you stupid little boy.
November 7th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
is wolfchild a little chav with behavioural problems? see a shrink. and find a woman.
November 11th, 2007 at 11:00 am
LOL THOSE ARE GREAT!
THEYRE ALL SO TRUE!!!!
ps im male
November 12th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
It truly is amusing watching the males and the females debating over all of this sexism crap. Personally i find ALL sexism retarded as both genders are the same species. The only reason us men think we overpower the women is because physically, we do. We are designed to do the hunting and crap while the women take care of the young. If you look at most species its the exact same. The male bord goes off and hunts while the female looks after the young. And when one guy (or girl) comes out with jokes ripping on MEN for a change, all of the men get upset cause this has never happened to them before. But women are so used to this sexism crap that they care for it less which goes to show that us men are hippocrits. We can dis the other gender while they cant dis us? Loosen up and get with the program. i mean, WHAT THE HELL ARE A FEW WORDS GOING TO DO???? But now that I think about it, women have a very slight way of dissing men al though it doesn’t compare to what we do to them. I mean, have you ever heard any of that pop crap by people like britany spears? “boys— one of life pleasures. Boys— so easy to control.” i mean, barely anybody really thinks about the lyrics yet they still listen to it and not really realize it. But compare that to all the porn and crap on TV and its nothing. The only reason there isn’t more of the female impowerment is because all the directors and CEO’s of companies are MALE. But wolfchild here, actually has a sense of humor and decides to post it, proving that MEN ACTUALLY HAVE FEELINGS. that is all
November 12th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
lol and if i can figure out all of thiss on my own when im 12, what does that tell you about the human race?
November 12th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
lol and if i can figure out all of thiss on my own when im 12, while no other man can, what does that tell you about the human race?
November 17th, 2007 at 1:09 am
it doesnt tell us much about the human race, but it tells us that you are a nerd who needs to stop trying to sound clever.
November 23rd, 2007 at 2:20 pm
There r better things to moan about than that “wolfchild” has farted and she’s gonna do it again and again.!!!!!
January 17th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
The stupidity in here is astounding, everyone of you claiming that someone else is sexist, then saying that their gender is better is basically slapping their arguement in the face.
Learn to apprieate equallity idiots.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:53 am
I liked them all despite being a man. All of them are quite witty. Good. Liked the widow and last one too much. Keep it up.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:54 am
I liked them all despite being a man. All of them are quite witty. Good. Liked the widow and last one too much. Keep it up. Also I noticed that this joke had the largest number of comments I have come across as yet. Good going
February 21st, 2008 at 1:06 pm
man people do u have nothing better to do. people have made jokes at others expense since the dawn of time >:( lighten up
February 23rd, 2008 at 4:47 am
haha nice
April 21st, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I just found this site after my fiancee read me a women joke email his friend sent to him. So I went online to find some jokes to fight back with, lol… If men can dish it - they should learn how to take it!
For the record, my fiancee (and me too, lol) loves the chicken joke and is sending that one back to his friend
Grow up guys who are whining! Stop acting like little wimps.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
oh, by the way… sorry in advance for the spelling mistakes. I am foreign and I suppose I still have a lot to learn about this language
June 11th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Hello Wolf Child. I completely sympathize with you.
I am a french female and am living with an english man whose friends always have “boy’s nights out” and shows me pictures from his colleagues portraying snowmen having a wank: the one in the mouth of the woman who’s “of course” in the middle being sodomised by another snowman. You see…
This is what men do to us ! They even make jokes out of rape! …. (see 2)