Fun With Cops

So you’re bored? How about some games you can play with your local law enforcement? Bonus points if you can do any of these without getting hit over the head with a nightstick. Double bonus if you can do all of these without getting the death penalty.

  • Ask him what he is doing out so late.
  • Ask the cop if you can use his pepper spray to “spice up” your takeout.
  • Draw happy faces on all the pages in his ticket book.
  • Ask if his bulletproof vest would protect him from projectile vomiting.
  • Ask him if you can take his squad car out for a joy ride.
  • When he ask you for your licence say, “Oh sure officer, could you just hold my beer.”
  • Explain speeding with, “See officer, I was driving along when I dropped my bag of crack. I tried to pick it up but, when I did, my gun fell and jammed my foot against the gas pedal.”
  • When he walks up to you have the radio full blast, look forward without saying a word and breathe in and out very loudly.
  • When he ask you to walk the straight line, “Riverdance” instead.
  • When he asks you to say your alphabet backwards count backwards from ten instead.
  • Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.
  • Tell him you wanted to be a cop but decided to graduate high school instead.
  • Try to bribe him with chucky cheese tokens.
  • Try to bribe him with one-dollar bills. When he declines, remind him that “with 10-10-220 you can get all calls up to twenty minutes for 99 cents.”
  • Take his nightstick and play whack-a-mole with his head.
  • Pay all your ticket fines with pennies.
  • Take his flashlight and play flashlight tag with yourself.
  • When he walks up to you, look at his gut and say “I thought you had to be physically fit to be a cop.”
  • Ask him how many donuts he can eat in one minute. Ask him to prove it.
  • Say to him, “Don’t cheek the trunk. Nope, nothing in there. Scout’s honor.”
  • When he asks you to explain why you were going so fast, tell him that you were going to Dunkin’ Donuts and you know he’ll understand.
  • When the cop is talking to you, ignore him and roll your window up and down while looking amazed that it does that.
  • Ask him if you can play cops and robbers.
  • Call his dog Admiral, regardless of what its real name is.
  • Throw the cop’s nightstick and tell Admiral to go fetch.
  • Tell him that the wee little leprechauns made you do it.
  • When he tries to open the door taunt him by locking the door when he tries to open it, then unlocking it when he looks away. Repeat this several times.
  • When he walks up to your car-put your hands on your face and mutter, “If I don’t see you I can’t get a ticket.”
  • When he tells you to put your hands on the hood, walk to his car and put your hands on his hood.
  • Say to him “Darn, you must of been goin’ realluy fast to keep up with me!”
  • Tell him you were testing to law of perpetual motion when the escape vector was off causing Philbin’s law to take effect…
  • When he asks you to touch your nose, poke yourself in the eye and start acting like Curly from the Three Stooges.
  • Keep his pen.
  • If they put you in the back of the squad car, sing, “Mary Had a Little Lamb” loudly and obnoxiously over and over all the way to the Police Dept.
  • Instead of pleading the fifth admendment plead the 13th or the 18th Instead.
  • Say “Could you tighten these cuffs? My hands don’t hurt yet.”

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