French Jokes (Couldn’t Resist)

Man oh man, we’ve been collecting a bunch of short French jokes for quite some time now and I think it’s finally time to post them all. But seriously… raise your hand if you like the French? Ok, now raise both hands if you are French! Hey, it’s not like they didn’t have it coming!

Question and Answer French Jokes

Q: How do you say “Hello” in French?
A: I surrender!

Q. Why don’t Master Card and Visa work well in France?
A. They do not know how to say “CHARGE!”

Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.

Q: What’s the motto of the US Marine Corps?
A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)

Q: What’s the motto of the French Army?
A: Stop, drop, and run!

Q. How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
A. Don’t know, it’s never been tried.

Q. How do you introduce yourself in French?
A. “Don’t shoot, I give up!”

Q: Why don’t they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn’t really exist.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. Their army.

Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armour on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac.

Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
A: Gratitude.

Famous Quotes About The French

“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.” ~ General George S. Patton

“As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure” ~ Jacques Chirac, President of France

“We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.” ~ Marge Simpson

“As far as France is concerned, you’re right.” ~ Rush Limbaugh

“You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the face for it.” ~ John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.” ~ Conan O’Brien

I don’t know why people are surprised that France won’t help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France! ~ Jay Leno

“What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?” ~ Dennis Miller

Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered. ~ Jay Leno

“Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that’s because it was raining.” ~ John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from “Run” to “Hide”. If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to “Surrender”, or even as high as “Collaborate”. ~ Jay Leno

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French Jokes (Couldn’t Resist) was written by F&J Staff on Saturday, September 6th, 2008 at 1:21 pm. It was filed under Jokes, Racial Jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the Comments RSS feed. You may also be interested in reading , Britain and France, Jay Leno’s Late Nite TV Jokes, Lance Armstrong Finally Busted, Taliban Jokes, (Almost) 50 Great “Georgisms” - George Carlin Jokes.