Drunk Poker
A man walked into a bar room one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks”. The bartender said, “No problem sir, but I’ll need to see some money first”. The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?”, asked the bartender. “I’m a professional gambler”, replied the man. The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?”. “Well, I only bet on sure things” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender. “Well, for example, I’ll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye.” The bartender thought about it. “OK”. So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it. “Aw, you screwed me”, said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50. “I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye” said the stranger. The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet”. So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye. “Aw, you screwed me again”. “That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in leiu of the $100″, said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The guy, drunk as a skunk, said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop”.
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “OK, you’re on”. The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me $500!”. The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s OK. I just bet each of the guys in the poker room $1000 that I could piss all over you AND the bar AND still make you laugh!”.
What'd You Think?
(104 votes, average: 4.44 out of 5)
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August 21st, 2007 at 6:06 am
funny bu haerd it b4 on the movie desperado
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm
i thought this was funny and i heard it but your site and jokes are still funny
August 24th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
heehee, pretty funny. but not so much.
August 26th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
HAHAHAHA YHHH..
Dats just not funni ..
September 6th, 2007 at 10:16 am
What isn’t funny is Melissa’s spelling and about 3/4 of the other people who reply to this website.
September 9th, 2007 at 4:51 am
pretty funny
October 5th, 2007 at 6:35 am
Hahaha that was really funny, great jokes on this site!
October 7th, 2007 at 8:51 am
thats just stupid, this joke has made the rounds to many times, not to mention the fact that this joke was totally ripped of from the movie desperado.
you watched the movie first didn’t you… didn’t you?
wow, you added the extra bits about the biting of the eye, you’re a genious, i mean just by adding a few bits to another old joke turns it into a completely new joke moreover it makes it completely compelling not to mention original.
October 7th, 2007 at 8:52 am
ps i was being sarcastic, just in case you was dumb enough not to realise that as well
October 13th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
kinda funny
October 13th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
haha i thought it was clever.
October 14th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
mellisa’s face is funny
October 22nd, 2007 at 10:20 am
haha! i actually thought it was pretty funny!
October 22nd, 2007 at 7:42 pm
jesse that was hillarious, ohh and I thought that joke was hillarious also
October 23rd, 2007 at 8:35 am
An ecxellent joke who cares what people still excellent.A bit hard to type while laughing. And Jesse and Jordan Just back off from Melissa okay and go and mind your own p’s and q’s
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:07 pm
ewww who would wanna eat there own eye it is totaly impossable i dont like it at all
October 30th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
haha i kant spwll tht woz a funni johke
i mean spell…
November 4th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
Funny i luv it i added to my site
i have jokes 2 check them out Josejoke.spruz.com or Jokejoke.8k.com
November 9th, 2007 at 10:41 am
dat was real wack.. it got boring!
November 21st, 2007 at 7:35 pm
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
died laughing
R.W.L(rest with laughter)
November 27th, 2007 at 3:13 am
Ha-ha-ha how lame to copycat other people’s jokes
December 24th, 2007 at 3:09 am
excuse me, but this joke was around BEFORE the movine desperado. and look, this site does not have all new jokes. there are some old ones. new jokes are just old jokes we have not heard before. dumbasses
July 17th, 2008 at 5:32 am
I love the movie desperado.