Captain Falcon Facts

Ok, I gotta admit – I’ve never heard of Captain Falcon until today. Apparently he’s a mysterious F-Zero racer who made a comeback in Super Smash Bros. A recent comment posted by “Bob” in the Chuck Norris Facts post (which by the way has 272 comments… yikes) peaked my interest so, in respect to Jack Bauer and Mr. T (and thanks to Bob) we know have Captain Falcon Facts. Or C. Falcon, or Capt. Falcon, or whatever you want to call him.

Captain Falcon, AKA C. Falcon

  • This joke was started because Captain Falcon allowed it.
  • Captain Falcon and Chuck Norris are not one in the same, for in fact Chuck Norris is one of Captain Falcon’s offspring, the other one being Mr. T. He refers to them as Susan and Nancy respectively.
  • Sonic travels at the speed of sound. Captain Falcon travels at the speed of awesome.
  • Anything you can do, Captain Falcon can do without limbs.
  • The last person to have ever said anything bad about Captain Falcon never existed.
  • Captain Falcon can beat any video game without the game disc, or system.
  • There once was a new street it was named Captain Falcon dr. Every one who crossed it died. Why? No one crosses Captain Falcon.
  • Captain Falcon is never late if he is time better slow the @#$& down.
  • Captain Falcon doesnt wait for time time waits for Captain Falcon.
  • Jesus walked on water. Captain Falcon swims through land.
  • Captain Falcon appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a Falcon Punch. When asked bout this “glitch,” Captain Falcon replied, “That’s no glitch.”
  • Since the year Captain Falcon was born, Falcon Punch related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
  • There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Captain Falcon.
  • If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Captain Falcon.
  • Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Captain Falcon.
  • God offered Captain Falcon the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength Falcon Punch ability.
  • Captain Falcon’s “Falcon Punch” is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
  • If you want a list of Captain Falcon’s enemies, just check the extinct species list.
  • During a Falcon Punch, the potential energy between his fist and your face is infinity.
  • Captain Falcon once beat some one to death using only a piece of wet tissue paper, for fun.
  • Players in Smash get 1-hit KO’d by touching the Ultimate Chimera. The Ultimate Chimera gets 1-hit KO’d by touching Captain Falcon.
  • After much debate, president Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than sending Captain Falcon. His reasoning: “its more humane”.
  • Captain Falcon doesn’t grow hair on his testicles as hair doesn’t grow on steel.
  • Chuck Norris can throw an iron beam 300 feet in air. Captain Falcon can throw an iron beam 300 feet in the air and catch it with his teeth.
  • Captain Falcon is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head.
  • Ghosts only exist because death cannot process how fast Captain Falcon kills people.
  • Captain Falcon is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  • Captain Falcon is like a period; he’s the end to everything.

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