Diet FAQ

The other day I read a news report stating that about two-thirds of the US adult population ages 20 and older are considered overweight, that’s darnright scary. With all these fat people running around (well they’re probably not running, I usually see ’em riding those little motorized scooters around Wal-Mart), we put together a short Diet FAQ to help you make more smarter decisions.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO… Cocoa beans… another vegetable! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


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