The officer took off after the speeder and soon had the car pulled over on the side of the road. Expecting trouble with such a reckless driver, the patrolman approached cautiously.

To his surprise the driver of the offending vehicle was a little old lady, barely tall enough to see over the steering wheel.

"Ma'am," the officer began. "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was just getting her up around 90, I believe, officer," the old lady answered calmly, peering up at him through her bifocals. "Why, what seems to be the problem?"

Shocked, the officer returned her comment, "What seems to be the problem? Why, this is a 35mph zone! That's the problem. Didn't you see the sign?"

"Oh sure," the old lady returned, "That's why I'm driving so fast. I'm just trying to follow it's instruction."

Dumbfounded, the officer was momentarily speechless.

"Just what sign are you talking about, Ma'am?" he asked, when he finally recovered.

Smiling up at the officer, the old lady placed a gentle hand on his wrist and said, "Why, the one that said 'Speed Zone Ahead', of course!"

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. Speeding Ticket A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police...
2. Two Prostitutes, One Sign A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with...
3. Back Seat Driver A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver...

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. One Ticket Experiment 3 engineers and 3 accountants are travelling by train to...
2. Speeding Ticket A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police...
3. Safer Parking Lots For Women With the increasinly high rate of attacks on women in...

Now, nobody wanted to sleep in the same room with Daryl - he's got a well known reputation for snoring  and since it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time - so they voted to take turns.

The first deputy to bunk with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot, looking like he didnt get any sleep. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night, couldn't get any sleep."

The following night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing - hair all messed up, eyes blood-shot, etc. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl! Shakes the roof he's so loud. I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Now Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. Said he wasn't gonna put up with any snoring... "We'll see!" said the other debuties. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning, wonderful day outside isn't it?" he said.

They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went over and tucked Daryl into bed, then kissed him good night. He sat up all night just watching me. Didn't snore a bit, hehe."

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. Stop Or Slow Down? A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over...
2. Love Making Poem Tyrone asked his work buddy, Robert, one morning, "Man, why...
3. One Liner Gay Jokes Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael...

• "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on this ticket, huh?"
• "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
• "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a dog or cat?"
• "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
• "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
• "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
• "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
• "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
• "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
• "Now exactly how big were those 'Just two beers' you had?"
• "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
• "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Paulk is a personal friend of yours. You know someone who can post your bail."
• "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. Fun With Cops So you're bored? How about some games you can play...
2. Back Seat Driver A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver...
3. Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say To A Police Officer If you're ever pulled over for speeding (or any other...

Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it that read: "Jesus Saves." "How come you don't stop them?!" asked one of the girls. "Well, that's a little different," the officer replied... "their sign pertains to religion."

The two ladies of the night pouted a bit, but they took their sign down and drove off peacefully. The following day the same police officer was running radar when he noticed the same two young ladies driving around with another sign on their car. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he flipped his lights on and began to catch up when he noticed the what the new sign read:

"Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter - $50.00."

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. 22 Miles Per Hour Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch...
2. Designated Decoy One night a police officer was staking out a particularly...
3. This Store Needs A New Sign Reminds me of those therapist (the rapist) type terms, only...

My court case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said “I would like to have one too!” When I said “But this is a dog,” he said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I was two years old.”

He replied, “You must have been a strong boy.”

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex.”

He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, “You don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night”, and the clerk said,”Me too.”

One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, “Show off!” I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married” and the Judge said, “Me too.”

When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, “Me too.”

Well now I’ve been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?”

I replied, “Well, Sex has died and left my life. It’s like losing a best friend and it’s so lonely.”

The doctor said, “Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn’t man’s best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?”

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. If The Ring Fits, Wear It A man went to the hospital to have his wedding...
2. Rather Big In room 904 was a newlywed couple who had never...
3. Redneck Logic Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life...

• Ask him what he is doing out so late.
• Ask the cop if you can use his pepper spray to "spice up" your takeout.
• Draw happy faces on all the pages in his ticket book.
• Ask if his bulletproof vest would protect him from projectile vomiting.
• Ask him if you can take his squad car out for a joy ride.
• When he ask you for your licence say, "Oh sure officer, could you just hold my beer."
• Explain speeding with, "See officer, I was driving along when I dropped my bag of crack. I tried to pick it up but, when I did, my gun fell and jammed my foot against the gas pedal."
• When he walks up to you have the radio full blast, look forward without saying a word and breathe in and out very loudly.
• When he ask you to walk the straight line, "Riverdance" instead.
• When he asks you to say your alphabet backwards count backwards from ten instead.
• Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.
• Tell him you wanted to be a cop but decided to graduate high school instead.
• Try to bribe him with chucky cheese tokens.
• Try to bribe him with one-dollar bills. When he declines, remind him that "with 10-10-220 you can get all calls up to twenty minutes for 99 cents."
• Take his nightstick and play whack-a-mole with his head.
• Pay all your ticket fines with pennies.
• Take his flashlight and play flashlight tag with yourself.
• When he walks up to you, look at his gut and say "I thought you had to be physically fit to be a cop."
• Ask him how many donuts he can eat in one minute. Ask him to prove it.
• Say to him, "Don't cheek the trunk. Nope, nothing in there. Scout's honor."
• When he asks you to explain why you were going so fast, tell him that you were going to Dunkin' Donuts and you know he'll understand.
• When the cop is talking to you, ignore him and roll your window up and down while looking amazed that it does that.
• Ask him if you can play cops and robbers.
• Call his dog Admiral, regardless of what its real name is.
• Throw the cop's nightstick and tell Admiral to go fetch.
• Tell him that the wee little leprechauns made you do it.
• When he tries to open the door taunt him by locking the door when he tries to open it, then unlocking it when he looks away. Repeat this several times.
• When he walks up to your car-put your hands on your face and mutter, "If I don't see you I can't get a ticket."
• When he tells you to put your hands on the hood, walk to his car and put your hands on his hood.
• Say to him "Darn, you must of been goin' realluy fast to keep up with me!"
• Tell him you were testing to law of perpetual motion when the escape vector was off causing Philbin's law to take effect...
• When he asks you to touch your nose, poke yourself in the eye and start acting like Curly from the Three Stooges.
• Keep his pen.
• If they put you in the back of the squad car, sing, “Mary Had a Little Lamb” loudly and obnoxiously over and over all the way to the Police Dept.
• Instead of pleading the fifth admendment plead the 13th or the 18th Instead.
• Say “Could you tighten these cuffs? My hands don't hurt yet.”

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. Cops Say The Darndest Things So you think you're the only one who can be...
2. Blonde’s Police Application A blonde walks into the police department looking for a...
3. Driving Through Texas Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled...

Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?" "Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: "What's the square root of 100?" "Ummm... 10!" the blonde says.

"Good!" the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history. "OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?" "Ummm... I don't know," she admits.

"Well, you can go home and think about it," he says, "and come back later and tell me what you've figured out." He figures that's the last he'll see of her.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

"Not only did I get the job," the blonde says, "but I've already been assigned to a murder case!"

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say To A Police Officer If you're ever pulled over for speeding (or any other...
2. Blonde Shopping A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a...
3. Redhead, Brunette and Blonde At A Firing Squad Three women are about to be executed for crimes they...

"Nice bike," the cop said, "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," Little Johnny said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked at the bike and, while handing the boy a $20 ticket, he said "Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it."

To which Little Johnny replied, "nice horse you got their sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yea, He sure did," said the cop.

Looking up at the cop, with the most serious little boy tone, Johnny retorted, "Next year tell Santa to put the weiner underneath the horse instead of on top of it!" and peddled off down the road.

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. Blonde’s Police Application A blonde walks into the police department looking for a...
2. Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say To A Police Officer If you're ever pulled over for speeding (or any other...
3. Christmas Morning Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was...

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

This joke provided courtesy of FunnyandJokes.com, all rights reserved.

Similar Funny Jokes You Might Like:

1. DUI Test A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving...
2. Walk The Line A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and...
3. Two Prostitutes, One Sign A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with...