FAA Maintenance Complaints
From now on, it'll never be said that airport ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. We dug up a few actual (or at least claimed to be) logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.
Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on backorder.
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for!
Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.
Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Problem: Radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed radar with words.
Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem: Suspected crack in windscreen.
Solution: Suspect you're right.
Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
By the way, according to the report, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. Really inspires alot of confidence doesn't it?
What'd You Think?
(128 votes, average: 4.10 out of 5)
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uhhhh…
i dont get it
some of its funny ….
Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Didnt understand
Oh man that’s good stuff :’)
woooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
great stuff
Good Stuff!!
Exclusively for pilots. didnt get much of it.
Alright this set of jokes is hilarious, and sorry it doesn’t take a GED to understand them. But the rest of the website sucks a**. The comments are funnier than the jokes.
i’m not a pilot, but a space admiral.. lol.. I like em… cute.. : ) if it weren’t for stupid people and smart remarks none of us would be in this place ; )
oh, gawd.
All you guys sayin ‘uhhh… dont get it…. oh I’m not a pilot, so I don’t understand’……… you dont need to be a pilot to understand!!! Ya, a couple terms you don’t know, but you should still be able to understand the joke! Duh! you people make me sick….
With 30 plus years in aviation I have seen many similar discrepancies written up on aircraft and have written many similar write offs. Non aviation types will probably not understand a lot of them. Guess you just have to be there. Really enjoyed some new ones.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH i like Problem: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
I have one for you. I was an Aircraft mechanic it the US Air Force. After one particular flight, my pilot wrote the discrepancy, rear cockpit stick actuator malfunctioned. I signed off the discrepancy as rear cockpit stick actuator removed and replaced on next flight.
I loved this…really makes me look forward to this summer when I join the AF.
LOL
Wow I love this its verry funny!! And I get it!! XD yay me!!
Are these REALLY true reports?
Jeff,
I cannot say about the rest of the ones listed but the one I mentioned in the remarks is in fact true. I was the crewchief and my pilot actually did put the write up in the forms. I could not declare the F4E ready for flight until the weapons systems operator showed up and got in the cockpit. (Also referred to in the remarks as the rear cockpit stick actuator).
Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Hahahahaha!!!! This is one hell of a crazy mechanic.
For those who didn’t get it, these are reports by pilots that will be read by mechanics so they can fix them. The “PROBLEM” is pilot’s report. The “SOLUTION” is the mechanic’s response after fixing the problem.