I’m Glad I’m A Woman
I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I don’t live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections
I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I don’t get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
I won’t grab your hooters, I won’t pinch your butt
my belt buckle’s not hidden beneath my beer gut
and I don’t go around “readjusting” my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
I don’t belch in public, I don’t scratch my behind
I’m a woman you see — I’m just not that kind!
I’m glad I’m a woman, I’m so glad I could sing
I don’t have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesn’t grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over you can’t see 3 inches of crack
And what’s on my head doesn’t leave with my comb
I’ll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
I’m a woman, you know — I’ve got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
I don’t live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don’t swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won’t tell you my wife just does not understand
stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I’m glad I’m a woman, a woman you see
you can forget all about that old penis envy
I don’t long for male bonding, I don’t cruise for chicks
join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
I’m a woman by chance and I’m thankful it’s true
I’m so glad I’m a woman and not a man like you!
What'd You Think?
(37 votes, average: 3.7 out of 5)
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October 3rd, 2007 at 10:04 am
Oh I like this poem better. it was so true haha
October 3rd, 2007 at 10:45 am
ooo i like this poem it speaks the true
October 3rd, 2007 at 12:42 pm
AMELIA TURNER IS A MEXICAN PROSTITUTE!!!
October 3rd, 2007 at 2:54 pm
I luv this poem. it’s true and hilarious. trularious!!!
October 4th, 2007 at 11:00 am
who would pary for that
October 4th, 2007 at 11:01 am
i meant to say pay
October 4th, 2007 at 11:02 am
is anybody gonna say anything to the mexican prostitute comment?! jeez!
October 4th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Who is Amelia Turner? I have a friend who’s interested…
October 4th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
$5 an hour
October 4th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
That joke is hillarious.But one thing…what does $5 an hour mean
October 5th, 2007 at 9:11 am
this is so true….but two things……who is amelia turner and why does she only charge $5 an hour?
October 5th, 2007 at 11:01 am
because she’s a cheap whore like that
October 5th, 2007 at 11:03 am
i am interested where does she live at
October 6th, 2007 at 11:06 am
very very true.
October 6th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
amelia lives in the ghetto. south of france.
October 8th, 2007 at 8:03 am
thats the worst thing ive ever hurd i h8 it so sexist aswell
October 8th, 2007 at 11:01 am
Amelia sounds hot I’d tap that
October 8th, 2007 at 11:01 am
Wow this amelia girl sounds pretty BAD!!!
October 8th, 2007 at 11:02 am
I wish i had a quarter for every gorilla named amelia
October 8th, 2007 at 11:02 am
that’s cuz she is bad. bad to the bone.
October 8th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Actually my third wife was named amelia, found her in a mexican brothel
October 8th, 2007 at 11:04 am
i would do that all night and day, i would even do that while eating a sandwhich
October 8th, 2007 at 11:05 am
yaeh. an amelia sandwhich.
October 8th, 2007 at 11:07 am
i had an amelia sandwhich, it was too creamy
October 8th, 2007 at 11:08 am
ew. wow. too much. too much.
October 16th, 2007 at 11:24 am
i don’t care i like it nasty
October 23rd, 2007 at 1:18 pm
lol we should just put the blog on as a joke… its funny reading it!!!!
so you like it nasty eh….ohhhyeahhhh then what’s your fav postion???
October 24th, 2007 at 11:02 am
why do u wanna know? wierd.
October 24th, 2007 at 11:02 am
:/
October 24th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
What THE FK happened to my last comment?
October 24th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Im hungry.
October 26th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
lololololhi
October 27th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Los angeles baby!
October 31st, 2007 at 11:06 am
Wow Amelia you are getting alotttttt of comments about you!!! lol… kinda nasty! lol
October 31st, 2007 at 11:07 am
yea, i think that amelia girl is proud of all those comments…
it’s probably the most attention she’s ever gotten…
October 31st, 2007 at 11:08 am
everyone loves mexican prostiutes with 60 year parents
October 31st, 2007 at 11:08 am
haha yeah probably… i wonder if she has a BIG purse that she puts in the middle of the lunch table!!!
October 31st, 2007 at 11:09 am
i heard about this mekenna girl who was in buisness with amilia they like it nasty and dirty
October 31st, 2007 at 11:28 am
that mauricio kid must have came out of the closet. since hes on the “im glad im a woman”
October 31st, 2007 at 11:33 am
that mecenna must think shes so cool cause shes a lez
q23
w
October 31st, 2007 at 11:34 am
that mckenna kid is a lesbian
October 31st, 2007 at 12:08 pm
oh yeah so true.. your so gay… your full of it mauricio.
October 31st, 2007 at 12:53 pm
THIS IS MAURICO……… i will admit it, i AM a woman….. on the outside i wanted to be a man… but on the inside i have everything a girl does….. i also get my period every month…. ( at the beginning) i hate it, but i also love it!!!!! im glad im a woman!!!
November 1st, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Wow mauricio…
i always knew there was somethin diffrent about u…
But who new u would acctually come out of the closet lol…
and yea i bet u wish u were a woman…
November 1st, 2007 at 11:18 pm
WOW. . .WHERE THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INTO? TRANNIES…HO3S…HE SHES…
November 11th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
haha i can appreciate that cuz i can relate
December 6th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
amelia so damn ugly that she gotta pay a man (or woman) to tap dat.
January 2nd, 2008 at 1:00 am
This was soooooooooo gay
April 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
uhh…. the poem was funny, but these comments are 2
~:) ~
May 14th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
dat was better than da guy one dani ur gay
July 12th, 2008 at 6:11 am
yeah, true this is stupid, why wood u be proud to sit when u piss? i enjoy standing up