Chuck Norris Facts
In case you didn’t know much about Chuck Norris, this is (for the most part) all you need to know. Of all the people on this world you could tick off, Mr. Norris shouldn’t be one of ‘em… These are some of the most popular Chuck Norris jokes on the net…
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Chuck norris is so tuff he has a 3rd fist in is beard
I think that micheal jakson wasn’t real it was just chuck norris with he’s head up his bum!
RANDOM!!LOL!!!
COME JOIN US AT DREWSCYBERWORLD.NET
Chuck Norris recognized the indipendence of Kosovo
Chuck Norris once shot down a plane with is fingers and said “bang”
Chuck Norris is so strong he once slamed a revolving door.
Chuck norris once visited virgin islands,after he left they are now called the islands.
ok everyone just LOVES chuck norris. first i want you people to know that chuck norris is never a fact he’s a joke! as you can see im not a chuck norris fan but i have a joke
IF YOU CANT TICKLE CHUCK NORRIS WHO CAN….CHUCK NORRIS CAN
Chuck norris can go through airport security without being humiliated…
* when chuck norris was shot by a tank, the shell comes out the rear end…
* when chuck norris goes fishing, fish jumps into the boat themselves, cleaned
and ready to be eaten…
* an adult anaconda swallowed chuck norris when he was 11 years old.
but after suffering from acute indigestion the giant reptile spit him out in
in 2006, and apologized…
* the reason why osama bin ladin keeps on hiding, its because of chuck norris…
* when chuck norris dies, he will be reborn the next day. wearing the same jeans
* when chuck norris was drafted in the us army, he refused to go unless
muhammed ali does…
* when the iraqis realized that chuck norris is coming, they decided to blow
themselves up rather than be roundhouse kicked in the face…
chuck norris hat, is a cover for his steel head.
I visited chuck norris home, once I’m inside, I noticed a huge jar full of white corn seeds. I asked him if I could have some but he said no. after a while he said, you cant have them’ those were teeth!
only chuck norris can sunbath in a rainstorm…
when going abroad, chuck norris need not go to airport, the plane picks him up on the way…
chuck norris was the youngest person to be prosecuted for attempted manslaughter. he almost killed a doctor when he roundhouse kicked him in the face. he misjudged it when the doctor pulled his head during his birth!
the case was dismissed. He’s minor…
when bruce lee beats chuck norris during their fight in china, bruce lee realized he shouldn’t have done that, he got so scared and fled to the US…
when bruce lee came to know that chuck norris is out looking for him, he died of heart attack…
here’s abig secret,there’s something we don’t know about traffic lights in all texas. red, amber and green lights can change colors when chuck norris approaching…
*chuck norris pulls over police
*jesus walks on water chuck norris swims on land
* when chuck norris goes shopping, he’s paid for all the items he takes…
* if you want to wake up the next morning, dont dream of chuck norris…
* to avoid dreaming of chuck norris, call him before you sleep, say you’re
sorry…
* chuck norris is so tough, he can breath in a room full of pakistanis…
* the only time I remembered chuck norris vomited, that when he got out from a
plane at mumbai airport…
* chuck norris is being blamed along with someone for mount pinatubo
eruption in 1990, the guy told him bruce lee is hiding inside the crater!
*
* chuck norris eats eight ostrich eggs for breakfast!
* bruce lee found chuck norris weakness when he pulled chuck’s chest hair…
and it was the only time I saw chuck norris cry!
* saddam hussain was not gay until he heard the name chuck norris…
* the chicken in KFC are bought from chuck norris’s farm…
* goodyear tire company supplies chuck norris’s chewing gum…
* chuck norris always carry haystack in his truck, to feed 1,000 horses under its
hood…
CHUCK NORRIS THINKS HE HAS NEVER LOST A TOOTH…NO MIRROR WANTED TO TAKE THE RISK OF EXPERIENCING THE ROUND HOUSE KICK
CHUCK NORRIS SLEEPS WITH A PILLOW UNDER HIS GUN!!!
CHUCK NORRIS DONT WAIT FOR THE SUNRISE…THE SUN WAITS FOR HIM TO WAKE UP
ONCE CHUCK NORRIS CALLED HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HER HUSBAND ANSWERED THE PHONE REFUSING TO CAL THE GIRL…THATS WHEN THE HUSBAND FOUND OUT THAT THE ROUND HOUSE KICK COULD BE DONE OVER THE PHONE!
chuck norris once invited to attended a marriage ceremony. the groom asked him if he could sleep with his wife on the first night of their honeymoon. the groom also said, he want a son just like chuck norris!
“are you nuts?” said chuck. “I can’t do that’ I just divorced her!”
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
chuck norris knows if an orange is sweet or not without tasting them.
he gives to you and say “tell me!”
if chuvk norris hit you you’d have to fight the urge to thank him
chuck norris can speak french in russian
the first 15 min of saving privat ryan is loosy based off of a dodge ball game chuck norris played in the third grade
*there were no survivors
Chuck Norris invented the wetnap when he picked up a paper towel and it pissed itself
I noticed that most of the submitted funny jokes on “chuck norris facts” are repeat of already published originals. I ask those who wants to submit their jokes and comment to be more creative and imaginative. it doesn’t matter if yours are corny or offensive. a joke once a joke is a joke! so beat others with more original chuck norris’s jokes…
watch out, chuck norris is watching you. and you. you too… etc
one full moon, count dracula was stalking the fist man he saw. it was dark so it was easy for him to pounce on the man he was following. he wrapped his vest around his would be victim and said, “before I suck you, tell me you name” surprised, the man answered “I am chuck norris, who the hell are you!” out of his fear the squirming dracula muttered, “my name is batman and I’m looking for robin”
Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird
Chuck Norris has been skydiving, but only once. We only need one Grand Canyon.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.
Chuck Norris never pays taxes. He simply mails a picture of his fist to the government.
They tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it didn’t work because Chuck Norris doesn’t take crap from anybody.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris blows bubbles out of beef jerky.
Chuck Norris doesn’t hate Chris, nor does he love Raymond.
Chuck Norris can’t love. He can only refrain from killing.
When Chuck Norris’s daughter lost her virginity, Chuck Norris went and got it back.
Whenever you ask Chuck Norris the time, he always says “two seconds ’til.” When you ask him two seconds “til what, he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
chuck norris masterbates with a sledgehammer
Did you know that the ninja turtles are real?
Once Chuck Borris ate 4 turtles in a weird restaurant, and when he pooped them in the bathroom they knew Kung Fu and could walk in 2 feet and talk.
Chuck Norris Weightlifts weightlifters while their weightlifting
Cuck Norris is capable of squeezing orange juice with his bare hands….. out of an apple
When life hands Chuck Norris Lemons, Chuck Norris kicks life in the face till life learns it’s lesson
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a passport. He decides which country he’s living in.
chuck norris has no reflection in the mirror, because his reflection is too afraid to face him face to face
chuck norris doesnt need a GPS, he makes his own way
chuck norris is the only man who ever beat a brick wall at table tennis..
Chuck norris clogs the toilet when he pees
When Chuck Norris plays chess stalemate is impossible.
Time waits for Chuck Norris.
Universe is expanding because it is running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris know were Elvis is Hiding.
It is believed that if Jim Carrey and Eddie Murphy stared in one movie the world would explode the only way to stop it is to use Chuck Norris.
Chuck norris knows victoria’s secret.
The reason why there is no life on mars is because chuck norris has been there.
Chuck norris once ate a whole reel of rice paper and a few hours later he shat out origami swans.
Chuck norris is the only person who can email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck norris once drank a red bull and instead of getting wings, he got another fist.
“Mobile telephony and Internet is a huge benefit.” Chuck Norris admits. he no longer come face to face with opponents’ he just log on to any website, open his link, and there he goes!
he can roundhouse kicks you online, sms with gunshots, or even knocks you out while chatting!
* Chuck Norris’s poops are the main ingredients of the STINK BOMB!
* Chuck Norris urine is the alternative propellant for the space shuttle
* Chuck Norris has four more testicles. you’ll find them in his feet and fists
* Women who dreamed of Chuck Norris, have no idea who their kid’s father was!
* Only Chuck Norris can impregnated a man!
if jesus walks on water chuck norris swims thrugh land
the universe isnt expanding its just running away from chuck norris
The Aztec civilization erected a monument to demonstrate their love for Chuck Norris, the proportions were off by a single centimeter, Chuck got mad civilizations were lost.
Steven Hawking once bumped into Chuck Norris.. Don’t bump into Chuck Norris
one time chuck norris lost an thumbwresling compatition 2 MR T and in turn chuck norris created racicism
A crazy mountain man once told Chuck Norris that he bet Chuck could squeal like a pig, before he finished saying pig he started squealing himself, Chuck didn’t even bother taking his pants off.
Chuck Norris broke all the rules of fight club, then all the bones.
hunters wear orange because Chuck Mistakes any other color as a signal to attack
Chuck Norris colors his boots in permanent marker before he delivers permanent ass whoopings
Chuck Norris doesn’t have unconditional love, only uncondtional pain