Cops Say The Darndest Things

So you think you’re the only one who can be funny when getting pulled over by a cop? Well, in this edition, the police officer strikes back! All those cop jokes we’ve been posting have finally caught up to us, a police (or as he preferred to be called… peace) officer out of Nevada sent us this little list of things cops like say too…

  • “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on this ticket, huh?”
  • “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”
  • “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a dog or cat?”
  • “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
  • “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”
  • “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
  • “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
  • “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
  • “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
  • “Now exactly how big were those ‘Just two beers’ you had?”
  • “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
  • “I’m glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Paulk is a personal friend of yours. You know someone who can post your bail.”
  • “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.

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