In case you didn’t know much about Chuck Norris, this is (for the most part) all you need to know. Of all the people on this world you could tick off, he’s not the one you should… things like Chuck not actually writing books, that the words assemble themselves out of fear - hardcore stuff. Enjoy!
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris”
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.
Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
What'd You Think?
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Chuck Norris Facts was written by F&J Staff on Monday, July 2nd, 2007 at 2:33 pm. It was filed under Other Stuff.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the Comments RSS feed. You may also be interested in reading , Captain Falcon Facts, Jack Bauer Facts, Mr. T Facts, Did You Know?, Proof Of Jesus’ Ethnicity.
(219 votes, average: 4.22 out of 5)
July 9th, 2007 at 4:08 am
it’s close between chuck norris and bear grills
August 15th, 2007 at 12:09 am
Chuck Norris knows what ryhmes with orange.
September 14th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Nice job. I was wondering if I could send my own joke in though. Maybe something like,” When Chuck Norris gets his groove on, he doesn’t break dance, he breaks bones.” or ” Scientists have determined that Chuck Norris is nothing like a vacumm, which happens to have two options. Suck and blow.” or “Chuck Norris can fly. Not like a bird but more like a hovercraft.”
October 4th, 2007 at 11:27 am
Chuck norris trains armies just to beat them up.
October 11th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
“Chuck Norris once went to Greece, 9 months later 300 spartans were born.” we got bored in math class…..
October 11th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
“Chuck Norris can solve a rubix cube in one move, no matter how mixed up it is. His method, he uses a roundhouse kick” Bad joke, but as if I care
October 14th, 2007 at 4:39 am
When oberserving a Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that he actually rapes his victim in the ass, has a smoke with Dennis Leary, then roundhouse kicks them. - lol… my favourite
October 17th, 2007 at 3:25 am
chuck norris once had sex on the hood of a mack truck , afterwards some of his semen dripped into the engine block. this is how Optimus Prime was born.
October 21st, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Chuck Norris is a former #1 draft pick in the NFL. He immediately retired when they told him in training camp that a round house kick to the face was not a legal method of tackling. Enraged, he cursed the franchise to never ever make the playoffs. We know them as the Detroit Lions.
October 23rd, 2007 at 2:20 pm
If you stabbed chuck norris with a sword, he would live long enough to kill you, your family, everyone you know, everyone they know. By the time he was done, humans would be extinct.
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:32 pm
My favorite is : Whenever the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
October 24th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
chuck norris doesnt wear a condom, because thers no protection from chick norris
October 25th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
chuck norris invented by a round house kick so hard that the guys bones were doomed to walk earth and capture more poor souls that chuck has killed since then
October 26th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
chuck norris counted till infinity …..twice
October 26th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
Jesus Christ prays to Chuck Norris before he goes to bed every night.
October 26th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Jesus Christ prays to Chuck Norris before he goes to bed every night…
October 27th, 2007 at 7:37 am
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
these are my favourites
October 28th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Chuck Noris once widdled in a field, we know call this field the grand canyon.
Chuck Noris’ can cure cancer, too bad he never cries.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
I love the detroit lions one, so true lol
October 31st, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
November 1st, 2007 at 11:37 am
chuck norris can hit u so hard u would think the redsox were a good team
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Once while having sex in a trailor tractor, part of Chuck Norris’ sperm escaped and got into the engine. We know this truck as Optimus Prime.
November 3rd, 2007 at 8:58 pm
when chuck norris gets stabbed, the knife bleeds
when chuck norris looks at the sun, the sun goes blind
chuck norris had a staring contest with god, and god blinked
chuck norris started and ended world war II
chuck norris doesn’t grow, everything else shrinks
chuck norris called 911, backwards
November 6th, 2007 at 2:45 am
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man so hard he flew through the light spectrum,
twenty-five years later Michael Jackson still complains of severe headaches and intense hallucinations.
November 9th, 2007 at 9:07 am
Chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
Little miss muffet sat on a tuffet, until chuck norris came and round house kicked her off of it.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:23 am
jesus can walk on water but chuck norris can walk on jesus
November 14th, 2007 at 11:24 am
chuck norris is actually gay
November 14th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
chuck norris went to the virgin islands when he left they were just the islands
November 15th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
There are no such things as lesbians, they are just girls who haven’t met women yet.
Chuck Norris isn’t actually gay, he’s just run out of women.
Chuck Norris Doesn’t consider it sex if the woman lives.
Three of my favourites
November 16th, 2007 at 3:11 am
Do you know where the devil goes when he dies??? I don’t, but Chuck Norris does… he has been there and back again… twice
November 16th, 2007 at 3:16 am
Or… Version II
Do you know where the Devil goes when he dies??? I don’t, but I bet it is something like a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face for eternity
November 16th, 2007 at 10:17 am
chuck norris can win a game of connect 4 in 3 turns.
chuck norris can make a snow man out of rain.
when bruce banner gets mad he turns into the hulk, when the hulk gets mad he turns into chuck norris.
3 of my favourites =D
November 16th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving Door.
Chuck Norris Doesnt wear a watch, he decides the time.
Chuck Norris has taken the show Law and Order to court claiming those are the names of his left and right legs.
November 16th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
Chuck norris doesnt wear a condom, there is no such thing is protection from CHUCK NORRIS
November 16th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Chuck norris
November 16th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Chuck Norris once shot down a plane be pointing his finger at it and saying, “BANG”
Chuck Norris once ate a Rubics cube and a week later it came out solved
November 17th, 2007 at 1:28 am
one time chuck norris banged a super model after he was done she wasnt so super anymore
chuck norris doesnt throw up he throws down
chuck norris can say nigga and not be afraid of getting jumpped
chuck norris can neer die but he can go to sleep permanently and wake up as if he arised from a long sleep
November 18th, 2007 at 2:12 am
When Chuck Norris jumps in the water he doesnt get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised
November 18th, 2007 at 10:25 pm
chuck norris can travel through time he used this power to catch the bullet ment for JFK the president was so shocked his head blew up
November 19th, 2007 at 1:23 am
Ok whoever is like making up jokes that dont even make sense. ur a retard go die in a hole where chuck norris lives. that could be any hole in the world. so go die in it looser. theres a squirrel beside me its stuffed. It used to be living and then I started reading these jokes. it heard the name Chuck Norris and decided to stuff itself to save some pain. Chuck Norris’ favorite flavor of pie is Chuck Norris Flavor or he will also enjoy the occasional Round House Kick Flavor. Im scared to try it. Chuck Norris’ ipod has every picture ever taken except for the fact that he photoshopped them to have himself in the picture roundhouse kicking everything in the picture. Thats all true except for the fact that chuck norris didnt photoshop himself into the picture he actually did it
November 19th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
noah was the only one told b4 chuck norris relieved himself in the atlantic ocean
November 19th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
the world stoped spinning once-chuck norris roundhoused kicked it back into orbit
November 19th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
that guy who was hating on chuck norris you better hope i dont meet you or ill kill you
November 19th, 2007 at 9:18 pm
I love Chuck Norris Facts.
Did you know, Snapple says that there is no word in the english language that ryhmes with mouth, Chuck norris could find it, buy he doesn’t need to. He’ll just MAKE a word.
November 20th, 2007 at 11:07 am
umm acutally if you type chuck norris getting his ass kicked into google a BUNCH of results show upp….
November 20th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
chuck norris died 5 years ago ….. but the grim reper is to afraid to tell him
November 20th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Chuck Norris’s hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush. =O
November 20th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
guns dont kill people chck norris does
supercagifralilistic espiala chuck norris
if you do spell chuck norris in scrabble you win forever
a few of my favorites
November 20th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
chuck norris knows how to do roundhouse kick
November 20th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
giraffes didnt exist until chuck norris uppercutted a horse
November 20th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
jesus walked on water, chuck norris swims though land!
November 21st, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He just stares them down until they give him the answers that he wants.
November 22nd, 2007 at 11:04 am
theres no such thing as global warming, its just Chuck Norris farting
November 22nd, 2007 at 11:32 am
Chuck norris doesnt stop for traffic, traffic stop’s for chuck norris
November 22nd, 2007 at 5:02 pm
chuck norris isn’t hung like a horse, the horse is hung like chuck norris.
November 22nd, 2007 at 11:16 pm
Chuck Norris Laughes at the thought of death
November 24th, 2007 at 2:16 am
Chuck Norris doesnt get frostbite,Chuck Norris bites the frost
November 24th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
chuck norris once threw a rock into outerspace hence the black hole
November 25th, 2007 at 4:23 am
The Holy Bible was originally called “Norris and Friends”
November 25th, 2007 at 11:49 pm
Chuck Norris is so tough Jesus wears a WWCND (What would Chuck Norris do?) bracelet
November 26th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Chuck Norris would never die of a heart attack , because his heart is too foolish to ever try and attack Chuck Norris.
November 26th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
chuck norris masterbates with a hammer
November 26th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
When you hear a baby crying it’s actually Chuck Norris in an invisible suit smacking it with a brick.
If your hearing voices in your head, BE AFRAID! It’s Chuck Norris talking through a fan telling you to kill yourself.
When Chuck Norris goes out to eat, he orders a whole chicken….. but he only eats its soul.
The best part of waking up in the morning is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill you in your sleep.
November 26th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
there are 2 kinds of people in the world…people that suck, and Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the only person able to kick you in the back of your face.
Brokeback Mountain isnt just a movie. It is also a pile of dead ninjas in Chuck Norris’ front yard.
November 27th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
November 27th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Chuck Norris doesnt give Christmas gifts, if you live to see Christmas, it is a gift.
November 27th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land. >D
November 28th, 2007 at 12:24 am
Chuck Norris is so hardcore that when he fought Bruce Lee. He round house kicked Bruce to the face and the whole continent of Asia was slant eyed. Ooooooooh…
November 28th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
November 28th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Chuck Norris is laaaaame
November 28th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
when countries go to war there prefered weapon of choice is Chuck Norris.
November 28th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
there are no weapons of mass destruction in iraq. Chuck norris lives in oklahoma
November 28th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Jesus is the son of God but God is the son of Chuck Norris
November 28th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
chuck norris is darth vader’s father
chuck norris is the reason why glaciers run, not move
the girl from “the ring” watched a chuck norris video and died 7 days later
i made those up i can make you some email me at conovia9@hotmail.com
November 28th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
When Jacki Chan and Jet Li got in a fight. The winner was Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris rips Asians in half.
November 28th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Chuck Norris and Kano from Mortal Kombat got in a fight once. Chuck Norris round house kicked Kano imprinting a foot mark on his face.
November 28th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
chuck norris is like god he is every where
bullets dont hit chuck norris, chuck norris hts bullets
there are 4 sides to christ the fauther the son the holy spirit and chuck norris
there are 3 sides to the force the light side the dark side and the chuck norris
November 29th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
MADE THESE UP A WHILE AGO… I WOULD LIKE SOME FEEDBACK… amoosefraul@yahoo.com
chuck norris once stared at the moon so long, he left a facial imprint.
jesus didn’t turn water into wine. chuck norris punched the water and made it bleed.
November 29th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Chuck Norris once had sex with an entire covent of nuns. They gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only unbeaten team in football history.
November 30th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It’s descendants are now known as giraffes.
November 30th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
…all of you are telling CN facts but your spelling them wroung man thats strange
December 1st, 2007 at 3:37 am
1 Superman wears a pair of Chuck norris pajamas!!
2 chuck norris once won a game of connect four in 3 moves
3 the leading hand sanitizers kills 99.9% of germs… chuck norris kills 100% of whatever the **** he wants!!!
4 jesus can walk on water…but chuck norris can swim on land!
5 chuck norris doesn’t do push ups…he does earth downs!
6 theres no such thing as cancer… only people who have came across CN!!!
JUST A FEW FAVORITES… my person fav..#2
December 1st, 2007 at 5:04 am
Chuck Norris can pop a wheelie on a unicycle
December 1st, 2007 at 5:21 am
most earthquakes are caused by chuck norris farting.
December 1st, 2007 at 5:22 am
most earthquakes are caused by chuck norris farting.
jeannie did chuck norris. =]]]
December 1st, 2007 at 3:56 pm
1. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
2. Chuck Norris drives and ice cream truck covered in human skulls
3. Chuck norris lost his virginity before his father
December 1st, 2007 at 3:59 pm
if you don’t know who your father is - it’s Chuck Norris
December 1st, 2007 at 9:05 pm
chuck norris is so cool, winter gets cold when he walks by
December 1st, 2007 at 9:05 pm
chuck norris rocks, harder then a boulder
December 1st, 2007 at 9:05 pm
chuck norris can eat carmel, 10 days later, he craps it out twix
December 1st, 2007 at 9:06 pm
chuck norris once found a unicorn, he roundhoused the horn off and now its a horse
December 1st, 2007 at 9:06 pm
chuck norris feels no pain, pain feels chuck norris
December 1st, 2007 at 9:07 pm
mr t aint got nothin on chuck norris
December 1st, 2007 at 9:08 pm
chuck norris CAN give a damn
December 1st, 2007 at 9:09 pm
chuck norris CAN believe its not butter
December 1st, 2007 at 9:09 pm
chuck norris makes babies… with his fists
December 1st, 2007 at 9:09 pm
chuck norris is chuck norris.. unless its chuck norris
December 1st, 2007 at 9:19 pm
Chuck Norris can eat 40 Motrins at once and crap out a Percocet.
December 2nd, 2007 at 8:58 pm
There is no life on Mars because Chuck Norris got there first
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to the JFK assasination. He then jumped in front of the bullets and deflected them with his beard. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement
December 2nd, 2007 at 8:59 pm
chuck norris is ma homeboy
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Chuck Norris watches Oprah. When i say watches, i mean roundhouse kick, and when i say oprah, i mean babies
December 4th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
CHUCK NORRIS PUTS THE FUN IN FUNERAL AND THE LAUGHTER IN MANSLAUGHTER.
December 6th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Chuck Norris is so tough he eats nails, so bad he walks on fire, and so cool that he craps ice-cream
December 6th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
God wanted to be assured that noone found or entered the garden of Eden so he let Chuck Norris keep it in his back yard.
December 6th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
-Chuck Norris can cook a one minute egg in ten seconds.
-Chuck Norris does not fear death. Death fears Chuck Norris.
Eh, that’s a couple I made up =P
December 6th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t walk, he floats!
Chuck Norris doesn’t run, he appears!
I MADE THOSE UP!:p
December 6th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Chuck Norris’ face was going to be on mount rushmore, but the granite wasn’t hard enough for his beard.
Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter, he rounhouse kicks a cow and the butter comes straight out!
Chuck Norris doesn’t pay taxes, he just sends blank forms with pictures of him croutched and ready to attack. He has never had to pay taxes!
December 8th, 2007 at 9:26 am
When Chuck Norris cums sperm whales are born
Chuck Norris craps dark matter, its juat a shame Chuck Norris nevers craps!
Chuck Norris and cut steel with his finger nails
Chuck Norris once uses absinthe as mouthwash
December 8th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago, but the grim reaper hasn’t gotten up the courage to tell him yet.
December 8th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Some kids piss their name into snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
December 9th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
During the Birth of Christ, Chuck Norris was the fourth wiseman. He gave Jesus the gift of “Beard”
December 9th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Chuck Norris can easily squeeze orange juice from a bannana
December 9th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
The last didgit of pi is “Chuck Norris”. He is the end of everything
December 9th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
If you have 5 dollars and so does Chuck Norris, he has more money than you
December 9th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month.As a result,they bleed for a week.
Chuck Norris does his grocery shopping at Home Depot
Chuck Norris doesn’t teabag,he potato sacks
my favs
December 10th, 2007 at 12:58 am
Chuck Norris was the one who sued Disney for subliminal sex messages. He acused them of making an exact replica of his cock and setting it as sultan’s palace showed in the movie Aladdin. Chuck Norris didn’t do this out of goodness, he did it because they did not pay any royalties to him, which he recovered when he roundhouse kicked the money out of them. And when I say sued, he round house kicked them in the face so hard, it caused the death of Walt Disney.
I made that up! he he ;p
December 10th, 2007 at 2:46 am
These are a few i made up……
Chuck Norris is better than sliced bread.
Chuck Norris killed Tupac and Biggie.
Roswell is where Chuck Norris’ frisbee landed, he threw it from Jupiter.
God crosses himself everytime he passes a Church of Chuck Norris.
There is no such thing as an atheist. Everybody believes in Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris DID have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinski
Chuck Norris considers Mount Everest a bunny slope.
December 11th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
One day, Chuck Norris decided that he didn’t like rainbows. After a few roundhouse kicks, the rainbows were changed. The new colors are: red, red, red ,red ,red, red, and red.
If you rewatch the Matrix, you will notice that Keanu Reeves isn’t the One. He’s the two, right next to Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can’t do pushups. He always ends up pushing the earth down.
If Chuck Norris could beat anyone, what would happen if he was cloned?
December 12th, 2007 at 2:19 am
Chuck Norris was about to send an email when he realized it’d be faster to run
December 12th, 2007 at 2:21 am
The Great Wall of China is the only man-made object that can be seen from outer space. Chuck Norris is the only man that can be seen from outer space.
December 12th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Chuck Norris didnt go to college, college went to Chuck Norris!
Chuck norris once counted to infinity, twice!
Chuck Norris didnt fax the letter to tim teebo, he scared the letters to faxing themselves!
n25_eagles@hotmail.com
December 15th, 2007 at 8:22 am
chuck norris has the best poker face in the world, he once won the 1988 world poker tour finals despite having only a joker, a christmas card a 2 of clubs, a fight club membership card and a green 1 card from the game uno.
December 17th, 2007 at 12:22 am
“Chuck Norris doesnt use pick-up lines he just says now.”
“Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.”
“Chuck Norris dosent consider it sex if the girl lives.”
December 17th, 2007 at 3:41 am
Mcguyver can build a plane out of paperclips and rubber bands…chuck norris can kill him and take it
Chuck norris once roundhouse kikd a man so hard he went back in time and killd amelia earhart while she wa flying over the atlantic
when chuck norris writes a book he doesnt use ink, the words just assemble themselves out of shear terror
December 18th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
when chuck norris does a push up he doesnt lift himself up he pushes the earth down.
chuck norris has 2 speeds: Walk & kill
December 20th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Chuck Norris won a staring contest with the son.
I made that up…unless I haven’t read enough Chuck Norris Jokes
December 20th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
chuck norris once had a bear try and attack him. chuck showed him his fist and upon seeing this, the bear began to eat himself knowing that was a less painful way to die.
December 21st, 2007 at 4:09 am
chuck norris had a staring contest with a cat and the cat blew up.
a chuck norris sneeze is the cause of a hurricane.
Big foot jumped on Chuck Norris’ chin cuz hed rather spend an eternity on his chin than being killed by Chuck Norris…
we made these up
December 21st, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Retarded Chuck Norris Commenters Hater, is a tool!!!!! and is gay
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:54 am
Hi
December 23rd, 2007 at 1:53 am
Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer
December 23rd, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Hater of: Retarded Chuck Norris Commenters Hater Says:
December 21st, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Retarded Chuck Norris Commenters Hater, is a tool!!!!! and is gay
You’re just jealous beacuse you will never be as good as Chuck… Watch what your saying… He will HUNT YOU DOWN!… He might even be watching you now… Slowly plotting the best way roadhouse kick you so experience extreme pain!
December 24th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
God wanted 14 days to create the earth but i gave him 7
December 25th, 2007 at 7:32 am
Kids can piss thier name in snow, Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete
If you can see Chuck norris, he can see you, if you cant see chuck norris, you may be seconds away from death
Chuck Norris has only 2 speeds, Walk and Kill.
By the way does no one read the comments they write before they post them? if you dont re read it- LEARN TO SPELL!!!! (please)
December 27th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Chuck Norris once went into a McDonalds, orderd a Whopper, and got it.
Chuck Norris is so good that during sex he yells his own name.
Chuck Norris was once shot at and the bullet pissed itself on the way over.
December 31st, 2007 at 12:25 am
the Greek word for Chuck Norris is spartan
Chuck Norris’s farts are used in rocket fuel
if you read this last joke Chuck Norris will hunt you down!
these jokes are my own.
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:13 am
CHUCK NORRIS IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN KICK YOU IN THE BACK OF THE FACE!
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:20 am
Seriously….
I read the first 20, and basically you see the whole damned page. Stop the repeats, morons. Actually read the page instead of just scrolling to the bottom and writing your retarded repeat of a CNJ that has already been said 4 times.
It’s retards like you that make Chuck Norris so angry.
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:27 am
Travis, as much as I agree with you, you as well need to read over first. What’s up with the uncapitalized ‘i’?
When Chuck Norris gets a lap dance he doesn’t get turned on, the stripper does.
When Chuck Norris has sex, it looks like the woman is doing all the work. In all actuality, she’s laying still.
Ever see kids with pimples on their face? Those are kids who watched Chuck Norris kill someone, and got the blood of his victim stuck forever on their face. Mr. Norris thought this was punishment enough.
Chuck Norris is so big, that when he has sex with a girl, he has butt sex and gets a BJ at the same time.
Chuck Norris invented Bubble Gum. It’s really the brains of his victims he didn’t want.
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:12 pm
When Chuck Norris found the last number of Pi, it ran away screaming and Chuck Norris took its place.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
When Chuck Norris votes there are no hanging chads, just completely-punched holes.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
If Chuck Norris invented a Chuck Norris joke the punchline would kill you.
January 4th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Chuck norris clogs the toilet when he pisses!!!
January 4th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Chuck Norris does not piss excellence, excellence pisses Chuck Norris!!
January 4th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Chuck Norris has two moves…. SEEK and DESTROY!
Chuck Norris doesn’t burp…… He FArts!
Chuck Norris last two words to Chuck LIddel in the octagon….. GOOD NIGHT!
January 5th, 2008 at 2:45 am
The only Reason Micheal Jackson isn’t dead is because Chuck Norris doesn’t hit girls.
January 6th, 2008 at 12:08 am
Y all the Spelling mistakes really I agree it did get annoying read it twice if u don’t know how to spell. If u repeats if I see one more I will hunt you down
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
My Fav.
January 6th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
When Chuck Norris goes to Starbucks they change the cup sizes to Small, Medium and Large.
January 6th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Chucknorristrons are the basic building block of all matter.
January 7th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
chuck noris is the reason why dinosaures are extinct
January 7th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
chuck noris dosn”t eat food, he stairs it down into his stomach
January 7th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
chuck noris is the reason they invented Maximum Security Prison
January 7th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Muhamid ali dosn’t have parkinans disease, he shakes because hes sscared of chuck noris
January 7th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
chuck noris’s roundhouse kick is the reason why john the Baptist was decapitated
January 7th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Chuck Norris once ate a McDonalds Transformer robot in travel form. Whenever he pooed it out it was in robot form.
OR
Chuck Norris once ate a McDonalds toy robot. Whenever he pooed it out it was Optimus Prime
January 7th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
if it looks like Beef, smells like Beef, and taste like Beef and chuck norris says it chicken its chicken
the retard named Cloton that is the stupided joke ever and chuck norris is going to rip your nutts off and tie them around your neck as a bow tie B**ch.
January 7th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
chuk norris dosent date he scares women into relatonships
January 7th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
if the ocean was blood and chuck norris was a duck he would swim to the bottom and never come up
January 7th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
horse shoe, ringa ding, door stop, asssuker and fireflier man who likes the #5and girls.
CHUCK NORRIS ATE AN APPLE
CHUCK NORRIS SUKS SAYS MY FRIEND BUT I LIKE HIM.
long time ago chuck norris farted and hense came the Sharrah Desert
January 8th, 2008 at 12:54 am
When you drink Redbull you are really drinking Chuck Norris Pee!!!
January 8th, 2008 at 12:58 am
Chuck Norris’s blood type is K.O.
January 8th, 2008 at 7:53 am
F**K YUO THOSE ARE STUPID JOKES, I HOPES HE KICK YOUR ASS 6 WAYUS FROM SUNDAY
January 8th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
“The Da Vinci Kick” (2008) Dangerous curiosity leads a cryptokickologist (Chuck Norris) to uncover an ancient manuscript that describes a hyper-lethal roundhouse kick. But his luck runs out when his daughter (Jennifer Garner) is kidnapped by kick boxing nuns. Nothing is what it seems until the shocking conclusion. PG-13: Thematic content. Some violence. Nunfu.
January 9th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Chuck Norris opened a theme restaurant. Just point to the part of the animal you want to eat, and he kicks you out a steak.
January 9th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
When Chuck Norris was born the only one crying was the doctor, never slap Chuck Norris.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
If Chuck norris would fight chuck norris Chuck norris would win. PERIOD
January 10th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
When You ask Chuck norris what time it is he always says 2 seconds
when you ask 2 seconds till what he roundhouse kicks you in the face
January 10th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Looking into chuck norris’s eyes will reveal your future that future is a roundhouse kick to the face
January 10th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Chuck Norris CAN delete the Recyle bin
January 10th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
He doesn’t talk about it much since it happened so long ago but Chuck Norris resolved the analytic-synthetic dichotomy in kindergarten. With nothing but a crayon he wrote a one page dissertation that earned him a doctorate.
January 10th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Chuck Norris does’t chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil
January 10th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Chuck Norris can smell what The Rock is cookin
Apple Pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he downloads music
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
January 11th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
When Chuck Norris is in Rome, they do as he does.
January 11th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
xscs
January 11th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
When Chuck Norris pours coffee, the coffee pours him!!
January 11th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Better grammar than Yoda, Chuck Norris has.
January 12th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Chuck norris eats rubiks cubes and craps them ouy solved.
January 12th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
If one more person repeats a chuck norris joke i will go chuck norris on yo ass
January 12th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Chuck Norris is the flesh made Word.
January 13th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
A woman once complained to advice columnist “Dear Abby” that her husband sometimes pees in the back yard. Charlton Heston wrote a response asserting that all real men pee in the back yard. Naturally, Chuck Norris also pees in the front yard.
January 13th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
January 13th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
[Take 2, for better timing on the punchline:]
A woman once complained to advice columnist “Dear Abby” that her husband sometimes pees in the back yard. Charlton Heston wrote a response asserting that all real men pee in the back yard. Naturally it should come as no surprise that Chuck Norris also pees in the front yard.
January 13th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
January 14th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Chuck Norris can solve a rubiks cube in 5 seconds… with his eyes closed
January 15th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Chuck Norris once beat a man in arm wrestling with both hands tied behind his back
January 15th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
all the people that say thing that make god seem weaker, youll burn in hell!!
January 16th, 2008 at 4:09 am
Tall as you I was young Obi-Wan, until once roundhouse kicked I was by Chuck Norris
-Yoda
January 16th, 2008 at 4:28 am
A new move was introduced in chess called the “roundhouse kick.” It is usable only by the Chuck Norris piece and when used, it kills all the opponent’s pieces, breaks the chess board, punches the opponent in the face and rapes him
January 16th, 2008 at 4:34 am
Chuck Norris once won the FIFA World Cup because he has kicked more balls than any other soccer team in the world
January 16th, 2008 at 5:04 am
An ancient Japanese manuscript reads “.. we believe that there will one day arise a man who is the embodiment of strength, vanquisher of all evil, exterminator of the wicked and the punisher of the damned. That man was born, and a guy named Chokisu Norisu roundhouse-kicked killed him.. “
January 16th, 2008 at 5:10 am
Once Chuck Norris wrote a Chuck Norris joke. It was so lame nobody laughed at it. So Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked them to death. Afraid of being killed, people starting laughing at it. Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked them to death for laughing at him
January 16th, 2008 at 5:30 am
Chuck Norris was once given shock treatment. The whole city of New York blacked out
One day Chuck Norris was shot in the stomach. The bullet was found in his toilet the next day covered in sh*t
Chuck Norris doesn’t get sun-burns. Sun gets Chuck Norris-burns (otherwise known as solar flares)
About 120 countries have requested Chuck Norris to stop sh*tting and thereby stop piling nuclear energy
————————–
By the way, the jokes i made were created by me (or so I believe, I haven’t read many forums) during boring time at work
January 16th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a round room
January 16th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Stop talking crap about me
January 16th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Chuck Norris can successfully use a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool
January 16th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I am Chuck Norris’ wife. Just kidding. He did her in a long time ago.
January 16th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I will find you
January 16th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Chuck Norris had a little lamb, little lamb, littlelamb, Chuck Norris had a little lamb and round house kicked it in the face.
Everyhwere chuck norris went chuck norris chuck norris went and everywhere chuck norris went the lamb tried not to go.
January 16th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
C-h-u-c-k, C-h-u-c-k , C-h-u-c-k and Chuck Norris was his name-o
January 16th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
If you chuck’s best friend, he would still kill you
January 16th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
chuck could put humpty back together again
January 16th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Outside of chuck’s killing life, he is a hitman
January 16th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
when chuck norris gets drunk and thus hungover the next morning he never throws up: he throws down.
-my brother
rest will be me
chuck norris once made a deal with the devil to be his slave for ten thousand years: satan had the agreement anulled after 48 hours.
chuck norris will get mad someday in the near distant future: we know that day as armageddon.
how do you think christopher reeves got into that wheel chair.
on mars they have a horror moive called “when chuck norris attacks”.
January 16th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
When I woke up I couldn’t move. I was buried in sand up to my thick, manly neck. There was sun, sand and silence. Soon a shadow passed over me and a big, black vulture landed nearby. It hopped toward me, opened it’s mouth and said, “So, Arnold, here we are. Now suppose you tell me just why you decided to write, ‘CHUCK NORRIS IS A GIRLY MAN’ on that last joint.”
January 18th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Things You Need To Make A Chuck Norris Roundhouse Rosary:
a) string
b) one bead
January 18th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
some of these are good others are stupid and some are just plain sad
i like chuck norris but this is going way too far
January 19th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Sigmund Freud said “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar” and then Chuck Norris killed him with his ‘cigar.’
January 19th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
chuck norris doesnt cut grass… he just looks at it until it stops growing!!!!
(u better laugh)
January 19th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
There is no longer a bottom line, cos Stone Cold said so. Chuck Norris just drew a new line.
Chuck Norris dual wields, kang the decapitator, and when combined, he becomes Chuck the Decapitator. (World of Warcraft joke).
Chucknorrisitis: The endless, gruelling pain endured when chuck norris looks at you for too long.
Chucktopia: the land u go to when you get roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.
I made these wadda u think lol, well it don’t really matter as long as someone laughs, might as well be me.
January 20th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Chuck Norris can have as much gay sex as he wants and still not be considered gay, because he has special permission from the Pope.
January 20th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Chuck Norris is ambidextrous. He can kill equally as effective with either hand
January 20th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Two things you may not know about Chuck Norris is his left and right hand. If you did, you would be dead
January 21st, 2008 at 3:44 pm
chuck norris doesnt step on toes he steps on necks
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
i only masturbate to pictures of myself
January 25th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Chuck Norris is the only man who can punch you in the SOUL!
January 25th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Chuck Norris does not wear condoms when having sex. There is no such thing as protection from From Chuck Norris
January 25th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
The Loch Ness Monster is an actual dinosaur that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked into the future.
January 25th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t suck on lollipops… he prefers sledge hammers.
January 25th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
It takes a jack hammer and a bucket of black lead-based paint to give Chuck Norris a tattoo.
January 26th, 2008 at 7:39 am
The only thing, known to man, that can immure Fusion is Chuck Norris hands.
January 30th, 2008 at 10:17 am
stephen hawking has failed to find the grand unified theory. this is because chuck norris is hiding from him
chuck norris doesn’t use email. he staples notes to kittens and roundhouse kicks them to the destination of choice.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s “secret”.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Chuck Norris CAN teach an old dog new tricks just by roundhouse kicking it in the face.
If Chuck Norris says that there is only 11 inches in a foot, there is only 11 inches in a foot.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a guy in the face, teleported back in time and kicked Emilia Earhart’s plane out of the sky over the pacific and then he teleported back. lol
January 31st, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t own any automatic doors in his house, but they still open up for him anyway.
February 2nd, 2008 at 1:20 am
Chuck Norris is so hardcore that when he fought Bruce Lee. He round house kicked Bruce to the face and the whole continent of Asia was slant eyed. Ooooooooh
your cool cause chuck got his @$$ beat
Bruce lee did the same thing back, however he decided to do it again so the eyes of whites went normal and Bruce made chuck norris’s lip so swollen that every black got big lips
February 2nd, 2008 at 2:41 am
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked someone so soft they fell asleep… forever
February 2nd, 2008 at 2:47 am
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked someone so soft, they fell asleep… forever.
if you try to find chuck norris on google nothing will come up, becouse chuck norris finds you.
February 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with six bullets
February 3rd, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Chuck Norris beat Halo 3 with an atari 1 button joystick
February 6th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Chuck Norris once roundhoused kicked a man so hard in the balls the man shot sperm into his own penise and got him self pergnet.
February 6th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
if you spell Chuck Norris wrong in google search, it doesnt say did you mean… it just says run. run while you still can
chuck norris’ sperm can make it through a condom, spermicide, the pill, and the entire patriots offensive line
chuck norris doesnt go hunting that implies thath there is a chance of failure- chuck norris gos killing
chuck norris puts the laughter in manslaughter
February 8th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
armaggedon isnt actually the end of the world its justthe name of chuck noris’s secret technuique
February 8th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
When Chuck Norris sneezes, the correct response is “Bless Thyself”.
February 9th, 2008 at 3:37 am
Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for Christmas presents
February 9th, 2008 at 3:41 am
Chuck Norris’s mind is so advanced, he listens to songs on
fast forward »
February 9th, 2008 at 3:43 am
Chuck Norris has a beard on his ball sac
February 9th, 2008 at 3:54 am
Chuck Norris seperated the continents by roundhouse kicking Pangea
February 10th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
In 1980 Chuck Norris starred in a movie called “The Octagon”.
A 3-D version was also released as “The Octahedron” but it was
quickly withdrawn because people were getting their eyes poked out.
February 11th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t do drugs, drugs do chuck norris.
1 of mine
February 12th, 2008 at 9:50 am
chuck norris eats monkey nuts of your mams camel toe
February 12th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
When Chuck Norris gets the munchies he doesn’t order pizza, he orders Pizza Hut.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Chuck Norris finds deification to be a humbling experience.
February 12th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I always like the following jokes
“Chuck Norris is so fast he once ran arround the Earth and punched himself in the back of the head”
or
“Chuck Norris Lost his virginity before his father”
or
“As a child Chuck Norris once had to run for the bus, he beat it to school”
or
“Chuck Norris once made love to a woman in the back of a truck and leaked some of his man juice on the floor. You now know this truck as Optimus Prime.”
February 12th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
the only loss the harlem globetrotters ever had was to chuck norris.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:57 am
If you can see chuck norris he can see you, If you cant see chuck norris your only moments away from death! lmao
February 15th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
ethan, that’s repeat you jack..$!
The number of hair on Chuck Norris’s beard, is equivalent to the number of people he had roundhouse!
February 18th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Chuck Norris finds deification to be a humbling experience.
You will too when you get to be his age.
February 20th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
chuck norris once shot an airplane down with one finger by just yelling bang
February 20th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked someone in the face so hard his foot broke open a worm hole, went back in time and killed amelia aehart while whe was passing over the pacific ocean
February 20th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
when God said let there be light chuck norris said “say please”
February 20th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
chuck norris doesnt go hunting, because it gives the notion that you can fail, chuck norris goes killing
February 20th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
bill gates lives in fear that chuck norris’ computer will crash
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:41 pm
chuck norris is the reason waldo is hiding
if chuck norris misspells a word oxford just changes it in the dictionary
if chuck norriss is late time better slow the f**k down
February 26th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
The only reason the CN tower is named the CN tower, is because Chuck Norris scared Canada into naming it after him!
February 27th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Chuck Norris facts:
PowerAde really isn’t PowerAde, no the name is just a cover up. PowerAde is really the urine of Chuck Norris.
The reason why we can’t find Osama bin laden is because he’s hiding from Chuck Norris.
Why is through fire and flames such a fast song, the guitar players are so scared of Chuck Norris that they even play really fast to get away from him.
The reason why sharks can’t swim backwards is because Chuck Norris won’t let them.
When Chuck Norris did the invisible chair in boot camp, he actually sat down on an invisible chair.
Why is the sky blue? Because Chuck Norris said so…
The reason why the California redwood trees have roads going through them is because Chuck Norris did a roundhouse kick through all of them.
The reason why military personnel get high and tight haircuts is because on day in 1986 Chuck Norris kicked a private so hard that his all his hair fell off all the way up to the top part of his head thus setting the haircut standard.
If you try to shoot Chuck Norris with a gun, the gun will shrivel up and explode in your hands.
All hand grenades thrown at Chuck Norris detonate prematurely because Chuck Norris has an invisible force field because he is Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris taps his foot 3 times, all of china, India, the Middle East and all of Asia will fall into the ocean.
One time a pack of lions tried to kill Chuck Norris, well in the attempt, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the lions so hard that the pack of lions went out of the earth’s atmosphere so fast that they didn’t slow down but instead turned into comets. 19 seconds later, the pack of lions hit the surface of the moon and that is why the moon’s surface looks the way it does.
The C in coke stands for Chuck
The other letters O-K-E. Stand for only kills everything so all together COKE really stands for Chuck Only Kills Everything
A man tried to stab Chuck Norris one day, he a USMC KBAR knife. Well, the knife couldn’t penetrate the titanium lined skin of Chuck Norris.
USMC really stands for Ur a Strong Man Chuck
Chuck Norris asked Jigsaw if he wanted to play a game. Jigsaw screamed no and fled for his life.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do taxes; no taxes do themselves so Chuck Norris’s strong hands won’t disintegrate the paper
Many professional cyclists compete in the annual tour de France. When the modern fighting sports world was invited to the Tour de Norris, no one responded….
When the original doom game came out for the computer back in the nineties, the monsters weren’t running at the player, no they were running away from Chuck Norris. \
When Chuck Norris swiped his debit ATM card at the local Wal-Mart in Dahlonega, the card read on the screen “error, too much bang for your buck”.
A local gang attempted to rob Chuck Norris house, when they got into the house all they stole was the bottom of Chuck Norris’s boot on their faces.
Zombies don’t try to eat Chuck Norris; no Chuck Norris tries to eat zombies
In the eyes of the US government, when they see the word terrorism they think of al Qaeda. Well when al Qaeda thinks of the word terrorism, they think of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick is equal to the force of 9000 500 megaton pound atomic bombs.
The reason why the cold war was the cold war was because the world was scared cold of Chuck Norris since he was in his prime back then.
The reason why Atlas is holding up the world isn’t because of punishment from Zeus, no it’s because Chuck Norris put the world on his shoulders.
A US Delta Force Sniper shot Chuck Norris in the eye with a .50 caliber sniper rifle, the bullet had no effect. In fact, the bullet ricochet off of Chuck Norris’s eye and back at the sniper, killing him instantly.
One time Chuck Norris was chained to a pipe attached to a wall in one of Jigsaw’s games, Chuck Norris broke the chain with his hands, ripped the pipe out of the wall, destroyed the room with the pipe, found Jigsaw and he told jigsaw that he wants to play a game.
The reason why the monumental figures in Egypt are made out of sand is because Chuck Norris back in the day roundhouse kicked them so hard that they turned into sand due to the sheer force of Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick.
The reason why boys don’t cry is because they are scared Chuck Norris will seem them crying.
The US Army for a brief amount of time in the year 2003 changed their motto from “An Army of One” to “An Army of Chuck” because chuck Norris was in it. Six month later, Chuck Norris left the army because the army didn’t approve of his roundhouse kicked which is more destructive than any weapon in the US arsenal.
Drill Sergeants don’t smoke Chuck Norris; Chuck Norris eats drill sergeants for breakfast.
On Chuck Norris’s last APFT, he scored a 589 on the extended scale with 254 pushups, 476 sit-ups and he ran the two mile in 4 minutes.
The reason why Fort Jackson is called Relaxin Jackson is because when Chuck Norris went there for basic, he completed basic 4 minutes after arriving and he said it was easy.
Even the Navy Seals won’t accept Chuck Norris due to his amazing man killing ability, only Delta Force was brave enough to take Chuck Norris in. However, Chuck Norris thinks that Delta Force is too easy.
Chuck Norris completed the AT trail with 9 steps.
If it is too cold outside, chuck Norris exhales and the temperature goes up 20 degrees.
Chuck Norris could clear a room full of terrorists all by himself with a water pistol and a fake toy grenade.
The reason why the USSR collapsed in the 1990s is because Chuck Norris landed in Moscow after he jumped from the US over the atlantic ocean and into Russia.
February 28th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Captain Falcon is way better than chuck noriss
February 29th, 2008 at 9:03 am
when chuck norris breaks wind the wind stays broken
February 29th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
nobody cried when chuck noris was born except the doctor……………..never slap chuck noris
February 29th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
chuck noriss dosent mow his lawn….he dares it to grow
February 29th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
dinorors reall arnt exstinked there just hiding from chuck noris
March 1st, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Every one wants “sex” with chuck even if they are guys even though they will die right after
March 1st, 2008 at 11:19 pm
CHUCK NORRIS ATE MCDONALDS AND LOST WEIGHT!!
CHUCK NORRIS DOESN’T WATCH TV, TV WATCHES CHUCK NORRIS!!
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS STAINLESS STEEL BECAUSE IF CHUCK NORRIS COMES WITHIN 1000 MILES OF STEEL IT STAINS OF A DARK BLOODY RED FROM ALL THE ROUND-HOUSE KICK KILLING!!!
(i made all these up)
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:25 am
Chickens eats corn and crap out eggs. Chuck Norris eats eggs and craps out chickens.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:46 am
i would say i made that last one up, but i actually saw it happen.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:15 am
WE MADE THESE UP. HOPE YA LIKE.
CHUCK NORRIS DOESN’T WASH HIS DISHES, HE DARES THEM TO GET DIRTY. THE EARTH DOESN’T ROTATE AROUND THE SUN, CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THE SUN AROUND THE EARTH. CHUCK NORRIS DOESN’T EAT, HE DARES HIS STOMACH TO GROWL. CHUCK NORRIS DOESN’T NEED TO IRON HIS CLOTHES……… THEY KNOW BETTER. CHUCK NORRIS DOESN’T NEED TO SHAVE, THE HAIR KNOWS WHERE NOT TO GROW. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN NO ONE SAYS BLESS YOU AFTER A CHUCK NORRIS SNEEZES?….. NOBODY KNOWS, THEY HAVE NEVER FOUND WITNESSES. CHUCK NORRIS NEVER LIES, EVERYTHING HE SAYS GOES.
March 7th, 2008 at 4:20 am
NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP
I PRAY TO CHUCK NORRIS MY SOUL TO KEEP
IF I SHOULD DIE BEFORE I WAKE
I PRAY TO CHUCK NORRIS MY SOUL TO TAKE
March 8th, 2008 at 3:53 am
chuck noris is my dad, he didnt sleep with my mom, he jacked off and threw it at her!
March 14th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
chuck norris gave birth to god
March 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
when chuck norris sneezed he caused a tsunami on the other side of the world
March 14th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
chuck norris made snow angels in the summer
March 14th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
chuck norris cuts the razer when he is shaving
March 14th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
chunck norris makes onions cry
March 14th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
chuck norris is the force and claims star wars is a documentary
March 14th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
some say the loch ness monster is chuck norris’s pet fish and some say the yeti styles his hair to look like chuck norris’s beard
March 14th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
chuck norris is the reason santa only comes once a year it is the only night chuck norris is sleeping
March 18th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Microsoft Word has never once underlined one of Chuck Norris’s spelling mistakes out of sheer fear. If it did, Bill Gates would instantly drop dead, with CoD being a Roundhouse kick to the face.
March 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
When playing Video games, Chuck Norris has never once seen a game over screen. This is because Chuck can never die.
March 19th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
lol i love chuck norris jokes !