Even More “You Might Be A Redneck If” Foxworthy Jokes

You Might Be a Redneck IF… (By Jeff Foxworthy)

. . . your wife puts Bean-O on everything you eat.

. . . your dog rides in the front seat and your kids ride in the back.

. . . you taught your children how to play “Pull My Finger.”

. . . you own half a pickup truck.

. . . the church social committee is afraid to meet at your house.

. . . you own a trophy that includes the words “cow chip toss” on it.

. . . you’ve ever made love on a tire swing.

. . . the first question your mother asks upon checking into the motel is, “Where’s the nearest liquor store?”

. . . you show strangers your war wound.

. . . your mailing address includes the word “holler.”

. . . the Salvation Army comes to your house and takes the wrong furniture.

. . . there are antlers nailed to the outside of your house.

. . . you fill up the bathtub just to test out a fishing lure.

. . . your Thanksgiving centerpiece has ever been prepared by a taxidermist.

. . . you own every Box Car Willie album.

. . . you refer to your dog as your youngest.

. . . you select a date’s corsage to match her tattoo.

. . . you’re over 30 and still giving other people “wedgies.”

. . . you have three first names.

. . . your wife puts Bean-O on everything you eat.

. . . your dog rides in the front seat and your kids ride in the back.

. . . you taught your children how to play “Pull My Finger.”

. . . you own half a pickup truck.

. . . the church social committee is afraid to meet at your house.

. . . you own a trophy that includes the words “cow chip toss” on it.

. . . you’ve ever made love on a tire swing.

. . . the first question your mother asks upon checking into the motel is, “Where’s the nearest liquor store?”

. . . you show strangers your war wound.

. . . your mailing address includes the word “holler.”

. . . the Salvation Army comes to your house and takes the wrong furniture.

. . . there are antlers nailed to the outside of your house.

. . . you fill up the bathtub just to test out a fishing lure.

. . . your Thanksgiving centerpiece has ever been prepared by a taxidermist.

. . . you own every Box Car Willie album.

. . . you refer to your dog as your youngest.

. . . you select a date’s corsage to match her tattoo.

. . . you’re over 30 and still giving other people “wedgies.”

. . . you have three first names.

. . . turning on your lights involves pulling a string.

. . . you’ve ever water-skied in your underwear.

. . . you throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.

. . . your garbage man is confused about what stays and what goes.

. . . the hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.

. . . you think a dashboard is the best place to keep your hats.

. . . for your first anniversary you take your wife to dinner at the Wal-mart snack bar.

. . . you’ve ever slow danced at a Waffle House.

. . . you videotape fishing shows.

. . . you’ve ever had sex while wearing work gloves.

. . . there is more carpet on your toilet than on your floors.

. . . your wedding toast was made with a quart of Old Milwaukee.

. . . you hang pickled eggs and pop-tops from your Christmas tree.

. . . your chili’s secret ingredient comes from a bait shop.

. . . someone asks, “Where’s your bowling bag?” and you answer, “She’s at home with the kids.”

. . . your masseuse uses lard.

. . . your family’s #1 enemy is revenuers.

. . . your Christmas tree has a deer stand in it.

. . . when describing your kids, you use the phrase “dumb as a brick.”

. . . your favorite cap says, “Babymaker.”

. . you’ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

. . . you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

. . . you get Odor-Eaters as a Christmas present.

. . . you are allowed to bring your dog to work.

. . . chiggers are included on your list of top five hygiene concerns.

. . . the flood history of your area can be seen on your living room walls.

. . . your wife has been involved in more than six barroom brawls in the last two weeks.

. . . your wife has a set of earrings that you use as a fishing lure.

. . . you fish coins out of public fountains.

. . . your Grandma keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

. . . your neighbor has a refridgerator on his front porch stocked with beer so he won’t have to get off the sofa to welcome friends.

. . . you put a 5 dollar bill in a pop machine.

. . . you steal money from the Salvation Army buckets.

. . . you have ever been evicted from a place you own.

. . . you live in El Reno, Oklahoma.

. . . you stare at a can of orange juice, because it says “concentrate.”

. . . you take your wife to your mistress’s wedding.

. . . you use channel locks for a nose hair trimmer.

. . . it took you twenty years to figure out how to add single digit numbers.

. . . you spit in the skillet to check the temperature.


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