Chuck Norris Facts
In case you didn’t know much about Chuck Norris, this is (for the most part) all you need to know. Of all the people on this world you could tick off, Mr. Norris shouldn’t be one of ‘em… These are some of the most popular Chuck Norris jokes on the net…
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mr t once beat chuck norris in a arm wrestling contest, invertenly chuck norris invented racism
Once Chuck Norris was hiking in the woods when a Black Mamba bit him in the thigh. After 30 hours of excruciating pain, the mamba died.
Chuck Norris was doing a girl in the back of his truck and a little jizz slipped out and landed on the truck… That truck is now known as MEGATRON!!
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pisses. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, they are now called the islands.
aaaah. The truck is not MEGATRON its OPTIMUS PRIME. its very funny anyway
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in man slaughter
Remember that beer commercial on the radio? The most interesting man in the world is Chuck Norris.
Not hope dies last, Chuck norris does.
when chuck norris does push ups, he doesnt push himself up..he pushes the ground down
Chuck Norris went skydiving once thats why we olny have 1 Grand Canyon
Chuck norris’s daughter lost her virginity, And he got it back
When little kids check under their bed for the boogie monster, the boogie monster checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Lighting doesn’t strike twice in the same place, because it knows Chuck Norris goes looking for it.
When Chuck Norris is late, time BETTER slow down.
Chuck Norris didn’t loose his baby tooth, his Baby tooth lost its way to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stares the words down untill he gets the information.
When You have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, he is richer than you.
Chuck Norris’s tears can cure Cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry, ever.
I made this one up. Chuck Norris was originally in Mortal Kombat. The developers were forced to take him out, because Chuck is no mortal.
Chuck Norris was the first black president.
Chuck Norris made a mistake. He thought he was wrong.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Oh, wait. I forgot, Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris is Helen Keller’s favorite color.
Just made these two up. Chuck Norris is the reason cats are down to one life.
Kenny keeps coming back to life, because Chuck doesn’t let his fans die.
Only Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret.
I used to watch Chuck Norris movies in the 80’s, and I enjoyed them, even though I never thought Chuck was a good actor(I only watched them for the action)but I will never understand how in the hell did these Chuck Norris jokes catch on! I guess I just don’t get it!
A meteor didn’t wipe out the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris did.
chuck norris can make a snowman out of rain
I beat chuck norris!
chuck norris is so weak that i pissed on his head and he started crying! yes that is how weak he is!!!!!!!!!!!!
When in Rome…Chuck Norris does whatever the heck he wants!!
Chuck norris run windows vista off his etcha sketch
chuck norris can bench press your mom
no nick it was chuck norris peed in your mouth in front of your friends and parents and you had ran home crying because your parents s didnt want you to smell up thier car
some one touchs something and nothing happened chuck touched something and it turned to gold
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
Coffee needs Chuck Norris to stay awake. Oxygen need Chuck Norris to live. Food needs Chuck Norris to survive. Chuck Norris never has a bad day, bad days have a Chuck Norris… round house kick to the head.
I share a birthday with Chuck Norris. He has his birthday anytime he wants.
Chuck Norris eats steel for breakfast and sh*ts out a tool shed before lunch.
Chuck Norris decided to beat up the pope. The pope prayed to god that he spare him. Pope John Paul The Second died an Atheist. ( made that one up )
Chuck Norris is the reason the monsteres hide in little kids closets.
Chuck Norris has to stay active during the day. If he is forced to kill time…it stays dead.
chuck norris is gayer than ur mom when she is licking your aunts clit
Chuck Norris can make gold out of Air.
Chuck Norris is so cute they named the BoogeyMan after him.
Chuck Norris is the only thing known to man that is able to swallow himself alive.
Chuck Norris used to have a small centipede named the electric train.
Chuck Norris can catch up with Nemesis yesterday.
(Made all of this up myself)
chuck norris handcuffed lightning and threw thunder in jail
made this one up
someone told me chuck norris died so my friend said
Chuck Norris has been dead for 20 years. Death is just too afraid to tell him
The big bang was a result of Chuck Norris’s fart
chuck norris can find a needle in a haystack.
chuck got a sex doll pregnant
Chuck Norris does not watch TV, TV watches him.
When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he makes grape juice out of it.
All your base don’t belong to us, all your base are belong to Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris made a spelling error, the dictionary would change.
When Chuck Norris threw out the first pitch at a ballgame, he pitched a perfect game.
Chuck Norris’s conception was immaculate.
Chuck Norris won The Game 8 times in a row, a record.
(all above mine)
Chuck Norris doesnt need to run, the World just moves to him.
Chuck Norris can cut diamonds only using his chin.
If we can harness the power of Chuck Norris, the World would explode.
Chuck Norris completed the Impossible Quiz in 30 seconds.
If he could be bothered, Chuck Norris could crack the DaVinci Code.
There is no life on Mars, Chuck Norris has already been there.
Made this up: A Chuck Norris love scene is one where he lets his enemy live.
Made this up: A Chuck Norris love scene is one where he lets his enemy live. No pornos for Chuck Norris!!!
Most ninjas want to be like chuck Norris when they get older
Maradonna uses the hand of God. God uses the hand of Chuck Norris.
made this up
chuck norris puts baby in a corner
A Bullet Isnet a Peice of metal,Its a Mini Chuck Norris Doing a Roundhousekick
When Chruck Norris farts, AL Gore calls it global worming!
when Chuck noris died he whent to heven and God sed he had a sit nexed to his throne and chuck noris said excuse me but i think you are siting in MY seat
@JayJay – No..Chuck Norris can find the Hay in a Needlestack!!