Chuck Norris Facts
In case you didn’t know much about Chuck Norris, this is (for the most part) all you need to know. Of all the people on this world you could tick off, Mr. Norris shouldn’t be one of ‘em… These are some of the most popular Chuck Norris jokes on the net…
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Chuck Norris’s Blood Type is D.O.A
Chuck Norris once visited Nagasaki on August 9, 1945…….There were no
survivors
Chuck Norris has been dead for 20 years… The grim reaper is just too scared to tell him.
Check Norris once went for a walk in the park, he saw his friend Mr. T. and they went down town to play some cards, they began to tell racist jokes, Norris told black jokes an Mr. T told white jokes (yes there are white jokes) when some Mexicans walked in….there were no survivors
Clark Kent once entered a Superman look-alike competition.
He came Third after Chuck Norris & Mr.T.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked Australia and broke off the bottom tip. That land mass became Tasmania.
Willis has eventually told Arnold what he was talking about.
Now Arnold is in hospital fighting for his life with a head injury.
Coincidence? I don’t think so.
“Willis has eventually told Arnold what he was talking about.
Now Arnold is in hospital fighting for his life with a head injury.
Coincidence? I don’t think so.”
not cool man.
Chuck Norris jumped into the sea, he doesn’t drown, the sea does
Chuck Norris can dribble a football
Chuck noris donsnt get ashy he gets really shiney
When Chuck Norris speaks, he makes a new language. Chuck Norris refers to himself in the fourth person.
If you were to say his name while driving, your car would automatically boost 5 mph.
Sound waves don’t bounce… they just get kicked around by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris visited Pluto and was displeased with what he saw….hence it is no longer a planet.
If a werewolf bites you, you become a werewolf…..if Chuck Norris bites a werewolf, it becomes his lunch.
Chuck Norris once made a rock pile in his backyard…we now refer to it as “Mount Everest”.
i love d**K..mmmmm mm
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
chuck norris had a staring contest with the sun and won
chuck norris won the game twice (btw you just lost the game)
mike hawk is a fagit
chuck norris is the reason big foot is hiding
jesus could walk on water,well chuck norris could swim on land.
chuck norris doesn’t have sperm,just little ninjas.
you know kids where super man pj’s? well superman wears chuck norris pj’s’
chuck norris could run around the world and puch himself in the back of his head.
chuck norris counted too infinity…twice!
they once made chuck norris toilet paper, only problem is it woudn’t take crap from nobody!
a rattlesnake one bit chuck norris in the leg…. after 3 excruciating days later the snake died’
chuck norris could squeeze orange juice from a banana
Q: what came first the chicken or the egg?
A: Chuck Norris
chuck norris can set ants on fire with a magnifing glass… at night!
it is said that chuck norris’s tears can cure cancer…. too bad he never cries
In the begining there was nothing
this is a lie
cuz chuck norris has always existed
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light on not because he is afraid of the dark but the dark is afraid of him. He is also the only person that can kick you on the back side of your face.
Chuck Norris ended pi
i google Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked and google got its ass kicked!!
chuck norris made the first giraffe buy uppercutting a horse!!!!!
the dos equis guy was the most instresting man in the world until he got round house kicked to the face by chuck norris.
the day hitler died was the day chuck norris was born
osama bin ladden is hidding because he stole chuck norris’s beard
Chuck Noris is so tough he can win conect 4 in 3 moves
the reason there are 7 continents is because Chuck Norris Roundhouse-kicked pangea
Chuck Norris can play Russian Roulette with a full revolver and win
god can walk on water chuck norris can swim on land
Chuck Norris once killed a corpse
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
Chuck Norris doesn’t drink Carlsberg, but if he did…
football was created when chuck norris threw a pig
every time you masturbate, chuck norris punches a mexican baby in the face
Chuck Norris is the reason Forrest Gump keeps on running.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
dude i LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! chuck norris
In imaginary time, Chuck Norris bounds the universe.
Schrödinger’s Cat actually dies before the observation if Chuck Norris is going to do it.
Chuck Norris swallows blackholes.
Chuck Norris knows position and momentum with arbitrary precision.
Dark matter is just normal matter trying to hide from Chuck Norris.
Feynman discovered that positrons can be explained as electrons with a inverted polarity traveling back through time: they are created when Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks electrons in the future.
Chuck Norris violates the rules of thermodinamics. Then he smokes a cigarette, flips them over and goes in for seconds.
Light can’t escape Chuck Norris: the image you see of him is actually his event horizon.
When chuck norris does a push up, he doesnt push himself up, he pushes the earth down.
Chuck Norris used to play professional baseball during that time he hit 4 homeruns, he soon quit playing when he discovered he killed 4 people.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter
Rock….. Paper….. ……………. Chuck Norris! I WIN!
Chuck Norris once visited Arizona and took a piss. The place is now known as the Grand Canyon.
Santa claus once went down Chuck Norris’s chimney………. wrong f**king chimney.