25 Sure Fire Ways To Annoy People

Personally, I like to annoy people. It brightens my day. Some days, when I’ve got nothing better to do I’ll prank call some folks, use an annying voice at the local burger drive-thru, light on fire and throw a sack of dog turds at the neighbor’s front door, or whatever else I can think of. In case you want to annoy someone and don’t know what to do, we found a few ideas for ya.

  1. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
  2. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
  3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  4. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets and walk everywhere you can.
  5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
  6. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  7. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
  8. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  9. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
  10. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  11. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
  12. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  13. Staple pages in the middle of the paper.
  14. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
  15. Honk and wave to strangers.
  16. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
  17. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute entire streets.
  18. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  19. Ask people what gender they are.
  20. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  21. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  22. Sing along at the opera.
  23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
      “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
      “What?”
      “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
  24. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
  25. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

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