French Jokes (Couldn’t Resist)
Man oh man, we’ve been collecting a bunch of short French jokes for quite some time now and I think it’s finally time to post them all. But seriously… raise your hand if you like the French? Ok, now raise both hands if you are French! Hey, it’s not like they didn’t have it coming!
Question and Answer French Jokes
Q: How do you say “Hello” in French?
A: I surrender!
Q. Why don’t Master Card and Visa work well in France?
A. They do not know how to say “CHARGE!”
Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q: What’s the motto of the US Marine Corps?
A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)
Q: What’s the motto of the French Army?
A: Stop, drop, and run!
Q. How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
A. Don’t know, it’s never been tried.
Q. How do you introduce yourself in French?
A. “Don’t shoot, I give up!”
Q: Why don’t they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.
Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn’t really exist.
Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. Their army.
Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armour on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac.
Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
A: Gratitude.
Famous Quotes About The French
“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.” ~ General George S. Patton
“As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure” ~ Jacques Chirac, President of France
“We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.” ~ Marge Simpson
“As far as France is concerned, you’re right.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
“You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the face for it.” ~ John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.” ~ Conan O’Brien
I don’t know why people are surprised that France won’t help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France! ~ Jay Leno
“What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?” ~ Dennis Miller
Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered. ~ Jay Leno
“Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that’s because it was raining.” ~ John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.
In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from “Run” to “Hide”. If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to “Surrender”, or even as high as “Collaborate”. ~ Jay Leno
What'd You Think?
(90 votes, average: 3.99 out of 5)
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Huzzah first to reply xD
so very very true…..
all of them….FUNNY!
and true.
I’m not French and also not here to argue, but i think that some of these jokes are quite horrible meaning that TO the French.
Im french and these are so true
haha freaking hilarious i hope the french dont take it too seriously though
on second thought lol who cares
Sure the not so serious jokes are funny, but the serious ones about the WWII isn’t. This is because probably thousands and millions of french people died for nothing. Just because the Germans were to greedy and wanted more land.
Sure take the piss outa them, but not over something so serious. I suppose they take the piss outa us, just not about our men dieing in war.
Hey … I’m frm India …i didn’t get it, r the french supposed to be peaceful or wat?
yeah funny an all but cmon!!! the surrender jokes got OLD!!! there french!!! theres so much more!!! and dude napoleon was french… he conquered over half the world… so yeah…
hhahahahha o man…
i peed a little.
Napoeleon was from corsica, the french have only been truly victorious when they are led by forigners
This is probably why the French hate us………..
However, keep in mind that the French greatly aided the United states gain its freedom from Britain. And America is the strongest military force in the world currently.
So technically, we(the strongest military power in the world) used to Owe France one
Also, an odd fact considering back armor, Genghis Khan actually made the armor on the back of his soldiers thinner so that they could be killed more easily if they tried to run.
Plus, Didn’t France (during tribal times as the gauls) have a hand in conquering Rome?
Three words. French Foreign Legion.
But the jokes were funny, especially the quotes!
estupid americans…but so true
Come on now,
The French aren’t pussies, during WWII, they fought too to recapture their land, ohh noo wait, they Took a bunch of people from their north african colonies and used them to fight under the French Flag, and then claimed the victory and said the French soldiers did it, then stoped paying these people their pensions after their countries got their independence,
The French are good at sucking, good one.
wow man thats stupid thats not even funny man thats stupid those arnt even jokes if you think tats funny ure an idiot
hey these jokes are cruel…..and when i say cruel i mean fricking awsome lol
Jokes are ok, not as cutthroat as I would like, but still funny. And French people are the shit stain in the underwear of the world!
the jokes are too funny and amusing…while some of it may be true,others are too exagerated and outright false…im neither a french nor an american but to call the french pussies and surrendering monkeys just because of world war II is too much…you guys ever heard of the free french forces?well even the brits makes use of their colonies to fight their wars..if the french were really the people you believe them to be they would not be one of the worlds richest and most powerful countries.
Hahaa, so funny!
I think I laughed at the two first jokes, then it just got old. It’s like the extremely old joke here (Sweden) that’s like
Q: what goes and goes but never gets to the door?
A: the clock
Q: what goes and goes but never gets to the door?
A: grandad who’s stuck with his pants in the roof
Q: what goes and goes but never gets to the door?
A: the hamster in the hamsterwheel
they go on and on forever. I don’t mean the answers, I mean the jokes. get new material.
these jokes are funny and so true
Coming from the battle field of Afghanistan and worked some french Soldiers, i don’t find those jokes funny. They are as good as we are, so who ever came up with those jokes need to grow up. As American we need to leave the french alone with jokes related to their army and start focusing on those that are killing our sons, daughters, sisters and friends, there are the ones that make fun fun of us while drinking tea over there…
Why are there so many tree-lined roads and leafy avenues in Paris?
Because Germans like to march in the shade.
The French are weak. The Marines are strong. Semper FIdelis.