Embarrassing Medical Exams (Submitted By Doctors)
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
One day I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.’
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, ‘So how’s your breakfast this morning?’ It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,’ the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble withone of his medications. ‘Which one?’ I asked.’The patch. The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’ I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying anew one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
A man comes into the ER and yells, ‘My wife’s going to have her babyin the cab!’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ‘How long have you been bedridden?’ After a look of complete confusion she answered, ‘Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive.’
Submitted By An RN (No Name)
A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety oftattoos and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.When she was completely nude they noticed her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, ‘Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, ‘Sorry, had to mow the lawn.’
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly andslightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ‘Big breaths,’ I Instructed. ‘Yes, they used to be,’ replied the patient.
And, finally…
Dr. Wouldn’t Submit His Name
As a new, young MD doing his residency, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, ‘I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?’ She replied, ‘No, Doctor, but the song you were whistling was, ‘I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner”.
What'd You Think?
(142 votes, average: 4.49 out of 5)
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November 12th, 2008 at 5:36 am
These jokes are great! My question is aren’t doctors meant to keep this stuff confidential? even if they r fake they r funny.
October 30th, 2008 at 8:04 am
I think tisi was fine…this isn’t a college course or even high school for that matter…if you read it he/she was useing the correct there… think about it read it out loud… there is a pause between ‘there’ and the ‘lol funny’ anyways if this is what the world is coming to where we have to criticize people we don’t know then why even live? there are stupid people everywhere and if I had to try to comment on every stupid thing people did I think I would go insane! That and not to mention NO-one is perfect! so everyone get over yourselves and comment on the jokes not your peers.
I think these were all funny I especially liked the mow your grass one…funny s*&t there!
October 6th, 2008 at 10:25 am
the keep off the grass and pelvic exams was the best LMFAO
September 26th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I just wanna read funny jokes and laugh…. Is that too much to ask for?
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:11 am
WTF?! Okay there is god and no one cares about ur grammar here. It’s a website not a school!
September 21st, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Get a life
September 18th, 2008 at 10:14 am
lol tisi is a smart ass reject. prob got bullied in school
September 12th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
ALL OF YOU PEOPLE HAVE WAY TOO MUCH FREE TIME ON YOUR HANDS.
100 YEARS FROM NOW WHAT DIFFERENCE WILL ALL THIS S*IT MAKE.
NOW YOU’VE MADE ME WASTE 45 SECONDS OF MY LIFE I’LL NEVER GET BACK.
PUNCTUATE THAT!!
September 12th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
DOCTOR PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY?
September 12th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Dr. Steinberg should win for bad taste, Dr. Swanson for funniest–she may not have had it for 20 years but she still spends a lot of time thinking about it!
September 12th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Great post and quite funny too. I just couldn’t help but forward this to my friends!
September 12th, 2008 at 7:12 am
I wonder what happened to that doctor taking off the woman’s underwear in the cab.
September 12th, 2008 at 7:11 am
I wonder what happened with that doctor in the cab taking that woman’s underwear off.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Phil E. Drifter, I love your post.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:08 am
“they used to be” - muhahaaa
This sounds like a joke of Walter - one of Jeff Dunham’s doll
September 10th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
What the hell is the matter with you people. This grammer crap is stupid. Grammer should only be used in school or any other professional setting, so all of you stupid assholes who say shit on a f*cking humor website should just hop off.
September 8th, 2008 at 6:05 am
How ’bout this? You’re all f*cking stupid and there is no god. Get over it, learn to think critically, religions were started by people who were on drugs. You think Moses actually conversed with a burning bush that gave him god’s commandments? You better believe he was on drugs (probably peyote or psychedelic mushrooms, but there’s a plethora of drugs that grow quite naturally from the ground, like cannabis ['marijuana'] cocaine, etc) for that conversation to have happened.
And to whoever said the ending period (.) belongs outside the quotes, you’re a ‘tard. There’s nothing gramatically wrong with ‘ending a sentence with the period enclosed in the quotes.’
September 8th, 2008 at 2:57 am
Ok, if anyone tries to correct my grammar I will eat your face off and wear over mine. Also, when you are dead, I will steal your credit card and ID to steal all of your money.
Jo: not everyone believes in god, learn to say the word ass, and clearly, you cre just as much as everyone else
Tisi: oh my god! Why the hell did you have to start this? now for my arguments. anyone with a grade level of 1st grade knows the difference between all of the different “they’re” spellings
Alex: Michael never even implied that everyone’s first language was English, also, there is a thing called “text talk”
Ski: Snowboarding is much cooler,you don’t start a sentence with “and”, no, the “should” doesn’t need to be there
Beroya: finally someone realizes!
Tholaris: this site or the other one just copied it, photoshop is for, well, photos
Future viewers: I hope that you know I stumbled upon this page, and therefore, will never be revisiting to hear your crap.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:19 am
The above conversation is all photoshop. I saw it two weeks ago on some other pointless humor site.
-=Tholaris
September 6th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
bob; minor grammar points dealing with quotations vary by region. In some places your single or double rules are proper, but other groups sometimes use the opposite. You are correct though about the location of the comma, as it is not part of a quotation. Tipsi’s points about spelling are different, as each instance is a different word despite being homophones. Using one instead of the other is alright while speaking, but when written it is as bad as using berth for birth, or slay for sleigh.
Michael; I could understand what you wanted to come across, but it took far to much effort to sound out what you wrote. You make my brain cry.
September 6th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
I like the fact that 90% of the people who were critiqued in this thread probably never came back to see that someone was being anal about their grammar. So it never mattered anyway. And neither will this post. Yaayyy!
September 6th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Oh my word, do you people not have anything better to do then to criticize one another’s intelligence? I mean this is supposed to be a funny haha joke page! Not a I am a better speller then you are! It shows that you people are still in a grade school mind set and you need to worry more about what God will think of what you are then worry so much about spelling! WHO GIVES A FLYING RATS BUTT!!!!!!! If you are so worried go to a website where you are not going to find perfection!!! GET OVER YOURSELVES AND GROW UP! Enjoy life! You must lead extremely small lives if your worried about this kind of crap! YES CRAP!
September 6th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Stephen,
You should have placed a comma after the words ‘All of you’. Don’t is the correct grammatical usage. and the the end of the sentence should read ‘everybody should be so perfect’.
Sorry to be so critical !
September 6th, 2008 at 10:06 am
All of you quit being so critical !!!!! Just enjoy the humor ….. And dont demand that everybody be so perfect ….
September 6th, 2008 at 4:47 am
Tisi.
The comma after “somebody” should be outside the quotation marks.It’s also normal to use the double quotation marks only around speech.
Showing your intelligence I’m afraid.
September 6th, 2008 at 3:34 am
Hey Anon. Not everyone’s first language is the english one and some might just be learning it , so no , you can’t judge a person’s intelligence based on their comunication skills with a foreign language.
September 6th, 2008 at 12:18 am
Hey Michael. Language is for communication but as an intelligent human being
(I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt), one should still use proper grammar if they want to be taken seriously. There are enough stupid people on the internet and Tisi was just trying to make sure that there might be one less.
Funny post though.
September 5th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Hei Tipsi their’s no reqiurment to be ovar pedantic an annoyin. Langage is four comunnication. if u understod his mesage Then it did its job, Stop been so close mminded and stoopid.
September 5th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Hey “SOMEBODY,” your name doesn’t have to be in all caps, the “I” should be, and it’s “they’re”, not “there”. “They’re” means “they are”, but “there” indicates that you are talking about a place. In case you were wondering, “their” indicated that something belongs to a person or people.
That aside, funny post!
September 4th, 2008 at 6:23 am
Ha! The last one was the best.
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:19 am
i like the last two there lol funny